Pleasuring Quickly

[boilerroom]

When my girlfriend and I are getting together, it often takes a long time. Don't get it twisted, I'm not trying to make it sound like it's a chore or anything. I'm not going to lie. I'm not a big guy. Below average in every sense of the word (4.5 length, 2.5 girth), and I take my time because I spend a lot of time on foreplay on her because, in a way, I'm compensating.

Unfortunately, things have gotten a little mundane and it almost feels like we have to schedule this time because we're both so busy. I want to add a little spontaneity into our sex life with random quickies when we're goofing around the house, but then I fear that I won't have the time to properly satisfy her.

Maybe I'm just being totally insecure about the size issue, but my last girlfriend, whom I dated for a year, ended up cheating on me because she said I was "a lousy lay" (not joking), and I just wasn't big enough.

Any advice for me on this subject?

[dancingdoc2]

Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you enjoy participating.

> Any advice for me on this subject?

Oh...you bet!

> When my girlfriend and I are getting together, it often takes a long time.

How long do you consider a long time?

> Don't get it twisted, I'm not trying to make it sound like it's a chore or anything. I'm not going to lie. I'm not a big guy. Below average in every sense of the word (4.5 length, 2.5 girth), and I take my time because I spend a lot of time on foreplay on her because, in a way, I'm compensating.

How did you determine your endowment is below average? Is it? I do not think so. "Average" is a range. Here's the scoop on that:

For Boys Only- A Matter of Size (Regarding your penis)

It is great that you are spending a lot of time making out; however, your justification is all wrong. It has often been said that it is not the size of the boat but the motion of the ocean that is important. Stated another way, it is not the size of your penis that matters, it is in your knowledge, skill, caring, and, technique that are what matters.

> Unfortunately, things have gotten a little mundane and it almost feels like we have to schedule this time because we're both so busy.

Many couples must schedule time together. Life is never all that flexible especially when you have kids, jobs, household needs, and just stuff to manage. So, get out the calendar and pencil in some "we" time.

> I want to add a little spontaneity into our sex life with random quickies when we're goofing around the house, but then I fear that I won't have the time to properly satisfy her.

Show her that you are in this for her or us and not just "me". Shower her with attention even if it is just for a Quickie. Love, fast or slow, is about the two of you, not just one. Do this and see to her needs with regard to getting to the BIG "O" and you should be just fine. A nice long love session requires at least half an hour of making out in order to bring the female of the species up to speed and temperature. On the other hand, she can very often get there in a flash when she is interested in a lustful Quickie. So, while both arousal methods work, one more connected to the psyche and one more to the physical, if you are devoting half to forty five minutes to making out, not only with this get her really turned on, the process will help you, also.

> Maybe I'm just being totally insecure about the size issue, but my last girlfriend, whom I dated for a year, ended up cheating on me because she said I was "a lousy lay" (not joking), and I just wasn't big enough.

This shows us what she did not know or understand.

I hope this is of help. Knowledge is empowering so please read most or all of the articles listed in the Index, include the two by EvilEvilKitten.

[dancingdoc2]

You can have some spontaneity within the framework of a schedule. Make the daily/weekly schedule somewhat loose or flexible. Write in the time you want for yourselves but keep the time frame open.

[EvilEvilKitten]

You can add or subtract various individual sex acts or foreplay techniques to your usual mode - add in an eye kiss for example, or perhaps a finger caress. Small things can have huge effects so making msall changes in your lovemaking from time to time is most effective.

But the biggest thing to beware is EVER thinking lovemaking is mundane, boring, rote- because it isn't. Not if you are paying attention to your partner. Both you and she and the interaction between you are different each and every time. Superb sex is a matter of NUANCE more than being hung like a mule. So pay attention and find out what REALLY brings her home.

[DanielScott]

First off, I think it's great you want to please her.

However, you're setting rules about what has to happen during your sex life that is robbing you both of the spontaneity.

There is nothing that says she has to come every time you have sex, or that it's always going to take her x minutes, or whatever.

I have a fairly low sex drive (possibly due to medication I take) and have been with a few girls with a very high sex drive. We had a lot of quickies. They came and I didn't. It certainly didn't worry me - it was fun - so why would your girlfriend not enjoy them too?

I'm not saying you should completely forget about her pleasure. But you don't have to please her every single time. Sex should be an enjoyable experience, not fixated on an end result.

Also, in regards to your last girlfriend, she sounds like a skank. Your girlfriend didn't cheat on you because you were a lousy lay. She cheated on you because she had no respect for herself or you, and no moral standards. If it really was a problem she would have talked to you and you guys would have gone through a lot of stuff together to try and fix the problem.

Unfortunately girls can be like that sometimes. She probably just said it to get back at you.

And also - be confident. Girls are like wolves; they can sense that kind of stuff. Have confidence and I guarantee you she will come a lot faster and harder.

Finally, TALK TO HER. Tell her how you feel and get her advice on the matter. Communication is the KEY to a good relationship. Don't let it lapse!

-Dan

[EvilEvilKitten]

Daniel Scott - bite your tongue!

"Also, in regards to your last girlfriend, she sounds like a skank. Your girlfriend didn't cheat on you because you were a lousy lay. She cheated on you because she had no respect for herself or you, and no moral standards. If it really was a problem she would have talked to you and you guys would have gone through a lot of stuff together to try and fix the problem."

That was ENTIRELY uncalled for. The MOST you can say of her is that she was not the right person for him. It is immoral to build up his confidence by damning another you do not know. You may erase the word "skank" from your vocabulary as well. It is unworthy.

Now then, boilerroom, the point is stop thinking/worrying about yourself and to focus upon the lady at hand.