Women...and orgasming

[Muppet74]

when i meet someone new and know that i want to be with them physically...all the (men/boys/guys...take yur pick) always boast about being so great at sex.
They usually want me to come or talk about cumming for them...the only thing is...I rarely ever do...Now, don't get me wrong...I enjoy sex...I moan, and gasp, legs/body shakes when things are going great...
so when I tell them, I've haven't really ever...come...they then pick up the britches, smile slyly and say...don't you worry...I can make you come...
It's annoying and I can't help but laugh...if they think they can do it...great..I'm up for the trying (and the fun)...but come on...give me a break...I mean...really..Are YOU that good?
So, what if I don't come like you do...does that mean that there is something wrong with me??? I still enjoy the pumping and thrusting and getting all sweaty...I just don't...see fireworks going off in my head.
So...Tip to you....
Don't assume that there is something wrong with her just because she has difficulty...I figure in my case...I prob. haven't haven't found someone I love or trust completely yet...

[vagabondprince]

my ex couldn't cum from sexual intercourse either. when she told me, i didn't try any harder than i already had. i knew that i could make her cum, it was just with my tongue and not my penis. so when wanting to please her, i'd go down on her rather than suggest sex.

i'm kinda curious, are you able to orgasm from oral sex?

[eDJ]

When I was in my first sexual relationship with steady girlfriend
I, as a guy, had difficulty with it. I could have sex for long periods of time and she was quite pleased with what she had found in me. She let me know all the time how happy she was to be with me....but I still couldn't do it.

I had heard so many lectures from my parents about the consequences of getting a girl in trouble etc etc....and this girl had just had a child months before and given it for adoption...I was a bit put off to say the least. Still she had the experience with guys I lacked with girls. All I had going for me was my "fortress of defences" I had become. I wasn't
too feeling as I was too intellect driven for those, I was somehow on constant guard so to be in control of myself.

The ability to cum or orgasm comes from allowing ones body to
enjoy its sensorary processes. When the mind is the custodian of all these processes and is working from a group of codes, or mannerisms one has been taught it is likely to
firewall any feelings trying to get thru(as if they are viruses).
When this happens there is a conflict between the behaviors
of a young person who has been warned not to do it and the emerging young adult who is learning to become sexual and experimenting.

Lots of young people have this problem, and when you're a girl hearing some young punk who thinks he's a stallion telling
he has all the answers.....no doubt your defence shield will come up and flash "BullShit Warning". Of course the guys will tell you that cause they want sex...maybe even sex with you
Muppet74 because they genuinely like you(ever think of that?)
and the guys know the girls don't go for the wimp-o loosers.
Just the same, it leaves you with heightened suspicions of guys in general.....and you'll never cum in that frame of mind I'll assure you.

Guys and girls both have to learn to allow themselves to "LetGo"(observing their protection) but otherwise allowing a
physical mood to take place where intellect is dismissed for the time being and sensual pleasure absorb your consciousness. You may be in your own fantasy daydream as he is having sex with you to do this. Some girls really like doggy position as they aren't looking at the guy while this takes place, or they want a totally dark room. Before I could cum....for some reason.....by lover covered her head with a pillow so I didn't see her yet could view her breast or look down and see myself penetrating her. The idea was to allow
me to just be able to cum when having sex with her. I finally
had to masturbate for her like that and cum on her which pleased her and she rewarded me with her affection. I had even had fears of being naked with her when we first met and wanted to become intimate as we got to know each other.

As time went on, I could manage to cum for her and learned to sense the feelings I would get inside which weren't anything
to do with thinking.....they were feeling. I slowly learned this path taking my first steps in my early twenties, to a point that is now second nature. What made it possible for me was I had a good woman who knew and understood, and realized she had a chance for a constructive relationship for her, what
it would take to get me started to become functional sexually.

Prior to her I had sort of hid myself from girls and became more
and more isolated with female contact. I found myself arguing with girls and appearing aloof to them when they tried to engage me and get to know me with their flirtation. I didn't know girls that well, I didn't know how to relate to them,
and it is sure if I were with one I wouldn't cum if we had sex.
What I learned from this phase of my life is that it wasn't anyone who could make me cum but myself. I'd learned to do it looking at pictures and masturbating and fantasizing but with a real person there was uncertainty and possible danger.
Today I would imagine it as more of a left brain vs right brain
conflict somehow.

This is what I can share from my own experience for others here with this problem or dilemma. I'd mention this old book
which I once saw in paperback...you could probably find it used....."The Sensuous Woman" by "J". I'm sure you could find it used or even at a public library somewhere. It isn't hard to read and may be a big help getting your sexual self
on track.

eDJ

[WallyLlama]

Good advice, Muppet. But as you probably suspect, it will mostly fall on deaf ears. I can't help but notice how the themes of the replies so far contain suggestions and advice as if the issue is your ability to orgasm.

That's not a criticism of the replies, it's an observation that we (collectively) are obsessed with orgasms.

So many people tend to equate sex with power when it's supposed to be about pleasure.

"Moaning... gasping... legs/body shaking..."

If that's enough for you, it's enough for me!

[eDJ]

What Muppet74 says is true.......some women just don't cum.
Some never will with a lover, although they can enjoy every bit of the sex. It is only a problem if you want to and can't.
Or if he wants a girl who can and you can't....but you still want him.

I've known girls both with and without that aspect of their sexuality. Speaking as a guy.....it is a very rewarding feeling
when she does it and it does give a guy a special satisfaction
when it happens for his lover............otherwise....why would
we be hearing about the big "O" all the time?


eDJ

[Brandye]

Interesting. Muppet states a simple fact. One that is reality for many women. Four guys respond with solutions when Muppet already stated that that is an annoyance.

25% of all women never, or very rarely, experience orgasm. 50 % of us, and I am in this group, never, or very rarely, experience orgasm from penile thrusting. Most of us greatly enjoy sex even when we have no real desire for orgasm. Many of us (most?) have faked orgasm simply to get it over with or avoid hurting some jerk's feelings.

Don't tell Muppet how to get over it; accept what she has to say and accept that you are not responsible for any woman's orgasm. Take care of your own and we can handle ourselves quite well, thank you.

[eDJ]

[vagabondprince]

i love when people make assumptions that i'm saying that crap because i'm macho and all when it's just because an orgasm was an important thing for my ex. i never suggested a solution. i simply said how it was for myself, and posed a question to muppet.

[i just fall into the meadow]

I am guessing that its the same for many women. It's the same for me, and though I tell the guy I am not easy to please, hes like "oh, well thats all about to change".. like he's mr. Amazing... and he never is.

[Muppet74]

Do I like oral sex?? HELLOOOOO...for sure...love it, just don't get any of it now a days..
ok...admittedly, from when i touch myself, (always on top of pubic bone - not inside)...I can "relax" in 2 min...at least. But it's like...only a small, inconsequenial "O" of like, 10 secs...
"boo hoo"...I would love to find someone who helps me in discovering who I am (sexually...I DO like sex and all the accoutrements(sp??)) I know how to pleasure my partners and maybe a reason why I haven't really really yet, is b/c I don't fully trust myself or YOU...
It's just annoying when I hear all about how your egos are SURE that you men can help me achieve this...then get funked out when it doesn't....you blame me.
As Brandye says...(awesome woman there...hey B..you rock!)
Most of us greatly enjoy sex even when we have no real desire for orgasm.
Do I like to tease??? Hell ya!!...If I can make you wonder what I am going to do next....that's a turn on for me...