Communicating during sex

[EvilEvilKitten]

Okay, so WHY is she uncomfortable with all of that attention - doesn't she think she's worthy of it or does she think she's ugly or too fat or something? Perhaps she hasn't yet heard "It is the person, not the packaging, that matters." Although you're stroking her skin, exciting her, releasing her phernomes, which you subconciously receive and get excited by: you are still communicating with the person inside.

why would a woman run away from such a thrill with the man she loves?

[e_room_matt]

It's comfort thing. She needs something to hold on to (literally and figuratively). She doesn't like feeling so insecure.

Again, she is a prude by nature. I'm fighting the fact that she is just basically a concervative personality.

There is definately a lot to be said for being self-conscious about her body. I've done whatever I can to reassure and build up her confidence. She's lovely, but she is one that developed early as a girl and doesn't like being viewed as a sex object.

[EvilEvilKitten]

At age 11, I was 5' 9" tall with a 36" chest. Developed early, you say?
Viewing me as a sex object? Do you have sex with objects? I don't and since I scare men half-to-death most of the time, I don't think they view me as an object either. Would be a dangerous thing to do with a dominatrix.

[lnt1103]

She sounds like me. I'll moan and stuff, but it's rarely that loud. And when it gets really intense I often push him away, despite his efforts to take me to the next level.

I'm not sure exactly what it is. I know some is self-consciousness over being overheard, especially in an apartment building with a 70 year old widow living in the next apartment. Some of it is not wanting to be selfish--a kind of 'okay now its your turn, I don't want to neglect you' syndrome.

And, if I'm honest, some of it is probably "okay so what if I DO get to that next level? What will my response look like and will it freak him, me, us, out?"

Having said all that, we almost always do a debrief afterwords.

[e_room_matt]

We continue to talk about it pretty openly. I think I've moved past her concerns that she's under pressure to perform or reciprocate whatever I do to her. She trusts me completely and I've never pushed the boundaries beyond reasonable expectations.

She also knows she'd never freak me out, but I think there is a (legitimate) concern that any change she makes will be pressured to be perminant. And that comes across like I want her to change personally (I don't know if that is really the case or not).

Overall I think it is just who she is. As much as I'd like to believe otherwise, there may not be a sexual dynamo in her. She really just wants our sex life to be safe and predictable. She values comfort over pleasure. It's important to keep things 'neat-n-tidy' for lack of a better term.