Taking too long to orgasm!

[dancingdoc2]

Thank you for the update. It is great to learn that you have made progress!

> and masturbating alone or with a vibrator takes around 20 minutes each time, making it almost impossible for my bf to get me to that point.

Why? Are the two of you operating under the assumption that the way to build his arousal to the point of a climax is from lots and Lots and LOTS and LOTS of stroking and thrusting? If so, this is the wrong approach and is essentially placing the cart before the horse. Stroking and thrusting trigger the orgasm that has been peaked through half an hour or more of Necking, Petting, Heavy Petting, and finally Foreplay, inclusively. Women require a long make out session if not going for the proverbial "Quickie" in order to build their arousal to the brink of an orgasm. Guys benefit from this time devoted to making out, also. So, devote no less than this, normally, and maybe as much as 3/4 of an hour or so just to making out and fooling around.

Once you get to the brink of your orgasm and you have gotten your boyfriend to the brink of one, then invite him in either verbally or through body language and begin intercourse.

Because not many sexual positions lend themselves to the constant ongoing contact between our respective "pieces-parts" to generate the friction required to bring about a climax, good etiquette is for the man to help the woman achieve one or more orgasms before beginning intercourse. This is accomplished by hand and/or oral stimulation.

If using one of these positions that do not generate a lot of body contact in order to provide the necessary friction, what a knowledgeable, skilled, caring, lover should do is to reach around and stimulate her clitoris, the labia, and surrounding area with his finger(s) in addition.

> It was SO nice that he was patient with me & wanted me to climax first.

He's learnin'! Please give him plenty of ataboys, and continue to explore and learn together.

> He'd LOVE to see me orgasm, and I would love to do the same, but how do I make it take less time?

Read what Suki stated and proceed as above. It is important for both of you to reach your respective peaks by making out in all of its various aspects, first, before trying to climax. Please read this article:

Chapter Four:
MORE: From bungling student to graduating Lover Cum Laude

Please scroll down through the article to this chapter.

> I don't seem to relax & let it go as easily when I'm with my BF... I don't know, it seems that I'm not as comfortable with him watching me and maybe I even feel pressure to come more when I'm with him.

There does not need to be any rush unless overall you only have so much time that day/night. Either way, budget your lovemaking by devoting most of the time to making out building each others arousal level and let the orgasm take care of itself.

If you are timid and do not like making love when there is light, then turn the light off. Is the reason you are holding back your emotions because of a concern about body image? If so, there are two things to consider: First, that everyone including your boyfriend has this concern about some part or another of his/her body. All his pieces-parts are out front for any and all to see, so if you are worried about what he sees in you, don't. When we fall for someone, we pretty much also accept all of them and that means warts and all. Second, he loves all of you even if something is not perfect, so let him adore you.

> for some reason, it's more of a stuggle to just let it go when I'm with him--more like 30-40 minutes. Any suggestions?

30-40 of direct stimulation of your genitals just to get you to climax, OR, 30-40 minutes of fooling around in which the orgasm happens at the end of this time as a natural progression of events?

> OK, so now I'm trying to use my vibrator less often because my goal here is to be able to JUST use my fingers or let my boyfriend touch me--at least at first.

You are on the right path. The more a person relies upon the intense sensations of a vibrator, the more difficult it is to retrain the brain to be responsive to the less intense feelings a finger or tongue produces. Vibrators are nice; keep their use to a minimum and only for a diversion to the norm.

> The best success I've had is while I touch myself, we are either kissing while he touches me all over, or when he sucks on my tits, it's like a direct route to my clit. It also seems to help if I take a little break here & there--like 30 sec-1 minute, and use more lube. Does that make sense?

Yup! Do whatever seems right and right in the moment.

> My guess is that if you can let yourself go and make love with abandon, that you will enjoy any and all orgasms more as well as being better able to bond emotionally with your boyfriend. It's a worthy goal. Men and women are both turned on to a much greater degree when in the company of a lover than when going solo. This is because of the "chemistry", "sparks", and, pheromones in the air around you. These will be squelched significantly if you fight letting go. Please read EEKs articles listed in the Index and practice the methods she discusses.

> I kind of wonder if my BF has been with women who have faked it because he thinks I take quite a long time.

The determining factor is how much direct stimulation of your genitals is required. As Suki stated, it takes 20 minutes minimum and that is just warming up and reving up your "engine"--then comes the genital play. So, knowing how your time is generally allocated will help answer this concern of his.

I really recommend that the two of you read all of the articles listed in the Index. Knowledge is empowering.

--BEGIN HERE--w/a Partial INDEX of Sex Info 101 Sex Ed. Topics

Lastly--

It does not matter much whether one or both of you are first timers or one or both have had other partners. Any time two people come together, there will be a new Square One from which to begin. "Experience" equates to knowledge not skill.

HELP! S/He is more EXPERIENCED! To which I say:

If he did have another partner and she did fake it, he may have a preconceived notion on how long it should take; however, every person is different and every event with this person is going to be different. One day you may have an orgasm in a matter of minutes, yet another day it may take a concerted effort, yet other days--somewhere in between. Please do not be a clock watcher. Better me thinks to learn how to make love and this is why many of the articles were written.

Keep up the good effort and progress and please keep us informed on how the two of you are making out--pun, if any, intended!

[EvilEvilKitten]

I stand by my position that a skilled lover can caress the G-Spot with the head of his penis and, if even more skilled, can also caress either of the fornices and can by moving from one oto the other, can induce orgasms in women from intercourse as well as by oral or manual stimulation. The lady has to be willing and he has to be a bit limber.

[pink_menace]

you're having probs in making it less...while i'm having probs to take it longer.....

[EvilEvilKitten]

Pink - relax through your orgasms and continue on - becoming multi-orgasmic - then you can "go" for as long as you want - problem solved!

[pink_menace]

tnx kitten...i'll keep that in mind...^^