sex after children

[the-wanting-one]

i would like to ask any women out there how to make sex more pleasurable after giving birth to children. Quick backstory- I met and fell in love with my wife 8 years ago. We had sex constantly, and had many firsts with each other, such as oral, tittyfucking (is there a better term for that, by the way?), shaving, toys, for example. After our 1st kid 4 years ago, things slowed down, but were still pretty good. SLight drop off after #2 came. Now , a year after our 3rd child, she rarely wants to have sex. There is a mental part to it, that I understand, and have tried to be patient about.

Physically she says sex usually doesn't feel good anymore. She says there is scar tissue down there that makes sex unpleasurable. When we have a sex, its missionary only. She takes off her panties and I get in and out. No hands allowed. No oral. I feel most times she's just giving me what she knows what I want so I'll leave her alone. That really sucks. I love her immensely and want her to enjoy sex as much as I do, and as much as she used to.

Are there any women out there in a similar position? Can you offer up any advice on how to make her more sensitive? She says being on top doesn't feel good at all, and is afraid to try our vibrating ring again. She also doesn't like talking about this, which is why I'm hoping somebody can help shed some light on how to improve things. Thanks to all and anyone.

[EvilEvilKitten]

You have a very common problem.

You wife has lost herself in the pressures of motherhood. Her inhibitions have returned. Her past training is rearing its ugly head. She is no longer free to be that sexual woman you married.

Except that she is - it is just buried.

To fix this situation:

1. pay attention to her workload and her stress-levels.
2. make sure that the household is peaceful, calm, and under control yet fun
3. schedule time for you and her to be alone without the kids

for example: after dinner and the kitchen is cleaned, the kids have 1 to 2 hours to get themselves into bed, after that you two get to sit together on the porch or snuggle on the sofa - something like that. Take the dog for a walk - both of you. A nice slow lingering arm-in-arm walk, of course.

Once a month go dancing or soemthing mutually enjoyable and somewhat romantic.

4. Go find and read the sticky post entitled The Program. Take each step VERY slowly. Massage is a fine art, and it requires a lot of practice (wink wink nudge nudge) to get the skill down pat. Get a book, study, practice, practice, practice.

Step one alone may be enough to ignite her fires again. You never know your luck. The point is to work this slowly with evey step taking as much time as it takes and not moving onto the next too soon. She may, find her mind turning back to sex with Step Two or it may take Step Three. But keep going.

IF she askss what you're doing and why - tell her you miss her. Not that you miss the wild sex - no, no ,no - tell her you miss HER - that wild wicked DELIGHTFUL woman you KNOW lives within her. You entire "battleplan" is one where you INVITE your wife to reveal ALL of her desire.

And do NOT settle for anything less than that. This may be tough for you to do but try. All or nothing because if you keep settling for half-measures - you will ruin your credibility and never achieve your goal.

[Buck Naked]

Kitten is right. You need to eliminate her workload to allow her the time and the energy to enjoy her sex life. After the birth of our second child my wife's sex drive took a dip. She was great at "helping" me out, but her enjoyment was lacking that's unacceptable. I asked her what I could do to increase her sex drive and I was shocked when she said, "help out around the house more." It sounded strange, but I jumped in and did all I could and I was stunned by the results. Her drive went up exponentially and I learned that she needed my help more then I thought. I have started doing even more, not because of the sex angle, but because she does enough already.

As for setting aside time for just the two of you. Bang on. Saturday night is our "date night" and honestly, it's become my favorite day of the week without exception.

As for the medical reasons for her not enjoying sex, I can only say she should see a doctor. If sex is painful for her, I can see why she wouldn't want to.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Well, some women enjoy that sort of thing, buck. Anyway, The Program and BodyWorship can't hurt.

[Lucyfur]

After my son was born, my sex life went down the pan. Not because I didn't want it anymore, but because I didn't like the way my body looked anymore. It took me a long time to admit that this was the problem. I went from being a lights on, clothes off kind of girl, to a clothes on lights off kind of girl. It was horrible. Take some time, EvilEvilKitten has some great advice. As does Buck, its amazing how much we appreicate a bit of help around the house

Make her feel desireable, attractive, sexy. I'm still slim-ish, just a little more 'softer round the edges' lol. I had to learn what worked for my post pregnancy body...maybe a night with a nice bottle of wine, talking, gentle touching...opening up to each other?

I could be totally wrong but it worked for me...confidence is the key to a healthy sex life for me.

[Brandye]

If there is scar tissue, that could be a problem. She need begin with a gyn exam and discuss alternatives with the doctor. The psychological factors cited by badcat are more likely the issue.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Always remember - men enjoy a woman pinning him down onto the bed.

[Libidogurl]

I think she is pressured with the kids and so for the households, and this makes her libido slows down. Why don't you give her a female libido enhancer or booster to make her sexdrive level increase, I'm sure you will have a good sex with her just like before, you can also check her mood.