Confused

[l.m.b.1]

My Boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 and a half years, We regularly have sex but he can't seem to last very long and it doesn't give me enought time finish. I know it really bothers him to have this problem but it seems that he doesnt really know what to do to help me finish. I have mentioned maybe going down on me would help but he says that hes not comfortable doing that. Sometimes he says he will within the week and I will ask him about it a couple days after and says maybe later I also dont want to make him feel pressured but It kinda makes me feel that he doesn't love me as much as he says he does. I understand that he doesn't want to but I feel like we've tried everything. I just cant cum during sex and he makes me feel like he doesn't really want to spend the time trying to help me. I feel really bad about having to post this but hes never made me cum and I feel im missing out!
p.s. I know hes not cheating or anything, im just concerned.

Any advice? Thanks!

[nuttychick]

You need to read the stickies on this forum .. there is more then enough info on here
for you to read and then pass on to your partner.. IF he is still not interested in giving you orgasms,,,,,,,,, find someone who will
Yes you are missing out.. don't stand for it... tell him to man up or to hit the road ....

[Brandye]

Tell him about the ladies first movement. Then, You do not admit him until you have been taken care of.

Or, tell the selfish bugger to leave.

[dancingdoc2]

Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you enjoy participating.

Originally Posted by l.m.b.1

My Boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 and a half years, We regularly have sex but he can't seem to last very long and it doesn't give me enought time finish.

How long does he usually last? Most women report that if intercourse lasts longer than ten minutes they become SORE, bored, and, tired. On the other hand, if a guy climaxes within a minute then this is Premature Ejaculation. Any duration in between that he does not intend is simply an untimely event.

Please read the Posting Guidelines at the top of the main screen. One of the entries is:

--BEGIN HERE--w/a Partial INDEX of Sex Info 101 Sex Ed. Topics

The Index lists links to helpful articles on all manner of topics. Please read this one:

INTERCOURSE / ORGASMS / and the gentle art of Humping

Please read this section: Gals Specifically-
This is Chapter One in a series (Scroll down to read each chapter along with readers' comments)

I know it really bothers him to have this problem but it seems that he doesnt really know what to do to help me finish.

The problem is that both of you need some enlightenment, so I hope you will read all of the articles in the Index.

Each of us is responsible for our own orgasms. We do not give them away. All any of us can hope for is to help our partner achieve his/hers. Communication is the key and in the form of providing verbal or non-verbal feedback on how we are responding to his/her caresses and for what we need now/next. The second requirement is that we teach each other what form the stimulation should take. Each of you should do this by taking the other's hand/fingers and guiding their movements over several sessions until they learn to mimic your unique and specific technique of rhythm, motion, and, pressure. While we may all stroke penis' and clitoris', each person has a method unique to them. When we masturbate we benefit from built in feedback that lets us modulate our movements. This is gone when we turn the reins over to someone else and this is why the verbal or non-verbal feedback requirement.

Few positions place your pieces-parts in constant contact with his body on a constant and ongoing basis needed to generate the required friction. What a knowledgeable, caring, skilled, lover will do is to reach around and finger the clitoris by hand while stroking.

I have mentioned maybe going down on me would help but he says that hes not comfortable doing that. Sometimes he says he will within the week and I will ask him about it a couple days after and says maybe later I also dont want to make him feel pressured but It kinda makes me feel that he doesn't love me as much as he says he does.

OH no! He loves you. Oral play like any other form of stimulation, even anal and prostate massage, can take one or the other some time to get used to the idea. If he has not done this before then he may not know what to do or how and is shying away instead of asking what he can do to pleasure you. If he asked that question, he could effectively hide behind his lack of knowledge and have you guide him. Give that a try.

If he has had prior experience it may be that he did not like the taste of the mucus, which really is an acquired taste. Just make sure you are fresh before inviting him to imbibe, so to speak. He should also be clean before you perform oral on him. My bet is that he is plain scared or at the very least, too worried about doing it wrong that he won't try. Now you have the tools to work with him on this.

I understand that he doesn't want to but I feel like we've tried everything. I just cant cum during sex and he makes me feel like he doesn't really want to spend the time trying to help me.

Now, to the next hangup. Do you stimulate him orally? If so, stop. If not yet, then inform him you will if he will and then make the agreement to inform each other what works, what does not, by giving cues along with feedback.

I feel really bad about having to post this but hes never made me cum and I feel im missing out!

Yes! you are and it is his lack of knowledge. It is also yours, yet please do not feel bad because this is the why of this site. To inform, to pay it forward, to make it easier for those of you coming up behind those you have gone before. So, read the articles listed in the Index, read around the forums or do searches--and ask those questions that concern you.

p.s. I know hes not cheating or anything, im just concerned.

Any advice? Thanks!

Why do you think that cheating has anything to do with this? The two of you simply need more "sex ed" plain and simple. Once, again, the "why" of these Forums and the information available via the Home Page.

Now, enlist his enthusiasm and explore and learn together in partnership.

Final tip: As a woman you should be capable of more than one orgasm in a row. If so, then etiquette dictates that you get the first and last in a session. So, ask for the first either by hand or by mouth, then work on intercourse, then end the evening (or whenever) with one last climax for you by whatever means. In the middle the two of you can have one or more however you want to time them or space them out.

Got questions?

[EvilEvilKitten]

EXCUSE ME

but something YOU should know right now:

IT IS NOT HIS JOB TO GIVE YOU ORGASMS

it is YOUR job.

If YOU cannot "finish" in the time allowed, perhaps YOU should work on YOUR sensitivity. I realise you cannot turn a plowhorse into a racehorse but when you consider the fact that you do have a G-Spot, an anterior fornix, and a posterior fornix in your vagina, one does begin to wonder just WHY you aren't having orgasms from intercourse. Hmmmmmmmmm?? Or didn't you know about that?

Think about it.

And stop pushing him to do something he doesn't want to do. How would you feel if all he ever wanted was a blowjob because penetrating you didn't do it for him? Fair is fair.

[l.m.b.1]

ok evilevilkitten you really don't need to be rude i was simply stating my problem and looking for advice so I don't know what your problem is but RELAX

[EvilEvilKitten]

Rude?
What's this then? "I also dont want to make him feel pressured but It kinda makes me feel that he doesn't love me as much as he says he does"

If that's not bloody awful rude in its attitude then what is?

That's the same kind of nonsense women have been flogging men for saying for decades now and here you are using it yourself. Confusing sex with love, using sex as a tool or a weapon, and so on - everything that makes sex rather less than what it could and should be which is a glorious reaffirmation of life.

I simply wanted to make the message perfectly clear. Men are not machines. Sex is not a push-button affair but if the mere thought of having him doesn't get your blood roaring with lust to the point where you can orgasm just from the slightest breeze then there's a problem.

And the problem might be you.

[l.m.b.1]

ok well then thanks for the advice but I don't believe that its me My boyfriend has a problem where can only have sex for like a good 2 minutes and I don't really feel like thats my problem.... I was just wondering if theres ways to help him help me.

[dancingdoc2]

Yup! there is. Asked and answered and explained, above in my reply.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Uh-huh.

May I have another brick, please?