Pleasing her orally for first time

[Kotoba]

My GF's a virgin and I've never satisfied a girl by fingering and licking (I'm actually a virgin too).

I'm planning to go soft on her as I don't wish to damage her hymen, simply want to stroke her gently and make her achieve orgasm.

What I'm wondering is - do girls squirt all the time when they achieve orgasm or can it be a simple good feeling? I need to know whether or not I should grab some towels to place under her.

Again, I repeat, I'm not planning to deflower her, just give her oral pleasure. I don't need advices on what she can do, as I want to dedicate my whole time pleasing her for the first time.

Please explain what the consequences of her orgasm may be - squirt or not and so on...

Thanks in advance

[Brandye]

Read around, for heaven's sake.

If she still has a hymen, your tongue will not likely get close. About ten percent of women sometimes squirt.

[dancingdoc2]

Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you enjoy participating. Please begin by familiarizing yourself with the FAQs, the Posting Guidelines section, and the Index, all found at the top of the main screen. The Index contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles that discuss the most common questions and concerns people ask about. Clicking on the site's Home page will provide additional information.

> Brandye: About ten percent of women sometimes squirt.

Remember: 10% and "sometimes".

> Katoba: My GF's a virgin and I've never satisfied a girl by fingering and licking (I'm actually a virgin too).

Please read the articles in the index on making out and oral stimulation for help.

> I'm planning to go soft on her as I don't wish to damage her hymen, simply want to stroke her gently and make her achieve orgasm.

This is a good approach; however, you cannot "make her achieve orgasm". Each person is responsible for his/her own orgasms, we do not give them away. All any of us can hope to accomplish is to help our partner achieve them.

Secondly, has she learned to masturbate and have orgasms regularly and consistently on her own? If not, she has to do this first. This is explained in detail in those articles that discuss the female "O".

> I don't need advices on what she can do, as I want to dedicate my whole time pleasing her for the first time.

This is mighty magnanomous of you, yet entirely too selfish. Making love is not what we do to each other, it is what we do with and for each other in partnership. Explore and learn together. While you are reading thru the information provided here, please understand that while you may not think you need information on how to go about pleasing you, the more information you have on this and in general, the better your love life and the better your sex life will be. Maybe she needs the information, or for you to help her help you. Do not think for one minute that she is going to lie there and not want to reciprocate in some way. It is certainly OK if she does; however, do not require this of her.

You should know and understand that orgasms while in the company of a partner are generally vastly more instense than what we can achieve from masturbating. This is because of the pheromones and "sparks" flying between you. Not having an orgasm by whosever hand is to forego one of life's major pleasures! Don't knock it 'til you've tried it.

> Please explain what the consequences of her orgasm may be - squirt or not and so on...

Finally, on the subject of orgasms, you should know that they are not the biological imperative for women that they are for men. In other words, you can do much to please and pleasure her without her ever having an orgasm. This said, learn and perfect how you make love to a woman both psychologically as well as physically--as in how to have great makeout sessions! Understand that for guys at this stage making love has generally more to with with our orgasms; women on the other hand, wish to be appreciated, loved, validated, first and foremost. So, do not get all hung up on orgasms. Get concerned with how to make love. The importance of this is shown by the quantity of articles in the Index devoted to this important yet often minimized part of arousing a person.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

[dancingdoc2]

Orgasms--
The reasons for encouraging you to concentrate on making out and making love instead of having sex with orgasms are:

a. Making love is not done by the numbers. The process and the steps involved are dynamic and change moment to moment and session to session. We take our cues for what to do next from our partner's reactions.

b. It takes time to become in tune with each other, becoming relaxed in each other's company, comfortable being seen nude or partially so, and, letting go of inhibitions.

c. While guys can be up and ready in moments and achieve orgasms easily, not for for the gentler gender. A woman's "engine" needs a fair amount of priming and warming up, first. Having a Quickie is OK; however, great sessions require a minimum of half an hour of making out--more within reason and time permitting. **

d. Guys learn about orgasms straight out of puberty; not so with all girls. Many learn to masturbate later in life if at all. Boys are driven to have climaxes often, and without a lot of fanfare; for girls, learning to masturbate is a conscious and concerted effort. Since we do not give orgasms away, and because your girlfriend may not yet have learned how to achieve orgasms on her own, please understand that you can have a great time and she can greatly enjoy the intimacy without her climaxing one or more times.

e. **Please devote time to reading the articles discussing the how-to's and why fors of making out. For whatever reason nowadays, boys especially operate under the misguided misconception that spending time fooling around is old hat and mostly unnecessary. Nothing could be further from the truth. A good lengthy makeout session is necessary for a woman and very beneficial for a guy. Learn how. Learn well.

f. Here is something to think about. Males and females of the species all masturbate in generally the same basic way for their gender, yet we all have developed unique differences in how we each go about it. If we vary the routine sufficiently, either an orgasm will not happen or if it does, it will not be as expected. Now, couple this without knowing how your girlfriend stimulates herself and there is a fair chance that she will not be able to climax from your caresses.

g. The solution is to learn how she does it and this requires that she show you and guide you by taking your hand and moving it the way she does until you learn to mimic her unique technique. The same goes for you with her. (If your girlfriend has not yet learned how to masturbate and achieve climaxes regularly and consistently, encourage her to learn. She should read the articles devoted to this.)

h. The importance of reading the many articles in the Index and Home page are for you and others to understand and learn about the nuances involved with all this.

i. Communication is critically important. When we masturbate we benefit from a built-in feedback loop between the sensitive nerves in the skin and our brain. This internal feedback lets us make tiny midcourse corrections to what we are doing moment to moment in order to stay on track and build our arousal and excitement. This feedback is non existent when we turn the reins over to our partner. So, what are we to do? COMMUNICATE. There is an article devoted to verbal and non-verbal communication. Knowing about this is a must for your continuing education--your empowerment.

> I'm planning to go soft on her as I don't wish to damage her hymen

You may discover that although she is a virgin she may not have an intact hymen. Among western societies, we take a woman's word that she has never experienced intercourse; not so in some eastern cultures. It is not unusual or uncommon for a girl's hymen to rupture as a result of strenuous exercise, using Tampons, fingering and exploration.

Often by the time a girl reaches her mid--late teens her hyman may have already torn or eroded away, be it partially or completely. This said, the measure of whether a girl is a virgin is whether she has had a penis inside of her and for this we take her at her word.

> Please explain what the consequences of her orgasm may be

* That she will no doubt connect with you, or, reaffirm and reestablish an existing bond.

* That like with you, all stress and tension will go away for a while.

* It will be extremely pleasurable and enjoyable--if:

The important "if" is in learning how to go about stimulating her both emotionally and physically and in this order.

The important "if" is in knowing about and understanding the differences between the male and female psychology and physiology and about arousing each other. What you are used to doing and the technique that works for you is not what works for her, especially when you consider that your penis is a much larger version of her clitoris and that all those sensitive nerve endings in the head of your penis are compacted into a space about the size of a pencil eraser in the tip of her clitoris!

I urge you not to focus on orgasms during your early love making sessions.

1. Work first at establishing an emotional bond.

2. Work second at establishing a partnership in which you explore and learn together.

3. All this is serious business, although, you must not take it so seriously that the two of you cannot have fun. Mistakes happen. Learning how to pleasure and meet each other's needs takes time and effort. Please do not exect that the how-to's of making love are as simple as 1, 2, 3; do this and that will happen. Expect that there is going to be a learning curve as the two of you become comfortable with each other and learn how to pleasure each other.

Lastly: Do not be so self critical that you cannot have fun along the way and perhaps squelch one another's enthusiasm and enjoyment in just being together in each other's arms. Please read the article on "experience".

Now, go have a good time and be safe. Got questions?

[Sekcboi85]

Great stuff Doc!!

[sania]

Hey DocDoc2 , You are very .... I dont have words to admire your comments today. You are in real mood today. Very Very informative Sania...

[GweMi]

Kotoba,, Unless your girlfriend has had practice pleasuring herself in the past, i don't think that fireworks will be sparking on her first time.!
That goes for you also, reaching total pleasure can be a bit tricky unless you have had practiced already (i.e. if you are a pro)..

before you start, I would make sure you have read all the techniques for what to do.
Actually, this website is great for tips and hints! Take a read!

For your girlfriend to have an awesome experience and total pleasure, you need to make her 100% relaxed. As you know your girlfriend the best, only you will know how to do this.!
If a girl is feeling a little tense, automatically her abdomen muscles will tense and that will not allow you to have total access to all those areas you need to please!!

This also goes for the myth that "girls bleed during the first time of sex"..
A very small percentage of girls squirt (or bleed) on their first time of oral or normal sex!
It isnt a bad thing if she doesnt 'squirt', she hasnt hit any less of an orgasm than is she had! Dont worry!!
But she may get incredibly 'wet' down there, depending on how horny you make her!
In that case, if you are paranoid with making any type of mess on your bed (or wherever you are going to do this), put down some type of towel! But make sure you explain to her why you are using a towel, its a major turnoff for a girl if she thinks you are embarrassed or discussed by her fluids!

I hope that helped you!! Good luck!!

[capone99]

A lady I have known for about 20 years , as very good friends, was so shy and did not or never had experienced a man pleasing her orally, that every time I started to work my way down her tummy and down one leg, to come up the other one, would always be saying....'No, don't do that...It's dirty, you won't like me after....etc., etc., etc. I finally calmed her down with words of encouragement, a very tolerant attitude, and light kisses to her lower tummy and pubic area, to start. After, I proceeded to kiss her mound and gently lick and spread her lips gently with my tongue, and before you know it, she started a soft moan and guiding my head aver the points she wanted me to stimulate.

I proceeded by exposing her clitoris, gently hidden under the hood, and as it got harder and exposed itself more, I started to suck it softly and roll it around in my mouth. I also flicked it on both sides and pulled the folds of her labia into my mouth, ever so gently, and at one point, several minutes later, I think' she just grabbed my head, mashed it into her mound, and started to heave, shake and almost rip my head off between her thighs. I mean, this was a tall girl! I am 5 foot 11 and weigh in at a decent 260 lbs, but this girl was 5 foot 11, weighed in at 200 lbs, which you could not even find!, and was not to be messed with when she was in her killer heels(over 6' 2"). she wrapped her legs around my head and shoulders, started to buck like a bronco for about 2-3 minutes after which I had to surface just to breathe, but she did not come down from that high for about 20 minutes, during which she held me so tight, I thought she was going to squeeze out the stuffing in me!

Every woman has a different way of reaching orgasm, some just moan gently, others really get off, so take your time, enjoy the moment and good luck!

[GweMi]

Originally Posted by capone99

A lady I have known for about 20 years , as very good friends, was so shy and did not or never had experienced a man pleasing her orally, that every time I started to work my way down her tummy and down one leg,.....

You are one hell of a good friend!!!

[Coach Lilian]

You ought to not be sexaul active with a girl. With a women *YES*. As to do women squirt? Yes they do! Most times anyhow depending on your experience of finding the G-Spot.
Do women get lubricated (quirt?) absolutly. This was to allow easy entry for the penis. So, with time you will learn when it's fake or not. Just because of this little piece of body chemsitry given to women. There is so much more to all of this but time only will tell you. I am a certified master Coach and also have a site for MEN and a site for general question on Keen.

Any questions..connect with me: ............
Your extension on .........

Lilian

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