He didn't pleasure me!!

[aili8447]

I was with a gentleman that I've been dating for 3 dates and one thing led to another and well we masturbated each other but he didn't seem to know how to touch me. I tried to tell him what I liked and guide him but he didn't listen to me. I came close to orgasm but he would just stop and start again. It wasn't like teasing me at all. It was really frustrating to me. He touched me completely differently than any other man has. I don't want to go into details but it was just odd and gave me the feeling that he didn't know how to touch a woman at all. He says he's been married but I would think his wife would have told him how to touch a woman. I always thought this was basic stuff that by the age of 35 you would have figured out. I'm not sure if I'll see him again because it just seemed that he was more interested in pleasuring himself than me. I got to thinking about it and wondered if I'm assuming too much. Any thoughts?

I know I pleasured him cause he told me but didn't ask if it was good for me.

[Ell]

Maybe he was "trained" by the ex on how to touch her, and thinks that every woman likes what she liked. You may have to just flat out tell him that you did not enjoy it, since the subtle approach didn't work. I have FINALLY figured out that subtlety does not work with men lol You'll just have to decide if he's worth the time to "train" and if he is a selfish lover then he's probably not worth your time

[funinthesun]

The experience issue is covered in most of the stickies, however if he's 35 you'll really have to weigh if you want to bother putting up with a learning curve. If you think he's an eager learner with an open mind who works hard to succeed - then you could be in for a treat by teaching him exactly what you want. If due to this experience and others with him you don't think he is - then you're in for a lot of frustration.

[wet_suit_one]

Quick question, why are you asking us? Why didn't you tell him he screwed it up? Communication is key and all that...

Maybe I'm off my rocker. Heck you even asked him if it was good, why didn't you volunteer your frustrations?

[EvilEvilKitten]

Yes, not only do men NOT do subtlety, they also appreciate feedback and participation.

So why did you just kinda hint?

Why didn't you take his hand in yours and SHOW him what you wanted?

[Brandye]

You got a klutz. We all do sometimes. Take EEK's advice or move on.

[aili8447]

You don't understand-I didn't hint. I told him exactly where and how to touch me-he didn't listen. I'm asking here because it's been a long time since I've had sex and I lost my confidence. I never asked him how it was. He volunteered that information but never asked me.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Move on then - a man who doesn't listen really isn't worth it.

[dancingdoc2]

Originally Posted by aili8447

You don't understand-I didn't hint. I told him exactly where and how to touch me-he didn't listen. I'm asking here because it's been a long time since I've had sex and I lost my confidence. I never asked him how it was. He volunteered that information but never asked me.

> > Why didn't you take his hand in yours and SHOW him what you wanted?

You missed the key, above. There is a vast difference between verbal instruction and hands on--your hand over his. Then, give him verbal or non-verbal feedback on how you are responding and for what you need now/next.