Questions...

[wildshyild]

Okay,hi I'm new here and I have a few questions.
I have sifted through all the links on www.sexinfo101.com but there a few yet un-answered.
I also have a few concerns...so here they are:

1)I'm 19, have had sex before with only one person--my current b/f. Yet I have never orgasmed. I am working hard on that, doing all the tips I've heard and read, but still can not. *I heard a rumor===caffiene affects your ability to have an orgasm? Is that true? I drink alot of coffee and/or tea....

2)I have had an orgasm(s) before when masturbating....I think. Is it possible to OG w/o female ejaculation? if not, was it not truly an orgasm?

3)Okay,me and my b/f had had anal sex about 6-10 times now, and I just noticed that today after he was gone, I was bleeding. It's light and red, defiently not menstrual. Should I be worried? We've done anal before, using fingers,toys and his penis. and 'lubed up" every time. And this has never happened? I *can't *seem to get ahold of my ob/gyn and I'm getting really nervous....

4)It's not safe to use saliva as a lubricant anywhere,right? it will better spread disease?

5) I am uber-sensitive down there, and fingering is almost more than i can take--I have nearly blacked out before,that's how sensitive I am. *When my b/f performs cunnilingus on me,it's even worse (more sensitive). Could this sensitivity be a problem when I am trying to have an orgasm? And is there a way to...de-sensitize? I have a few toys (dildos and vibrators and so on ) that I use regularly along with my own ..hand but I'm not as sensitive to that touch as to the softer touch (yes, rough tough is OKAY! by me and doesn't bother me,sensitive-wise, but I get rubbed raw, which sucks). I've heard about "butterflies" (eh, is that the name?Something like that...) and so on, but I'm worried I'd be too sensitive for them and pass out? Is that possible?

~and~

6)When I get rubbed raw (sorry,that may be almost way too much info !) is there a way to lessen the pain? And how soon is it usually safe to have sex afterwards, without fear of *diesease/infection?


Thank you so much for any help,

LIV T.

[demonbuttercup]

2) Of course. Only a small fraction of women who are actually able to orgasm are able to have female ejaculations as well. If you can't, there is nothing wrong with you, in fact you are in the majority. Remember, some women aren't able to orgasm at all.

3) I would say you probably had a small tear or something. Just keep an eye on it, it should heal in a few days... just dont do anything to that area for awhile.

4) saliva is a perfectly safe lube. What kind of diseases are you talking about? If you had an STD you'd probably already be spreading it around.

5) I would tell you b/f to be extra careful and touch lightly down there. Im also wondering if you could use one of those desensitizing creams made for men. Not sure if thats safe for women?

6) what are you doing to get rubbed raw??? That has happened to me once or twice but only because I didn't have enough lube or something. If it happened I'd usually wait until it stopped hurting to have sex again. Which was like a day or 2.
What diseases and infections are you referrring to?? Should be ok unless there is like an open wound or something. I'd take it easy down there... I dont think its normal or healthy to constantly rub it raw down there.

[WallyLlama]

First, I'd say "don't be embarrassed" people have posted much worse things worthy of embarrassment. Ignorance is nothing to be embarrassed over.

Second, many your questions are health related. Health related questions are best discussed with a trusted medical professional; not on a public forum.

That said,

1. If you've sifted through the links here, you know that working on an orgasm is often counter-productive. I don't know if there is a link he and I'm not sure how to post one, but I recommend www.clitical.com as a place filled with information about orgasming (especially for women).

2.Female ejaculation is not a requirement to proving orgasm. Some women never ejaculate and still have powerful orgasms.

3.I'd suggest no more anal until you see the ob/gyn. See second paragraph.

4. There's not enough information to answer the question. It is possible to spread some diseases orally... but the entire safe sex issue is about risk. Measuring risk includes knowing your partner and more. In other words, salvia might be safe, but it also might not.

5. & 6. I tend to add everything up in a post... you can cum from masterbating, not with bf... you've been bleeding from anal... he's rubbed you raw... if I understand you say you respond well to your toys with your own "softer touch"... to be honest, it sounds like your bf needs to lighten up and accept some responsibility for your elusive orgasm with him. Since you can masturbate successfully to orgasm, it sounds like you and he need to work together to discover some techniques and touches that are going to work for you.

Even if I've added wrong, it sounds like you and he need to work together to discover those techniques... do not automatically assume that not orgasming (or ejaculating) equates to some failure on your part.

And try the ob/gyn again.

[Brandye]

If you have looked around a bit, you saw my discussions about anal sex. That is a one-way valve not designed to admit anything as large as a penis. Others disagree but I take the medical position. Read and decide for yourself.

The rest of your issues focus on over sensitivity. Sex is not a pucishment against women. Get some balance in what he does. Do not attack the clitoris, move around it; do not move the clitoris, move the hood; do not use heavy pressure in a concentrated area,; use the whole hand (or with a towel) over a large area. Use lots of lube and a non-latex condom. Latex is terribly abrasive at a microscopic level - as I learned on a sex marathon in University.

Saliva is a great lube. It also is home to the microbes that cause yeast and thrush. Easily treatable. You are already doing cunnilingus, so a little more salive won'e hurt a thing.

Do not go to the point of becoming sore. Some guys take pride on how long they can go. We women have limits - different for each of us and at different times - on what we can stand. If it goes too long, take a break and give him a bj.

The issue with your soreness is not disease, it is how long do you take to heal. If it still feels tender, wait another day or so. You may like it rough, but some parts of you are rebelling.

[demonbuttercup]

Here is the link to Brandye's
Golden Post on anal sex

[wildshyild]

Thanks all for your comments/ replies.

I know I sounded childish in my askings, so i don't need that pointed out.

Since the last post I have solved most of the matters:

1)I'm cutting back on caffiene--as an 'experiment' .I do realize that my not being able to have an orgasm except through masturbation may be all in my mind. I think I'll try mutual masturbation? HM.

2) I am so stupid. I realized later on I had had orgasms before,except *only through masturbating. I am going to try mutual masturbation and/or doing it in front of Him. To,you know, see what happens. I *think it'll be interesting ,among other things

3)heh, the bleeding...well,..I am so stupid. Okay,I'm on The Pill, and hadn't my period in a while and so I sort of...forgot about it (easily done! Ladies, you know what I mean) .So when I started my placebo pills and started bleeding again, I didn't quite think clearly and sort of..spazzed out. It's okay though! Just my crimson wave ! Yay for that (wow, I NEVER thought I'd be saying that ) !!!!

4)I was thinking about what demonbuttercup said,about yeast infections and so on, then some STDs *but neither of us are a carrier(we both were just tested). I was mainly worried about open sores but ..yeah why would we be doing anything 'down under' *if I had open sores ? **smacks my forehead* *DUH!


5)Hm,still trying to figurethis one out. I think I will try your Men's Desensitizing Cream idea,demonbuttercup. Thanks

6)Heh, sorry. I ..like it H&R--- hard and rough sometimes, with a few light touches mixed in here and there. Have calmed down (a bit,a bit) since then.....was that only yesterday?

Thanks everyone for your help !!!!!!



LIV T.