Oh Most Wise and Delicious Ones!!!(while doing the "I'm not worthy" bow)
I am a new member to the forum and have been reading your posts. I am VERY impressed with your knowledge -especailly Evil Evil Kitty (yes I intend to get her book also)
This post will be a tad long my apologies in advance I will will chop it into 2 parts and send the 2nd one as reply.
I am a relatively experienced 49 soon to be 50 year old. I am married 9+ years and have finally convinced my wife to participate in doing light bondage for my upcoming 50th birthday this next Saturday. She will be the submissive. We have had an issue in our sex life where my drive, imagination,and interests in trying different things is far more than my wife. It is a reversal of the standard problem I'm the one wanting extended foreplay and different positions she just wants over and done in 5 minutes.
We're FINALLY getting past that. I really laid it on the line and said things MUST improve and I will give her credit she has made a a serious effort. BTW I think the underlying issue is one of self body image. She lost 65 lbs and has recently accepted that she is beautiful and maybe that has improved her libido of late. anyway she is now getting into lingerie different positions and now experimenting with bondage as a way of "letting go"
One other FYI she is a psychotherapist with 50 or so patients and gets very stressed and it is hard for her to totally relax. I give her a ton of body rubs butt included and that helps. We make love like once every two weeks maybe once a week. i was trying to get it up to 3 times a week but she pulled back from that. Earlier in our marriage and when I know her as friend while she was dating other guys before we got involved together she wad shall we say VERY frisky.
She started her own practice and think that has taken a toll on her. One other note. Prior to our getting romantically involved she was raped. She has never brought this up as an issue with us but i wonder if it could be a psychological block.
So where does the bondage come in ? I'm hoping she'll get in touch with her true inner hot slut self that she was earlier. she loves sex just now she just wants in by the coffee cup whereas i want it by the beer pitcher. That means she comes once and it's night night.. I want sessions much like you describe at least 2-3l lovemaking encounters in one night of increasing length and ferocity with as many orgasms for both of us as possible. Only ending when total exhaustion and soreness takes over.:D I'm hoping to have her so intensely aroused that the dormant volcano will erupt resulting in her being totally greedy for more pleasure both oral and vaginal. BTW NO ANAL she does not like that !!!
Questions:
1)I have read both your rules for light bondage and agree wholeheartedly. I also read the Evil womans guide you linked to. Problem-You cited a 45 minute time limit. I'm not sure I can do all of that in 45 minutes and have enough time to for the kind of really great penetration like you talk about BTW sidebar- you have to tell me how high an angle to elevate her ass in order to get her to get to/under the cervix/posterior fornix!! I always thought that was far too deep to reach . I mean I'm decently built around 7+ inches but I thought one would have to be of cucumber proportions to plumb to bottom of the shaft so to speak. Again I'll have to read the book and QUICK!! two quick questions not having to do with bondage. 1) she has vertical vaginal septum much like the nose has a divider for the nostrils very rare condition. most of the time it gets shoved out of the way it does make for a snug pussy :D. would this prevent the kind of slow Gspot stimulation and deep penetration you talk about?
2) iN "THE PROGRAM" for full on rampant intercourse (which looks fantastic BTW. you use the term body worship. Now I got an idea of that meaning much caressing/kissing all over the body while avoiding the genitals at first with nipple tickling and sucking. Is that correct or did I miss something?
Basically this is the plan of attack: I am intending to feed her sliced fruit/chocolate covered strawberries . While talking about a goddess she is while her body roils with tension.
scented candles will be all round but not too close,no music too much want her ears freed up for other things. do the kissing pattern as proscribed from the evil womans guide maybe an ice cube while warming balm is applied to the nipples essentially sensual massage and touch building steadily and gradually. touch,tease,touch tease,(including the legs and the feet) and make her want more and ask her what she wants(she normally doesn't do I normally have to guess) many kisses while blowing,(the carpet of a 1000 rose petals)finger plunge to the pussy when I she she has begun to grind her butt and raising her pubic area as if to offer it to me.
Gradually increase the finger tempo while continuing the kissing with violent mouth kisses and neck-ear-lip nibbles. then get another finger in swirl get the dilation bigger with a flood of vaginal juice. take My free left hand (yes i am ambidexterous)and paint her thighs and pubic area with the chocolate for the kama sutra Lovers paint box kit I just got Will probaly do the nipples earlier Then bend over her to enjoy my dessert of hot chocolate and jam! Afer blowing her mind with more oral than she has gottten in a two months (again I keep wanting to do this and she keeps turning me down "No I'm not ready, it's stinky "etc )
I I'll paint my cock with some milk chocloate (they got 3 flavors!!) and let her suck on me (uhmm is there a problem with fellatio during bondage is it more difficult for the sub and can that cause problems breathing?) untill I feel that great inner deep hard on thenl et her have the same ahem 'stimulation' that you described in one of your erlier posts-half way in grind on the top of the vagina/G-spot slow steady tempo forcing her to ride throught the orgasmic waves until her kegel mucles kick in pull me in deepr for the final supernova..AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!! :D Then more oral and we do it again!! ;) Seriously is this too ambitious for a 1st time bondage session? this is how I always fantisized it would be bring to reality here do I need to trim this or will it work in the time allowed please read below about that matter.
My wife is 180 lbs in Great physical shape with an athletic strong body 38DD-34-40. would her physique and size allow a longer time period like say an hour maybe an hour and 15 minutes? we are using nylon restraints of high quality with Velcro cuffs from sportsheets their under the bed restraint system. so the angles can be carefully planned and the tension precisely adjusted while she is fairly comfortable with velvet lined Velcro as opposed to ropes etc. Should a couple do more than one bondage session in one evening? like do all the 'appetizers in the 1st round as per my description. then a break for bathroom massage,some make out/recharge foreplay then go back to the restraints for the "2nd movement" and finale?? Or must it be all done in the same bout-which I would prefer? If this is true please give me a rough 3-4 item agenda that can be reasonably accomplished in 45 minute to an hour+ at the most.
After all I thought part of the attraction was for submissive to stay bound during the muscle tension to build to a tsunami like wave that when orgasm is reached it would hit with the impact of a freight train!! i am really looking forward to what this might do for us as a couple and at the same time ralize that this will the 1st of what I hope to be many sesions.O If I need to simplfy some Please tell me. I just want this to be such an great experience for her that she will have a kid after her 1st roller coaster ride like thrill and want to do it again ASAP!!
2) body positon I was thinking of the following: full spread eagle with a wide cushion about 4-6 "s thick under the butt with a towel on it for the eventual flood. This will allow deeper penatration and a more prominet gential display as she get aroused.Now to offset having the shest and throut downward and poetentially making breathing difficult. I would pull the arms at a 11 and 1 O'clock angle respectivley, then place a bank pillows in a rising upward curve allowing her shoulders and head to be raised with her head up so she can breath properly. The tru benefit when the blindfold is removed at right before a the oral stage (mistake?leave it on till we are in full mating?) she can see what merriment has taken place on her body and have a full view of my plumping her treasures. als I'm hoping that partiallty propering her up will make kissing and oral easier. Do you agree? Or should I lay her out totally flat?
3 ) somewhat dumb question...I'll make sure we go to the bathroom prior and drain out as much as possible but just what if I have to REALLY have to go suddenyl while in the middle of this? The rules say
DO NOT LEAVE THE SUB ALONE!!! I agree Oh this will be at a hotel room with the bath room 30-40 feet away. Should I unbind her right hand so she can free herself if need be? Have a emergency mug in the room relieve myself and dump it later? This would REALLY gross her out.
4) this will be after my birthday dinner with a large group of my family and friends. we will pretty full. Should we wait a while to digest before undertaking this adventure. perhaps an hour or so. Dinner starts at 7 we'll be done around 10-11 and will have probably been done eating for almost an hour prior to leaving the restaurant
Again sorry for the length of this sucker just hads a lot on my mind and this IS the place to get the right answers. THANK YOU!! :D
As i was saying...
5) afterwards what do you recommend?I was thinking of adopting your cycle and we do more mutual oral and some intense fucking around the room utilizing the furniture. Does/should bondage alter the cycle? Should the next "event" be me getting tied up? I always wanted her to d othe "signing her name French bordello routine' ie bondage combined with slow hand masturbation to bring the man nearly to orgasm 3 maybe 4 times while teasing him with genital perfume through a g-string close to his mouth with slow kisses down the chest (YES!!) Then realeasing him while runing to the a prapred spot on the floor with a blanket or a couch to recieve a ferocious from the rear fucking!! Isthat too much the 1st time?? I don't know i think she'll want to give back some of what she got if this works like i plan!! :)
By the time we're doneit will be about 3 am and we'll rest until i get another errection ad we'll start again in the morning. we don't have top check out till 2 pm :D
5A) before anymore sexual activity after a 1st ttime bondage session would you recommend? I was wondering if we should have a warm shower together and then towl off and give each other a massage especially the joints
6) Last Question...Clothes I mean lingerie. I am a HUGE lingerie freak. i got her a fantastic black sequin bustier
http://benights.com/Merchant2/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=BN&Pro...
with Ivory shimmer stockings and a Lola Luna G-String!! This all a suprise. this can all be loosened as we go I di think that having the tension over her adomen would intensify the orgasm. as long as this outfit in no ways interfers with her breathing can she still wear it? she is really starting to get into lingerrie and it seems to help her with getting aroused. Does a lot for me too!
Ok that's It I realize that you are all VERY busy (I hope in the ways you describe on the site) on the weekends but if you can review this and answer it by or before Wednesday, I would be VERY VERY grateful. I look forward to your (I'm sure to be) detailed and authoratative reveiw of my plans and your ideas. Oh one last thing Evei Evil Kitty I always have this image in my mind when you mention "the second man" it sounds like you keep a supply of them in the house ready at any moment you should require ahem additional attention!!! I wonder if you have them stored in some cavernous basement hung by their bound wrists from hook on those conveyors drycleaners use to get shirts down when you come to pick them up. Is there a shortage of young cirile young men in your area? ;) Maybe not for you! I thank you for your time. you may indeed be the real life Oh Wicked Wanda!!!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wicked_Wanda.
In Boston they would call you Wicked Pussy (read wicked as fantastic and intense!!) Have a great Thanksgiving.
You Most Humble and Ob't
Servant
loverofcurves
Oh Unworthy One,
Yes, the rape has had its effect. It has become part and parcel with the body image issue. Body worship, yes you have understood it correctly, will go a LONG way to helping her get over that body image thing esp if you murmur how absolutely amazingly gorgeous you find her while you're doing it.
The soft bondage does have a way of permitting the sub to mentally "let him/herself off the hook" for what happens. Devoid of responsibility, the sub can give him/herself over to pleasure without any guilt - assuming there is any.
1. The 45 minutes is of active sex and is used for sexual management during prolonged sexual interludes. Men having more limited capabilities than women and requiring a refractory/recovery period in between penetrations. If you, the man, are going to last the full 4 hours, you're going to have to pace yourself. So, 45 minutes of active sex ending in penetration and ejaculation with orgasms for everyone is followed by 15 minutes of resting, drinnking non-alcoholic fluids, and whatever else you need to do to make yourself comfortable and ready for the next 45 minutes.
ALSO - please note for those contemplating bondage - restraining a person, willing or not, longer than 45 minutes is psychologically perilous and felony kidnapping (even if not moved anywhere) so that's the second reason for the 45 minute time limit.
ALSO - the 45 minutes, I have found, helps prevent vaginal soreness (and sexual boredom) - for me at least. No man really wants to hear "Will you cum already?!?! "
No her spetum, has she considered surgery?, should not interfere. If she's had one orgasm already, she should be 'primed' and her posterior fornix, which is not as unavailable as you think, will be sensitive and waiting for for you. Experiment a bit - watch her reaction to know if you've 'gotten' there.
Elevation may not be necessary, some experimentation will be required here as each woman varies. Begin with what is known as a boudoir pillow found at almost any department store.
2. BEWARE DOING TOO MUCH! Do NOT pull out all the stops at once!!! Always save something for next time. FOCUS is what you want. You want comfortable restraints - padded preferred. You want the room warm enough. The light halfway dimmed. She should be only aware of you and herself. No distractions. No loud voices. No grating or demanding behavior. The entire episode should be an invitation to walk on the wild side, in the dark, with you. And if going for a 4 hour interlude - PACE YOURSELF when it comes to ideas/techniques as well. Do nto run through your entire repitore in the first 15 minutes!
No deep throating when she's on her back like that as described in your plan. BTW if you are moving - it is facefucking, if she's doing the moving its fellatio. Who is in control defines the term to be used.
Remember Kobe Bryant? That's the difference between the two.
3. Never leave her alone when restrained and always leave her a way to get herself out even when you're with her. It is a consent and mental health thing esp with the rape in her past. It is her safety that is under her control and not by your good graces. (Some men are not dominants but merely assholes in black vests who will not release you immediately upon hearing the safe word but tease further "making sure". Do not EVER do that. ) Leaving her capable of freeing herself however does not remove the necessity of you staying with her. I recommend leaving one wrist strap loosely bound around her wrist so she can slide her hand out at any time. Stop everything immediately you notice her hand is free.
4. Try a stroll after dinner if possible. If not, then drive slowly, stopping along the way for a kiss or two. Lingering over the prelude and turning the journey into foreplay. An hour for digestion is just about right.
5. You're not 20-something anymore so stop with the jazzy "using the furniture" stuff. Jeez! Trust the Feline of Darkness - once you've enjoyed The Program, using the furniture. lingerie. toys and so on will become "unnecessary" - I haven't found ANYTHING to be more intense than the completely open, completely unleashed sexuality of two participating persons. This is why you do not run through all of your techniques/ideas in the first bout.
TALK about it. How did she feel? What does she think? Would she like to try being 'in charge'? Not an interrogation just a chat while cuddling or rehydrating. Tell her if you thought this or that wasn't working for you or for her.
Do not make the entire night all bondage, soft or otherwise, - this is a special thing - not your daily bread.
6. Sorry guy, but the only thing you really need is her and you, and maybe some lubricant.
As to myself, I prefer dominant men 40 to 60 years of age who have some experience with women and no experience with bondage, who are at least 6 ft tall, too heavy for me to literally pick up (tummies are okay but not too much), and who have fur on their bodies for me to snuggle into.
No, I fold them up and have them neatly arranged on my library shelves, alphabetically, by their last names. A minion does this for me and also irons them once a week to keep them fresh. *evil grin*
Greetings O Worthies!
Many thanks to EEK ie Wondrous Feline of Darkness for her well thought out critique of my angst ridden tome. I will respond to her points in the same fashion she did mine with additional questions to insure that her ideas and instructions were clearly and correctly understood. There is unfinished business at hand. We have not fully crossed the bridge! By that i mean up to this point we have spoken of the parts but not to the chief purpose of my of my letter, A practical plan of action/proscription upon which I may use as my course to convey my soul mate to the more deeper crimson fires of total sexual release and freedom (yes I know there are some of you doing this-:rolleyes:) Bear with me EEK I cut from the same cloth to a degree. Show me a dominatrix or expert courtesan and I'll show you a frustrated Shakespearean actress!
1. The 45 minutes is of active sex and is used for sexual management during prolonged sexual interludes. Men having more limited capabilities than women and requiring a refractory/recovery period in between penetrations. If you, the man, are going to last the full 4 hours, you're going to have to pace yourself. So, 45 minutes of active sex ending in penetration and ejaculation with orgasms for everyone is followed by 15 minutes of resting, drinking non-alcoholic fluids, and whatever else you need to do to make yourself comfortable and ready for the next 45 minutes.
OK full 4 hours what 4 hours? This is happy news!! Where is that amount of time derived from please. Is this the standard time of THE PROGRAM (tm)or did you obtain that from my letter? You speak of the next 45 minutes do you then mean we are to do another round of bondage after an appropriate respite?
ALSO - please note for those contemplating bondage - restraining a person, willing or not, longer than 45 minutes is psychologically perilous and felony kidnapping (even if not moved anywhere) so that's the second reason for the 45 minute time limit. Total Agreement
ALSO - the 45 minutes, I have found, helps prevent vaginal soreness (and sexual boredom) - for me at least. No man really wants to hear "Will you cum already?!?! " Been there got the T-Shirt don't want another
No her septum, has she considered surgery?, should not interfere. If she's had one orgasm already, she should be 'primed' and her posterior fornix, which is not as unavailable as you think, will be sensitive and waiting for for you. Experiment a bit - watch her reaction to know if you've 'gotten' there.
I've asked emphatic NO was the reply.I look forward to you being correct and will keep eager watch. I must admit this is the 1st I have ever heard or have discussed these regions of the female anatomy. Maybe I have been in contact with them all along but now I will be much more aware of what I am doing. THANK YOU!! One thing you must be aware of is that most men including me are TERRIFIED of being the clumsy idiot that would inflict any pain or injury upon their partner and the stigma that would come with that. Hence A lot of us are perhaps timid in further exploring any other rooms of Venus's house of passion beyond the front parlor ;) This is further exacerbated by many women of their own anatomy!!
Elevation may not be necessary, some experimentation will be required here as each woman varies. Begin with what is known as a boudoir pillow found at almost any department store. True but she has shown me that really enjoys this and we have many adequate pillows about the house. So are you OK with the body position as per my letter or do you favor full supine flat body attitude? I thought it would help with breathing lessen anxiety and allow her at a later point to see thus giving her a feeling of more control. She is willing to do this but I detect anxiety and am trying my best to alleviate it thus why I thought of that particular posture
2)BEWARE DOING TOO MUCH! Do NOT pull out all the stops at once!!! Always save something for next time. Here's where I am confused the next round if my earlier interpretation is correct or the next time we do this all together which how it sounds here FOCUS is what you want. Believe me I will be like a laser!! You want comfortable restraints - padded preferred. CheckYou want the room warm enough. CheckThe light halfway dimmed.check She should be only aware of you and herself. Big time checkNo distractions.Naturally No loud voices.Never! No grating or demanding behavior. You don't know me of course but if you did this would never occur to you to say. I feel as if I am laying out a banquet for my wifes enjoyment thus her pleasure is my purpose.The entire episode should be an invitation to walk on the wild side, in the dark, with you.:D And if going for a 4 hour interlude - PACE YOURSELF when it comes to ideas/techniques as well. Do not run through your entire repertoire in the first 15 minutes! Agreed BUT We need to get into a little more detail what the repertoire will be so I can establish the appropriate tempo as per your statement Re the oral on me never mind I'll just do it on her and she can do it later after she is released from her restraints.
3) I think now from out PM discussions i am not an asshole in a black vest I don't even own one or want one! 100% agreement I don't WANT to leave her alone. I just meant what if I REALLY got to go unexpectedly to the loo!!! What should be the plan? I will leave the right wrist loosely bound as you said. I would of course announce I must urgently urinate and will be back VERY soon also I would remove the blindfold kiss her passionately and beg her forgiveness. Is that sufficient? Or should I release both wrists and allow her to sit upright whilst I am gone? I think that would be best. I love my wife heart and soul this supposed to help her I don't give a rats tushy about any power crap.
4) Splendid idea! We're staying in Greenwich CT you can drive along the long Island sound and have a nice view. It will give us both time to clear our heads after the party and settle down.
5) All right All right (whack thud ouch!) Just I'm drooling at the animated sex positions at the front this site and THEY are doing it all over the house!! You better take you whip to the site editors for spreading incorrect ideas!! ;) Of course I will and have been talking to her about this I want to know in DETAIL what she wants and feels. I gotta suspicion I am going to be trussed up like a turkey before the night is out! No I did not want to do all bondage all the time I thought we'd make this one part of a long wonderful night of intense lovemaking maybe that is what you were alluding to about the next 45 minutes
6) Well I agree in principle BUT she asked with this "Please say no" look "Do I have to be naked?" I think that part of the psychological injury of the rape has left her with an aversion to being vulnerable. I get a VERY strong feeling that she'd like to be wearing something and she has lately come to like lingerie and found she can relax more in the bedroom when she wears these outfits. Humor me WFOD this is a transition stage I'm happy she's willing to do this in the 1st place. Besides the thought of her all laid out like some black satin and sequined sensuous bon-bon makes me ...(low growling noise is heard ala "Young Frankenstein) let's just say VERY stimulated!!
We'll talk more about your home life via PM
Many Thanks
Lover of Curves
Brewster, HUH? Best off to keep yourselves WARM! LOL!
Oh Hi!
Are you a New Yorker also? Yeah it's damn cold right now. we go into spooning plus (tm) with overdrive on nights like these!! :>D Whereabouts are you?
best regards,
loverofcurves
[quote=loverofcurves;229340]Oh Hi!
Are you a New Yorker also? Yeah it's damn cold right now. we go into spooning plus (tm) with overdrive on nights like these!! :>D Whereabouts are you?
best regards,
loverofcurves[/quote]
I'll Pm you the info! Yes, the ice is a killer! Keep warm!!! Used to pass your area going to work...WCMC years ago!
Hmmmm
You want details, do you?
Yes, a 4 hour interlude is expected, with only 1 of the 45minute bouts therein ala bondage - esp for beginners. The others are to be otherwise - your choice, but no further bondage. Naturally you will be guided by your lady in this. There are women for whom one 45 minute bout is sufficient. But there are other women who would prefer a more prolonged sexual experience. For these ladies, the first 45 minutes is merely a "warm-up" - nice and stisfying, but still - a "warm-up".
The blindfold can remain but the kiss, loose right wrist, and the quick explanation is an excellent plan. If she takes advantage to sit up or whatever, that's fine. If not, that's fine as well. Upon your return a sensible thing to do is to ask "Shall we continue?" and then be guided by her answer.
How To Proceed:
You remain clothed, if this is not desired - boxers, but you must not be naked.
With both of you sitting on the bed, have her remove her garments, one by one, and one by one have her put on the outfit you have selected for her - no bondage gear as yet. You may shimmer with desire but nothing overt, nothing she would consider aggressive. Subtlety.
Then one by one YOU put on a piece, just one, of the bondage gear that is not already attached to the bed. This is most easily done if using individual pieces as in seprate leather wrist cuffs and a leather collar, and a blindfold. You end with the blindfold. Once all the gear is on, you wrap her into your arms and slide her into position while murmuring how utterly overwhelming you find her. Attach the cuffs to the lines attached to the bed and position your pillow, if desired. You may then strip off and begin The Program (outlined elsewhere).
Any questions?
I understand that the unknown is frightening but just relax. Only the anterior fornix requires very delicate handling and the utmost in masculine control. The posterior fornix is much tougher. Find the cervix and then slide down and back then 'think' down while caressing with your glans. She may have to curl her hips somewhat upward but you can 'reach' even if 5 1/2 inches let alone 7. If you will think geometrically for a moment a C straightened out would be too long but when curled you can see how the distance would be shortened.
Further experimentation. Her reaction should be explosive. Flushed skin, sweat, female ejaculation, and a 'grip' on you as you have not felt before - all involuntary responses. You will not be able to miss it. Many men find the ride so wild that they wish for seatbelts.
There. Feel better?
loverofcurves,
You have a very ambitious program planned out.
When are you planning to this, Sat. Nov 29? or or today Nov 22? If it's today this is too late. For next week you have time. Even if it's today I'll write anyway:)
First it's great that you have fantasies and creative ideas. It's even greater that your wife is willing to go along with them.
You might want to set your goals a little lower for your first bondage experiment. Bondage, like any other sort of sex, can last 10 minutes or it can go on for hours when the participants are more experienced and very into what they are doing. You have a lot of activities planned. Do not make a goal of doing everything on your list.
Your main goal is to create an experience which will be both new and enjoyable for both of you. I don't know where you get this idea about 45 minutes that you mention. You should not use clocks during sex unless you are conducting a study or have a flight to catch.
It is not necessary that she be bound for the entirety of the session, but she could be. I have no experience at all with velcro restraints; clothing, chains,shackles,belts, neckties, ribbon, leather straps, rope:D...I know about.
From your plans it sounds as though there is a part of your velcro restraints that can be attached to the posts or legs of the bed. Make sure that you attach them to something that is sturdy and cannot be pulled apart or out of the wall.This is going to be at a hotel so not only is safety an issue, but so is a bill for damages. Last bondage convention I attended attendees received a letter explicitly forbidding us from using furniture or fixtures in the room for private play. I repeat- do not connect the restraints to anything that will not resist your own weight or the force of your limbs.
For your first adventure it is not always necessary that the restraints be especially tight on your bunny's extremities. - Bondage girls often prefer to be called bondage/rope bunnies, bondage/rope sluts, or bottoms as opposed to submissives. Domination and submission is a completely different game which can be combined with bondage.- Anyway the point is she should be able to enjoy being bound. She should be comfortable. Don't make the restraints any tighter than she feels comfy with. Even extreme bondage tops like to be able to get a finger under the bindings on extremities as a safety measure.
There is always a maximum period that a person can remain in one position before it becomes uncomfortable and then painful. This is a different sort of bondage, but you want the mild stuff now. It is a good idea to check on her comfort every 5-10 minutes. It might be necessary, not to mention fun, to change her position every now and then.
Even if she is not complaining periodically check the temp and color of her palms and soles while she is bound. If they get cold or turn blue or purple (depending on race) it is time to unbind her.
If you are planning on lots and lots and lots of bound sex you will probably want to experiment with positions.
Spreadeagle is a basic position, but it can still become uncomfy if she cannot move arms and legs. Bind her wrists to ankles and take her on her back with legs spread or if she is flexible wrists to ankles and legs straight up. Or in the same bind put her face down, legs spread-it's basically doggy, but her face is pressed to the bed (pillow if you are nice) and you are much more in control(if that's your thing) than doggy with hands and feet free. You can bend her over a chair and bind wrists to the arms or legs of the chair-her legs to the chairlegs is optional and her flexibility is the decider there. Now TAKE HER FROM BEHIND AGAIN! If you spend only 10 minutes having sex with her bound and she likes it and will do it a gain then you have scored a major success!
Different people have different experiences while bound. Your bondage bunny may experience sexual arousal (always my fave), helplessness leading to resignation, a peaceful relaxed state, love(the bonds seem to simulate hugs I guess), or a combination of these or other emotions. If you are going to be the Top or Dom or guy running the show here you need to try and be mindful of your bunny's general state, physical and mental, and know how to use it to both's advantage. You probably won't be good at it the first time, but if you practice it gets easier. Again this is "light" as you say, not inverted rope suspension.
Making love while using bondage also means using your binding material in the seduction. Some people like blindfolds some don't. It is sometimes more exciting for the bunny if she can see the bonds. If she's blindfolded, at some point let her have a glimpse or two. Also let her feel the bonds on her skin before you bind her. Rub or drag them over her --- up the leg, down the arm, between and over the breasts, around her buttocks-you get the idea. Caress her with the bonds.
As you release her from the bonds you can do this in reverse, sort of a cool down. Also once you unbind her give her lots of soft gentle touching, sweet words, tell her how much she means to you. Hugs and kisses are good too.
Again I remind you. A bondage session is not about a checklist of things to do. It is about a journey that is sensual, sexual, romantic and even spiritual.
If you think you might want to work with rope you can get the polypropylene stuff at your local evil globally ambitious super center. I suggest 6 mm for starters. If you cut it put some surgical tape about two inches wide around it starting from the center of where the cut will be. Cut in the middle of the taped section-keeps the stuff from unraveling.
Check out this site for some instruction in basic safe ties. See the one column and two column ties. All you need to know really is a square knot.
http://www.twistedmonk.com/video.htm
Also if you are really interested in bondage listen to some of Graydancer's weekly Ropecasts. He and guests talk about rope bondage, all sorts of other BDSM activities and sex.
http://www.ropecast.net/index.php?post_id=402509
I hope you have great time:)
PS the lingerie you picked looks fine to me. Does SHE like that sort. The sexier you make her feel, the more YOU are going to get out of this
I haven't read through you whole post yet EEK /WFOD is ahead of you but just wanted to let you know it's next week not tonight.
Best Regards,
Lover of Curves
Oh WFOD!!!
If lovers had an army you'd be a 4 star general and I'd be at attention (you can take that ANY way you want :D) saluting you!!! I can only imagine what the division reviews would be like. "You heard me Colonel! I want the 82nd Airborne to drop trou NOW!! I want to CLOSELY inspect our firepower!
Thank you for the terrific letter. Yes it was of great help and did ease my mind a LOT!! I did have the boxers idea and was going to wear my regular Boston Red Sox T shirt that I wear around the house so to keep things friendly and familiar. (oh BTW besides the worlds oldest sport that we are discussing do you like sports like baseball,football,etc? Joyce LOVES the New england Patriots and really knows football. I'm a football idiot compared to her. My game is baseball. I loved the movie Bull Durham!!) I love how gentle and careful you would have me be. I am like that. I just wasn't sure what to do 1st. You have alleviated a lot of my anxieties. I will do EXACTLY as you say! The best part is when I hold her and gently lay her down telling her my heart is afire with her blinding beauty and that I am overwhelmed with joy I will mean every-word of it!!! It's wonderful to say "sweet somethings" as opposed to nothings!! Oh question or more like an insight. I'm gathering that this is a play it as goes thing follow the program but be ready to change on a dime and it may be that this all will be one big foreplay session and the heavier duty stuff after she out of the restraints. correct Which is fine if that is how it turns out. I am ready to just go with the flow and not rush or force anything i think form you all of your great advice that is the best attitude to go in with. What we don't do then we'll do later just make sure she has a ball and all will be well. ;) The more I hear from you and the more I think on it this maybe should be one elaborate warm-up session which is fine. In this case she will be warmed up enough to melt glaciers!!!:D I just going to be happy that I'm there with her doing this!! It will be great moment to be alive and a great way to celebrate the beginning of my Life's Second Act! :D
OK now to the shall we say industrial strength portion of the evening's programs per the 2nd half of your epistle. "the Gospel according to OWFD -Yeah Verily I say unto you that ye shalt gather thy lube and rocketh her world!!"
OK I just want to get this through my thick male skull. All of this curling of legs and raising and so on takes place AFTER we play the bondage game Right? Because it can't happen if her legs are strapped down by nylon Velcro cuffs in a spread eagle position. the problem I always have getting my mind around OK how do i know when I have neared the cervix and when to think "down" ? I don't want to bang it. I did that once in a lovemaking session when I was in my 20's I will never forget the whince of pain on her-this other girl not Joyce- face and how how I felt like a stupid selfish brute. I guess that traumatized me sonewhat. Will I feel a rise in temperature from inside her? Will there be a sensation of the inner folds opening as she is more stimulated? how about her breathing? I've never done this before (but now you have made really want it bad with that last description!!) I'd just like some warning signals so I can time that downward move like you describe. Ok we've got a lot of good things done today I feel a tone better than yesterday and I am very very happy I found this sight and all the great people here. I will defiantly be a member for a long long time to come!! OOPS terrible pun didn't mean it
I'll give a report after next week Promise!!
Lover of Curves
Dear DLB
I will give you a more detailed reply later. Please read what i just wrote to EEK I think i touch upon may of your key points. the 45 minutes came from EEK. I wholeheartedly agree that there should be now clock or obsessed agenda. I'm going to go with feels good for her. OK bondage bunny she shall be!! I think to do all the stuff I laid out I can see now it's going to be a few times to get the technique down and feel more at ease with it. It's going to take it's own path and tempo. We'll go with and have a great time. Wow love the take her from behind talk!! You sound like a Pirate (ARRRRGGHH!!) in a good way!! :) I'll go for it. I might need additional straps then. Here's what I'm using
http://www.adameve.com/ProductImages.aspx?pid=11112&clkimg=0
They are 4 straps with a longways connector belt that runs between the mattress and box spring. the cuffs attach separately so I can have additional straps with the loops so I can move her wrists and feet at different angles. Like the ankles back to the wrists thing then I do all of this gynecological spelunking that EEK is mad for me to do (oh believe me I can't wait!! :D)
Thank you VERY much about the tip about temperature and color of hands and feet. I'll make sure to look for that and yes ask frequently about how she feels. Any way It really is up to her and what kind of "fever" I can induce in her I am hoping for Vulcan like Pon Far Mating Derangement Syndrome ;)
Oh about the lingerie no she hasn't seen that outfit but yes she does like those kinds of busters and so on. After all she is a huge Mae west fan!! She has a red and black one very similar that she adores. I thought we'd go from Dodge City to a very high class Vienna bordello. :cool: It definitely helps relax her. I think internally she does a little roll playing. If she starts to talk like Madalyn Kahn from Blazing Saddles I'll go into Clevon Little mode. Great scene from the movie only recently restored MK- "Is it truwe how you people are built? Oh Mien Gott its Truw It's Truw!!!" CL-"Stop sucking on my elbow!!"
Talk to you soon
Lover of Curves
LOC
Well, don't bang into it, just gently find it and then slide downward. No, you'd better do this unbound. For the bound period, Clitoris, G-Spot and a bit of Anterior Fornix should be enough to stimulate the release of sexuality you seek. You may feel the heat inside of her but you will definitely feel it on your skin if its against hers. The blood rushing into her skin, the flush, will increase the temperature of her skin. Eyes dilating and her facial lips increasing in size and deepening in color are other involuntary responses to orgasm.
The reason I use dominant and submissive instead of other terms is because this method of "soft dominance" uses mild bondage only as a tool for beginners and not as an end in and of itself. Too often people think of only the "hard" stuff and forget the wide variability of humans when they begin to explore kink. The idea is to unleash a person's sexuality in all of its facets by inviting such release. You are dominant in the sense that you bear the responsibilty for all outcomes and control the action. They are submissive in that they bear no responsibility, having only to accept, and don't control the action other than their ability to stop everything at a word. Nothing forced. No testing of limits. No demands. After a while, there is no need for any restraints at all. A touch, a look, a smile sets them off and running. There is no fear of revelation left and they never feel resigned. Rather, they feel exultant, revel in their sexuality, and want to share it with you!
You will notice the differences between dlb and myself.
For example, I need not check for changes in color of palms and bottoms of feet. I do not need to ask about any discomfort, other than mental, because with me, any discomfort would be a distraction and I eliminate all distractions right at the start. This is the primary reason why I use padded leather cuffs and leather straps with snap catches and not ropes, etc. My men would not be able to pay attention and focus if they were not comfortable. I have also been known to take them shopping with me to ensure I get the correct size for them. One size does not fit all.
A safe word is not necessary as they can always release themselves should they desire to do so. Not releasing themselves indicates consent.
You wife's past history indicates that a "soft" approach would be best for her, in my opinion. Delicacy, sensitivity, and subtlety seem to be called for with her.
Yes, please - we love to get reports back.
(Oooops, nevermind - just saw your response to dlb.
WRIST TO ANKLE?!?! Try it on yourself first - for 2 hours straight and then come and tell me I'm wrong.
If you yourself cannot take it - don't dish it out.
Or did you think I was speaking from NO experience?)
Dear WFOD.
RE DLB never mind foolish of me, We have carefully with some great effort constructed a great plan and approach and I staying with it.Forget the wrist ankle stuff. WHAT WAS I THINKING!!!DLB sorry but it sounds a bit circusy no disrespect. if that's great for you fine. right now I'm flying in the WFOD F-16 sleek,fast and accurate. OK Right loose right wrist she let's herself go it's over she stays bound that means yes keep doing it. Until we reach our time limit. (Which I will strictly enforce and yes I will bring the kitchen timer)
No of course I did not think you are without experience. To the contrary. I am truly sorry. :o You know what?? I feel as excited about this as I did before I lost my virginity!! Oh that was arranged IE an older woman no not a hooker it was a relationship. We had a specific date to pop the cork, so I knew it was coming. Hmm a couple questions of in general about certain "acts" certainly not for this time.
We're in Keep It Simple Stupid Mode for now. I read somewhere about doing a spanking of the clitoris with ones hard member. Maybe after we're in the 3rd-4th session. what do yo think of that. I did have an old girl friend who loved it!! The woman has to be pretty revved up to begin with. I think, Any personal experience with that and did you enjoy it? Now as you said in the book ever woman should do female superior. Joyce will absoluterly NOT!!!!!!! One thing is that I have a belly not enormous it's getting samller but she is saying it's a bit of an obstacle. Further that she has tried it with other men before me ,did a lot of work and did not get off. I would love itif she did even better whilst bound. I also think the fools she was with before bungled it. If she was properly stimulated first then that POP in the head that said "OK game on " would go off. I think it would be different. Do you agree?
Oh one LAST thing about the bondage. Given that we are in kid gloves mode here vibrators? (I got the wee vibe and that does a fantastic g spot vibration)
I suspect not now. Let her feel ONLY MY hands MY lips,Mytongue MY nibbling teeth,MY cock etc so she feels total trust,total love,adoration and sexual worship. That she is recieving all of this love and attention from me doing all of this just for HER. This is what want the mosdt to happen this what wnat to gove to her through this act. It has to be as intimate and personalized as two people can make it. I'm REALLY getting this (and getting into) now. The machines just (in this special circumstance) create static. latter on fine I think not. Agreed? I think later in the later bouts unbound she will be receptive after we have roiled the waters here.
Arigato (zen bows)
Lover of curves
Dear loverofcurves,
Evilevilkitten's advice on how to make love to a woman is fine. I have been having sex for 32 years and doing consensual bondage for almost 28 years myself.
So go ahead and follow her advice on sex. Your restraints appear to have safety clips on them where they attach to the lines that go under the mattress. A person with normal flexibility who can tie his or her own shoes can have his/her wrists bound to ankles. From the photos it appears that you can easily clip the wrist restraint to the ankle restraint. Bound in this position on her back will permit deep penetration and that fornix stimulation that Evilevilkitten has been coaching you on. If she is flexible like a martial artist or dancer you can extend her arms and legs straight out and do it. The chair thing is no different from her leaning over a chair for rear entry only she is bound to the chair.
People have sex in these positions every day without bondage. There is nothing circusy about it.
Evilevilkitten, I never said anything about staying in the same position 2 hrs. I recommended changing positions periodically if it goes on over 10 minutes. This woman has never been bound and people get tired.
No matter what sort of restraints are used it is good practice as a dominant or whatever you wish to style yourself to periodically check the circulation of your bottom's extremities when in bondage 15 minutes or more. Bondage is one of the most potentially dangerous games in BDSM so we must always try to minimize the risks. Granted, this is very simple stuff, but one should always learn safety precautions from the beginning.
So loverofcurves I hope you will take my safety tips, though you probably won't need them at this stage. Don't ask about her comfort every 5 min. That's a mood killer. Just check extremities and make sure she's having a good time. This is bondage sex, not domination and submission. You can tell her before hand that it's ok to let you know when something is good or not. This a journey for the two of you to take together, more hand in hand than leader follower. Forget the clock.
I wish you the very best.
I'm chuckling over your statement that you have a belly. Um what man over age 40 doesn't? I can calmly state the all of my men do and that it doesn't interfere in the slightest regardless of what position we're in. I recommend my fitness program which is to not eat and have sex like crazy. It works for me.
The time limit is set at 45 minutes for three reasons:
1. The legalities, more than 45 minutes is a felony and I'd rather not thank you very much because someone may change their mind or get religion or whatever. Risk mitigation. Have fun but don't set yourself up. Too often 'dominant safety' is overlooked.
2. For prolonged sexual interludes, which in my world means a man being able to get it up, keep it up, and have the energy to use it effectively even with a bad back, a bad heart, partial ED or whatever for four or five hours straight - from practical experience (how many men have you been with?), 45 minutes is long enough to wait for his orgasm. Using my methods he gets to have one orgasm per hour rather than just the one in the entire 4 or 5 hours of play. You're going to complain about receiving more orgasms?
3. Boredom prevention both of mind and body. The same reason you change positions every 10 minutes which I don't do. You fully explore one thing at a time and then we all have orgasms and we take a break. Next round = next position or next 'thing' you want to explore. We're talking focus.
Further example: you have two options with each position: active or passive. It is one thing to be blindoflded and just have to lie there receiving. It is another thing altogether to blindfold a man and have him actively run through The Program while blindfolded. Esp so if you also bring in your friend and he has to do two women simultaneously while blindfolded. Hmmm sounds like fun.
Under the heading of boredom, the time limit also prevents over-elaborate tackling up. She's standing there having this knot tied and pretty macrame' being done over here and jeez! will you get on with it already? There comes a point where anticipation becomes *yawn*, yeah yeah whatever, I could have had a V8 and played a game of chess by now. Maybe I should get my nails done. Paint the ceiling beige? (Stop laughing! Come on, you know it happens.)
I have actually used a kitchen timer. It was hilarious! He'll never look at a kitchen timer in the same way ever again! (Also, he knows his time restrained is limited = increased mental security.)
Also you know how "it" gets to sensitive after an orgasm? So you move to the next hotspot and so on in rotation to stimulate more orgasms? The body gets tired. The nerves get tired. The energy runs out. The fun stops - physically. So rather than running about clipping and un clipping, put your leg over here, rotate this way, yadda, yadda, yadda - you just do the one until its done and then "bing!" (the kitchen timer) break time! Get a drink. Tidy up. Chat a bit. Have a snack. Giggle. Lap dance a bit. Kiss and then back we go! NEXT!
Shall I tell you a story?
It keeps the sex light, fun, and playful - nothing too heavy and nothing like a test of endurance which, admit it, 4 to 5 hours at first seems.
Save the clitoris tapping, vibes, etc. for another time. K.I.S.S., it now and save something for later. Pace yourselves. Give yourselves time to wrap your minds around the various concepts. RELAX.