first timer in need of help

[gibson4803]

Well, it's mine and her first time tomorrow and I really care about her but I heard that doing it for the first time hurts girls. Is there anything I can do to decrease the pain and increase the pleasure?

[funinthesun]

Go through the Index, read the correct forum.

[Brandye]

If you do not really care for her, forget it. The pain of being used for some guy to get his rocks off with no feeling is greater than the physical pain involved.

[dancingdoc2]

Please heed Brandye's advice.

> I heard that doing it for the first time hurts girls. Is there anything I can do to decrease the pain and increase the pleasure?

It may or may not hurt. Much depends on whether the hymen is intact, whether it eroded away or was torn as a result of physical activities earlier in life. In addition, if she is anxious and thus tense as may very well happen the first time or two, the activity could be uncomfortable. If the guy (you) is rough, intensionally or not, then poking, prodding, jabbing, or pushing, can be uncomfortable. If intercourse is attempted too early in the process and she is not sufficiently aroused, or if little or no lubricant (natural or synthetic) is used then this can also cause discomfort.

The fix? Be gentle; press, do not push or shove the penis. Have her guide your penis to the space between the hymen and vaginal wall, instead of just arbitrarily placing the penis in the vaginal opening where it may or may not contact and push against the hymen.

If using a condom, make certain it has plenty of lube all over it.

Lastly, making love is a cooperative partnership. It is not what one person does to the other; rather, what we do with and for each other. Work together. Communicate. Give each other verbal or non-verbal feedback on what is happening, how you are responding to each other's caresses, and, for what you need now/next.

> Is there anything I can do to decrease the pain and increase the pleasure?

As for the pleasure aspect of the event, please understand that any pain or major discomfort will more than likely prevent her from having an orgasm, presuming that she ordinarily can have them. "Pleasure" is both physical and emotional. Concentrate on the emotional and the physical will usually take care of itself with practice and learning all you can about being a caring, compassionate, skillful lover.

[haillei]

Well, there is nothing you can do with the pain for the first time. It is sort of an initiation for the female population. Be shocked if she doesn't hurt a bit and even found it pleasurable in the first instance. What you could do is to concentrate on other parts like trying to caress her. Try to be gentle and feel it if you are already hurting her. You might want to use some lubricant to help you further. Also, you might want to assure her that everything is alright, even if you are also unsure . Nervousness could cause her not to produce natural lubrication and that would really hurt. This will help you a lot, I suppose http://www.avert.org/faqypsex.htm#q5. Good Luck!

[dancingdoc2]

This brings us back to the beginning--and, what the good doctor stated.

If you do not care for her--forget about it.

[gigi]

A little confused here. He said he really cares about her. Why are you guys jumping to "if you don't care, forget it"???

To the OP -- being loving and caring and gentle with her is the best thing you can do. If you are considerate of her, take things slowly and pay attention, you'll be fine, even if you have to stop or change what you're doing.

[gorgeous_mistake]

Um.. make her really horny and super wet!! Thats the best advice I got. I recently did it for the first time a month ago (I'm a female). If you have specific questions, message me if you want!

[dancingdoc2]

Two reasons for the comment come to mind.

1. For the other guy(s) reading this thread who might be contemplating the idea
2. For the guy(s) also reading this thread who will say and do anything in order to get their rocks off.

[lnt1103]

Personally I don't get scheduling it. What is that? Am I missing something? I could be old fashioned, but with no man I've ever been did we schedule when it would happen, least of all the very first time it happened together. It happened when we both wanted it and were ready. And even when we were ready, we didn't know it was going to happen till it happened.

Don't get me wrong, discussions were had ahead of time so that resources were available for the occasion whenever it happened, but it happened when it decided it would happen.

And I don't mean to be rude, so I hope this hasn't offended anyone. I just think planning it to the extent that its on a schedule takes an element away from it. And again, maybe I'm just from a different mentality.