getting my wife out of her shell

[stemel]

I was wondering if anyone can help me out. *I've been married for several years, and sex with my wife has always been good, but I want to find ways to make it better. *

The problem I have is my wife has always been a bit shy when it comes to that department. *For example, in the roughly 6 years we have been together, I can count on one hand the amount of times she has instigated sex. *It seems, especially as of late, that unless I start it, it won't happen. * Don't get me wrong, once I start up, she gets into it also. *But not the way I'd hope. *

Unfortunatly for me, I have not had oral sex from her in years. *I know I could just talk to her, but I know she doesn't always feel comfortable talking about sex. *One time I was giving her a message, which eventually led to me fingering her. *I asked her to let me know what feels best for her, cause I really want to make her feel as good as she can, but she never gave me any responses. *

And I know she can be more involved. *The other night I wanted to really make her feel good. *She was very tight and irritated from work/family issues, so I lit a bunch of candles in the bedroom, turned on some soft music, and gave her a nice, long back rub. *Which led to a whole body rub, and led to me giving her oral sex. *From her response, she enjoyed it very much. *I actually got a thank you after. *Anyway, we had sex after that, and we broke out a postition or two we had not done in a little bit. *Doggie style and her on top (we've done her on top, but this time she was sitting up straight with her hands on my chest and really working it). *As before, she really enjoyed herself. *As did I .

I guess what I want is my wife to a bit more aggressive and to open up more. *I don't expect her to be crazy and I would never want her to do something she is not comfortable with. It just makes me feel that I am the one who needs to get her to be that way. *And I'm afraid that talking to her may either embarress her, or give her the idea that I am not happy with her. *Cause that is certainly not the case. *

Any advise or help would be greatly appreciated. *Sorry for the long post.

[WallyLlama]

Repeat paragraph 3. (or a version thereof)

A lot.

LOL

Seriously, it's important to recognize that you have a mission that is not going to happen with the flick of a switch. The fine line you have to walk is making sure that "making things better" isn't so much a criticism of what is.

You might, for example, tell her how much you enjoyed the candle lit evening... even point out that her thank you did not go unnoticed. Tell her you're going to do it again and hint she can make requests.

It might take some time and lots of massages and candles... but you are setting a stage. You're actually demonstrating how you want the relationship to develop... and, in a sense, creating an obligation for her to respond and react in the same or a similar way.

Just take it slow... let it develop. Lots of patience, lots of love, lots of attention on your part... it sounds like work, but I'll bet you find it worth it.

[morena22]

Hey, I read your message and in alot of ways reminded me of well,..me!I understand where your wife is coming from, she doesn't want to seem like "whorish" to you. But just a couple of pointers, my husband started encouraging me to buy pretty bras and panties. Not right into leather and whips. If she feels pretty, she'll want to show you more! Let us know how it works out, Good Luck!

[Rawbob]

Well, i have heard this complaint, good lord, hundreds of times from friends and co-workers.

Here's usually the issue: If you have ALWAYS initiated sex (from the time you started dating thru to today) its tough to get your wife to understand the need to change. She probably thinks thats just way way its supposed to be.

When you say

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] ]I know I could just talk to her, but I know she doesn't always feel comfortable talking about sex.

- you're condemming yourself to continued frustration.

If you want things to change, you need to initiate the change. You also need to explain to her right up front that nothing is "wrong" but that for hte past x-years, you've always initiated sex and love making love wiht her. (Make sure you call it making love, not having sex).

This is not going to be a 1-talk resolution. You can't expect her to change years of behaviour in just one chat. It needs to be reinforced. YOu need to let her know that YOU need to feel that she wants to make love with YOU sometimes. That you like it when she initiates lovemaking because it's just another way she can show how much she loves you.

If you sound like you're complaining, you're not going to get much accomplished. ...so don't sound like you're bitching!

Hope this helps.

[vingo]

first , congratulation you pass the hartest point and she started to change the postion and oral . i spend a lot on night and days try to convince my wife with that . now she is a perfert and i can't imagen do sex with other she likes everything now . don't be in hery to learn her every time do one more thing to arrive to everythin this is the palin wait till she tell you i prefer that and i like ti do this . it's not impossible and will happend very soon .
i agree with morena acording the lingery try to by here what you like to see her with and let here fill confortable with her body . i was shay to buy lingery to my wife but i see it's very easy try and i hope to be more confortable next time .

[jmns]

you two have been married for years now. you two should sit down and talk about the issue. i also agree that she should buy more sexy lingerie. feeling sexy yourself can be one of the bigest turn-ons there is. another suggestion tht may be worth while is reading books about sex together or placing them around the house(out of reach of children). the moe one is aquanted with a topic, th more comfortable they will be when talking about it or acting it out. good luck.