How can I get my gf to tone down the trash talking?

[nuttychick]

Originally Posted by anaheimsk8er

. I just wanted to get her to realize that I didn't like it and that i was kind of insulted by her trash talking. .

Well if she is too immature or stupid to stop it then don't have sex with her.. Find someone else who wont treat you this way.

[anaheimsk8er]

But you at least agree that calling me a "fucking pussy" when I was nice and asked her to stop is really immature.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Yes. I will agree with that.

[spaced]

Have you, you know, tried talking about it outside of the bedroom?

*shakes head and pads off*

[EvilEvilKitten]

ACtually yes, he did. Where have you been?

[Newwife]

What I don't understand is why no one seems to think it's important that during sex your gf actually likes the trash talk. So basically you are being turned off by it, but by telling her to knock it off or "tone it down" you are going to turn her off.
I don't know about other women, but for me, when I am full on turned on, into sex, my brain is somewhere else. I am in the moment and sometimes I say things that later would make me blush.
So you asking your girlfriend to stop trash talking would mean taking her out of her body and putting everything in her head. How is that enjoyable to her?

It seems you are both acting rather selfishly and should call it quits. From your posts it doesn't seem that you have too much invested into this relationship beside "staring through her legs", so it shouldn't be that hard for you to find someone who makes the appropriate noises in bed, & for her to find someone who likes to be called a pussy & a bitch.

Good Luck!

[EvilEvilKitten]

Well, I for one don't 'trash talk' during sex...I make noises but you wouldn't call it 'speech'. "Expressions of pleasure", yes; speech, no.

and then I purrrrrrrrrrrrr afterwards


Talking isn't mandatory or important...unless it is important to you. This is why having a wide 'social circle' is important; you find out what you like and what you don't. And yes, your head had better be with you when you're enjoying sex. ALL systems must be engaged.

[Newwife]

The point I am trying to make is when your entire body is engaged in sex, including your brain, & you are with someone that you feel comfortable enough with, your inhibitions fly away. I don't think that it is right to ask someone to change something that they enjoy during sex, just b/c it makes you uncomfortable.

For example, this girl wants to trash talk b/c when she gets turned on, that is what her body tells her to do, but her boyfriend wants her to stop, and start to think about a more appropriate term to use. That in itself is a turn off, to think, "Oh my boyfriend doesn't like this, so what should I say instead."

I am also not saying that they should stay together or either is right or wrong. If sex with your partner isn't completely comfortable w/inhibitions to the wind, you are missing out.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Why not? He can ask. Just because you're asked doesn't mean you must do what is asked.
But it depends upon what relationship you want to have. If you LOVE this person, and you are seeking something long-term, perhaps marriage, you try to NOT make him uncomfortable by moderating or modulating those behaviors that are "relationship killers". What you do is try to find "Win-Win" solutions.

We ALL teach or partners what is and what is not acceptable to us simply by how we behave or react.

In this case she could stop saying trash and start saying OMG THAT WAS SOOOO GREAT!!!! DO THAT AGAIN!!! or something to that effect. She gets her self-expression and he gets his comfort that he isn't in bed with a longshoreman by mistake and THEY BOTH WIN.

That she didn't even try and showed him disrespect when he talked to her about it shows that LOVE was conspicuously absent in this relationship. So his choices were quite clear: either enjoy her for as lnog as he could take it (thus confirming her low opinion of him) or find someone else.

I have to disagree with inhibitions flying away during sex. That doesn't always happen. And that isn't what her body tells her to do, that is what her brain says is 'acceptable'. Let's suppose that he got off on smacking her across the face - would that be what his body was telling him to do? "Oh, honey, I love you but I can't orgasm unless I'm knocking a few teeth out of your head?" And since his inhibitions were now 'gone' would that be acceptable?

[Newwife]

If she has to compromise, so should he. I feel that the are both being selfish, not just her.

Also, comparing "trash talking" to violence is a little dramatic. Don't you think?