What am I missing?

[vixen74]

I am 30 + woman who is currently in a new relationship.I have no trouble reaching orgasm with masturbation or my vibrator but have never orgasmed with good old fashioned sex.I really want my guy to know that I enjoy sex but I just don't know where I going wrong?I am up for anything position wise bar anal sex.I have read all the articles I can on this subject on this very website but it all seems so clinical.Can someone please(male or female) point me in the right direction.

Thanks and happy shagging!

[Brandye]

The reality is that a quarter of us never reach orgasm. Another quarter reach orgasm through penetration and thrusting. That means that one=half of us (I included) require stimulation in addition to "good old fashioned sex." A considerate partner realizes this, at some level, and will be perfectly happy to do whatever is necessary. I favor "ladies first."

Until you take that penis in, it is clinical. And taking it in feels great immediately after orgasm.

[dancingdoc2]

Because very few sexual positions place a woman's pieces-parts in close constant contact with a man's body sufficient to provide the required friction, what a knowledgeable, skilled, caring, lover will do is to reach around and finger is partner while stroking.

If you click on the Home page link at the top of the screen you will find a section on illustrated animated sexual positions.

> I really want my guy to know that I enjoy sex but I just don't know where I going wrong?

It is not that you are doing anything wrong, only that the two of you need to work together in order to compensated for those many positions that do not give you the necessary stimulation from normal movements.

Adding to this is the fact that when we turn the reins over to someone else we lose the internal feedback that we benefit from when masturbating. So, give your man some verbal and/or non-verbal cues for how you are responding to his caresses and for what you need now/next. The thing about masturbation is that each of us knows what works and if we vary the rhythms or pressures too much either an orgasm will not happen, or, it will be less than desired. That said, take his fingers and move them so that he can learn to mimic your technique that is unique to you. This works fine for Foreplay activities, also. The same works for him with you, as well. None of us are mind readers, and while each of us masturbates in essentially the same way for our gender, each of us develops a certain uniqueness that is different than for someone else. This is why communication is important, and why showing him what works is critical.

> I am up for anything position wise bar anal sex.

Do you mean anal intercourse? If so, then let him know that this is an activity that is off limits. That said, what about anal stimulation, outside and in? The anus and just inside are richly endowed with sensitive nerve endings that turn on and become very reactive when we are very highly aroused. Fingering these areas will greatly enhance a persons climax and often help trigger an orgasm that is being difficult. For men, fingering the Prostate gland will be like lighting the afterburner on a jet engine! but only when he too is very highly aroused and nearing a climax.

> I have read all the articles I can on this subject on this very website but it all seems so clinical.Can someone please(male or female) point me in the right direction.

Do you mean the articles listed in the Index found at the to of the screen?

I sure hope you do not think these are "so clinical". Brandye, EEK, and I go to great lengths to present concise yet simplified explanations in each of our articles. I tend to get a bit wordy because I have found that we usually only have one shot at a person's questions. More often than not when we ask for more information or a clarification of some point the o/p will not respond. So, knowing that many people are also interested in the topic, I regularly give additional support and background information in addition to the specific information asked for.

I urge you to read the articles listed in the Index found at the top of the screen and if you find that something is not explained to your satisfaction or you have additional questions not addressed, then please ask one of us or post it on one of the Forums. This is why the site exists, to pay it forward, making life easier for those coming along after us. Comments are always welcome, as are suggestions.

-doc

[calv]

If you use toy when masterbating use them when your in the heat of love making, use them as part of foreplay he might enjoy watching you squirming with pleasure, then when the time is right finish him off.

[EvilEvilKitten]

While all women are equipped with everything needed to enjoy sex, not all will because of what's going on in their heads. Being anxious to orgasm, for example, will stop an orgasm in its tracks. Wanting to orgasm to please him is another way to kill the joy of sex - making it more like work than fun, baby.

It isn't being clinical, it is being precise.

[vixen74]

Thanks guys and gals.I shall take all the suggestions on board and give it a go tomorrow night.Generally speaking what do guys think about bringing a sex toy such as a vibrator into the bedroom? I am thinking that it might be something that can get me going and my bf can'finish me off' as you say.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Well, I'd wonder how HE would see it. In a new relationship, I do not think it is a good idea - sends the wrong message? - but later on it may become more 'kink' than a comment upon HIS skill level.

Do The Program - it works.

[spaced]

As a guy I don't have a single problem if my partner wants to use a toy. I'm far more concerned about her getting off than any social "manliness" issues.

[calv]

the wife has toys i dont mind infact i am the one choosing which one or more to play with

[EvilEvilKitten]

People - this is not an established relationship...yet. They don't really know each other so her popping in with a vibe in her hand COULD send him the message that she doubts his abilities.

Think about yur first time with a new partner...hmmm??