PLease help me this has nothting to do with sex but i need help!
I want to find my father. I have never met him and he doesnt even know i exist. I want to find him because all my life the one thing i wanted was to meet him and know that if he did know about me would he have wanted me to be his daughter.
All i know about him is his first and last name. And i dont know how to tell my mother that i want to find him. She is the only one that can tell me the information i need to know to find him. So please help me what should i do?
Fri, 06/18/2004 - 19:11
#1
please i need help
You have every right to find your dad. He's your dad. Gently explain to your mom that you want to find him for your own reasons. Her agenda should not become yours. I do not agree with Demonbuttercup on this. Every person has the right to know their biological parents. Just be careful, he may not turn out to be what you expect. You have to have that in mind.
Good Luck and God Bless!
You'll need your Mom's help and you'll need to be a bit of a detective.
Bear in mind, he may not want to be found. Since there was a paternity suit, he may see an attempt to find him as threatening.
I did some searching for you and find that most of the "find parents" results are just that: companies looking for deadbeat parents over child support issues.
One that might get you started is: http://www.pimall.com/nais/missingm.html
I'd also suggest looking through some of the geneology sites where you can learn how to find information about people.
My mom wasnt even sure if the man that is my father (tim) was my father. If that makes sense. My mom says he was a good guy, a friend of hers. My mom had been in a long term relationship with this one guy (glenn) but then they broke up and the next sat she was out with friends and got drunk (which now she nevers even drinks any alcohol) and she slept with Tim. She didnt even know that tim was my father, she expected Glenn to be. So after i was born she had a paternity suit and it turns out glenn wasnt my father. She tried to find my father but since she had last seen him he had moved. thats the situation, and a while ago my mom said she would be able to accept the fact that if i wanted to find him i could she just didnt want me to do it until i was like 18. Im 16 by the way. And i just want to find him. I just want to know if hes even alive because i believe i said earlier all my life i thought he was dead. And thank you for all your advice and help i will be very carefull. If you think you have any more advice and information that you think might help me thank you.
Lots of good advice so far... which boils down to "proceed slowly."
I'd add VERY.
There are so many issues around this and I'd encourage you to really consider them - all of them. Doing so is really beyond the scope of a post or two here.
What should you do? Just that. There are sites for people attempting to locate parents... I'd suggest you visit not so much in an immediate attempt to begin searching, but more to hear other people's experiences and learn.
Bear in mind that people are quick to report the happy ones, less quick to post the disasters.
In my mind, the most important question you should answer with yourself - very honestly - is why you have this need and what you are hoping to accomplish. Then, even more importantly, answer the question of what will happen if finding him does not accomplish what you want it to.
FWIW, my father died when I was very young and I can perhaps appreciate some of what you feel. In time, I've come to feel that he is very much a part of me and, in a way that's difficult to explain, I am part of him. Of course there's a part of me that still "aches" and wonders about him, and yet I have enough. In a way, I found him in me.
Your Dad is "in you" as well. That doesn't mean you shouldn't go looking for him or looking for more. But it's a good place to start.
If you think I can help you sort this out, I'd be happy to hear from you.
Wally
Yeah I agreee with demon. I would ask your mother more about him first, and why she never wanted you to meet him. Maybe he wasn't a good guy? And there is a possibility that your mom hasnt been completely honest with you about your father. She could have made something up to protect you from the truth. I'm not trying to be negative, but this does happen. My grandparents didnt tell me about my mother until I was a teenager and outright asked. Some of it was good news, some bad.
I would sit down with you rmother and talk. Start off with just asking more about him. Dont tell her you want to find him until you know for sure that you want to.
Hope this helps.
[QUOTE=Quote (Irishvixen @ June 18 2004,12:11)]I want to find him because all my life the one thing i wanted was to meet him and know that if he did know about me would he have wanted me to be his daughter.[/QUOTE]
are you positively sure about this?
i mean maybe you don't know him for a reason. maybe, he didn't want to be around, or your mom felt you were better off not knowing him.
im not trying to bring you down, but i would hate to see you be disappointed and hurt your mom in the process.
you have to weigh out all the pros and cons, do you risk maybe pissing your mom off so much that you lose her to find a guy that may or maynot want to meet you?
its definetly a dilemma i would think long and hard about.
Thanks Oberon
MY mom would be very upset i believe because it was a very upsetting thing just for her to tell me the truth about my father. And i dont know what to do! I am so confused but i want to find him i just dont know how to ask her for the help i need to find him.
Well, the most direct route would be your mother. But you didn't say how she might feel about this. Do you think this is going to upset her? If so, why? You don't have to answer here, but think about it. If it seems like she might be open to the idea, then ask her.
As for finding him on your own. Well, there is Yahoo people search. You could try that. The more you know about him could narrow down your search options. And there are also people finding services. I don't know what they cost, but you might look into those.
Here's the Google search for "Finding lost relatives"
I don't know if any of this helps, but good luck.