The Anatomy of the Female "O", Answered by Brandye & Dancingdoc2 & Inspired by Godiva

[moderatorIII]

This Sticky essay was inspired by "Godiva" and answered by Brandye in recent threads. Additional tips 'n techniques are provided by Dancingdoc2. States Brandye: "Great question never asked here before. Thanks for asking!"

Originally Posted by Godiva

Are some women physically incapable of having an orgasm? I've read a few posts in which Brandye has stated about a quarter of women never reach orgasm, but what exactly is the reason?

Originally Posted by Brandye in Reply

A women's orgasm is irrelevant to nature while the man's is necessary to propogate the species. Orgasm/ejaculation is almost automatic in the male but not in the female. We must actually learn.

Because of what we are taught or threatened with (nice girls do not touch themselves down there!), many women begin to see sex as bad or threatening or something to be done for the man. As a result, many women never expect to have an orgasm and, by god, they do not. Others who try experience failure many times over and eventually give up. Sexual abuse (about twenty percent of all women have been abused) turns many off to the point where sex is only necessary to become a mother. Some who experience Vaginismus early, never quite overcome the fear that it will return.

There is some small percentage of women who are physiologically unable to attain orgasm, although the vast majority can - if they learn how.* Some of us are built such that the proper parts are not easily titillated; others they are too exposed. And many a woman gets so fed up with having her clitoris pounded by a klutz she simply does not want it.

We do know that the earlier a woman begins to masturbate, the more satisfactory her sex life will be later.** Rather than encouraging playing with ourselves, we are actually told it is evil to pleasure ourselves. The same thing happens to boys but when enough semen gets backlogged, it comes bursting out while sleeping. Most young men learn that they do not have to wait for nature and figure out how to do it for themselves. There is no such imperative for women and many simply do not know what an orgasm is. I have had several patients in their 30s (and one who was 54) experience orgasm for the first time. This says, keep on trying. The best training for orgasm is done alone and many young women simply do not discover this. I think female masturbation should be part of the health or sex ed curriculum. Try telling a bunch of uptight religious that!
__________________
Brandye

* 25% of all women never have orgasms; 50% of all women need some stimulation in addition to penile thrusting to achieve orgasm.*** That leaves one-quarter of us who regularly have orgasms as part of regular vaginal sex.

Though all of us are capable of multiple orgasms, only about ten percent of us regulary have multiple orgasms. Many of us, I have no numbers, choose not to have orgasms each time we have sex. I am perfectly content with an orgasm once a week but while living with men (two different ones) in our twenties, they wanted more sex than that. I commonly had sex, very willingly, without orgasm. One of the beauties of being a woman is that we can fully enjoy sex without ever reaching orgasm.

We can only guess at how commonly women have orgasms during sex but it is less than most believe.
__________________
Brandye

** The following link offers instruction on how to make the transition from preorgasmic to an orgasmic female:

For Women Only- Help! Why Can't He Make Me Orgasm?

*** Girls, take note-
It is critically necessary for you to be able to masturbate and reach an orgasm on your own. If you can and do, then you can guide him in what to do in order to achieve an orgasm. If not, then you absolutely must learn to masturbate, first, in order to connect the nerves in the skin with the pleasure center of the brain and to establish these connections. You must know what it takes to bring about an orgasm before you can expect your partner to help you have them. Guys pretty much learn matter-of-factly right out of puberty; girls learn much later in life, if at all.

Please keep in mind that very few positions provide an opportunity for a woman to achieve a climax directly from intercourse. That said, what a loving, caring, skilled, lover will do is to reach around and finger the clitoris while stroking. Hint...hint.... Hey! Fellas: Consider helping your partner to climax before intercourse as well as after, also, if it is her wish.

For all concerned-
I recommend that each of you demonstrate to the other how you masturbate and then to take each other's hand and guide each other's movements over a few sessions until both of you learn to mimic each other's method of rhythm, motion, and pressure.
__________________
Dancingdoc2

[Sugarbandit]

yes, some women can't have orgasm for the whole life (based of some studies i have read). My ex-wife can't have orgasm or extremely dificult to have it, she confessed to me. In the 10+ years i've been with her maybe few times she had orgasm. She told me she had, i'm not sure is true or not. And these few times of "O" was helped with a vibrator, and even this it toke about an hour for her to reach the "O". But women who can't have a "O" still can enjoy sex. Aside my ex can't have a "O" i feel she enjoys sex, and her vagina always super wet. She told me she can have the climax, just can't have orgasm. I don't know if she was lying to make me feel good, i hope it is true

[browneyedgirl]

"There is some small percentage of women who are physiologically unable to attain orgasm"

My question is, how do we know that? If many women don't orgasm but are capable of it, why wouldn't these ones be the same? What went into the studies that proved this?

[pprplates]

My girlfriend and i have been together for about 5 months and though weve tried basically everything, she hasn't been able to climax. This is after having sex every day, sometimes more then once. The closest weve gotten was when she was on top, but she told me she just kept getting this feeling where she had to go to the bathroom, and it wasnt changing. However, when were in a different position or im fingering or something, she says she doesnt feel anything at all.

Im not sure what to do but i know shes losing hope quickly and unfortunately i am too. I also get the feeling that she doesnt like sex because she cant feel anything and that is in some ways affecting me, because i feel like it's my fault. I hope shes not part of that 25%.

[rob008]

Thank you for the help....

---But when I feel her vagina start to tighten up a lot as well as her shivering does that mean she is getting close or what?? And if it is that fact that she is close what is the best way to finish the job???

[Limerick]

Like most children, I, too, learned that masturbating was bad. Due to some unfortunate events, I actually learned about and utilized masturbation since I was five-years-old. This has not at all hindered my sex life. I have quite an active one, actually. But I have not yet been able to attain orgasm through penetration. Through practice with my boyfriend, I've been able to achieve orgasm by rubbing my clitoris over the shaft of his penis. However, there was one position (with another guy) that I was nearly able to achieve orgasm. My legs were over his shoulders, which allowed him to penetrate deeper than before. Needless to say, it was really, really good sex, and I was going to orgasm, but at the last second, I pulled my legs back, braced them on his chest, and pushed him away from my body.

I tell you this because I believe there are some women who are afraid to achieve orgasm simply because they're scared. I believe that some women look at it as giving away something special. I could accurately be called a whore, but I'm still terrified of any man giving me an orgasm through penetration, and what my relationship with that man might become.

[lmbjless]

I am new to this. But I am willing to learn & my goal is to become an orgasm provider. I am learing from the Master Anton from NYC. So far so good. Nothing can be better than to see enjoyment on a female face. My love to all & peace to the world.

[pink_menace]

yup ....I for some reason don't cum often but what gives me satisfaction is seeing my partner in the brink of his orgasm...

[jackcollins]

yup yup so right
nothing is more pleasing than the feeling ov satisfying yer partner in sex

[filipinocutie]

in my relationship at first i could not reach an orgasm but what i eventually learned was to just relax close my eyes and get into the moment. if u keep the fact that u cannot orgasm in the front of ur mind as a goal are u really enjoying it?? just take a deep breath in and lose ur self in the moment and hopefully that will help in the long run.