:confused: I understand and agree that phone sex can be an exceptionally gratifying experience for both partners. Have a question though..... I met a man online over two years ago - yes I said two years! We started out chatting through the website, then instant messaging, then moved on to phone calls. At first it was simply talk- my life his life etc. We gradually moved into the rhealm of meeting ( he lives in another state ) but he always backed off. Never really knew why but since then we have gravitated to phone sex , which I confess I truly love. He is so very good at it, nah GREAT would be more accurate.
Question is? Why would a man continue this interest? I have heard every theory from " he probably can't do it for real" to " he is afraid to meet you but this serves as some sexual connection." But for two years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???? that seems like an awfully long time to continue this when he could be meeting other women and getting real sex. I would also like an opinion as to whether or not you ( a man ) could develop intimate feelings for your phone sex partner. Especially if he has been persuing me
( He almost always initiates contact ) and can call for days, several times a day, then not for weeks. It's not always about sex. But would a man actaully do this if there were no feelings at all for me? Why would he just move on? I also confess to have developed a bond with this man. Could he have also? or is it just a convenience to him?
Any thoughts or opinions would be appreciated.
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[QUOTE=maturecuriosity;251670][COLOR="blue">I understand and agree that phone sex can be an exceptionally gratifying experience for both partners. Have a question though..... [/COLOR]
Yup! It sure is, especially if one or the other person is away at school, away on business, in the service, etc., for a prolonged period of time.
[COLOR="Blue">I met a man online over two years ago - yes I said two years! We started out chatting through the website, then instant messaging, then moved on to phone calls. At first it was simply talk- my life his life etc. We gradually moved into the rhealm of meeting ( he lives in another state ) but he always backed off. Never really knew why but since then we have gravitated to phone sex , which I confess I truly love. He is so very good at it, nah GREAT would be more accurate.[/COLOR]
[COLOR="blue">Question is? Why would a man continue this interest? [/COLOR]
Because after two years you have yet to pull the plug on the telephone, or, computer.
Because these discussions continue to feed his fantasies.
[COLOR="blue">I have heard every theory from " he probably can't do it for real" to " he is afraid to meet you but this serves as some sexual connection." But for two years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???? that seems like an awfully long time to continue this when he could be meeting other women and getting real sex.[/COLOR]
Did you read this before posting? What advice would you offer if reading this?
My question is what are you getting out of continuing this interaction? This seems like an awfully long time to continue this when YOU could be meeting other men and getting real sex. We know what the pay off is for him.
Have you considered the fact that this person is--
* old and wrinkled
* married with family
* satisfying his ego
* a young hormone driven teen
* a psychopath
* afraid of intimacy
* nut case and potentially very dangerous in real life
* enjoying great entertainment by playing with your
emotions and stringing you along
* a very nice person, yet terribly shy and insecure
* lying about everything that he has told and will tell you
* dishonest, because if he was truly serious about having
the possibility of a relationship with you, he'd have moved
heaven and earth twenty-two (22) months or so ago in order
to meet you? That he has yet to do this indicates what?
[COLOR="blue">I would also like an opinion as to thwether or not you ( a man ) could develop intimate feelings for your phone sex partner. Especially if he has been persuing me[/COLOR]
Not without meeting you face to face and spending a day with you and observing your smile, twinkle (or the lack of), manners, mannerisms, how well you talk and about what, your laugh, etc. I'd also like to take you to dinner and see how you get thru the evening and how good your etiquette is.
As for the development of real feelings--not so much without regular ongoing hand-in-hand interactions. Anything else is artificial and assumed unless grounded in real experiences.
[COLOR="blue">(He almst always initiates contact ) and can call for days, several times a day, then not for weeks. [/COLOR]
This seems like both controlling and dismissive behaviors to me. No one needs to telephone several times a day. Not calling for weeks demonstrates that "he's just not that into you" as the saying goes. (Maybe during these times he is spending time with his family or fighting in Afghanistan an unable to always be by the phone. Other?
[COLOR="blue">
It's not always about sex. But would a man actaully do this if there were no feelings at all for me? [/COLOR]
Asked and answered, above.
[COLOR="blue">Why would he just move on? I also confess to have developed a bond with this man. Could he have also? or is it just a convenience to him?[/COLOR]
Only he can answer these questions, yet why ask when he probably will tell you what he thinks you want to hear. The real truth? What's real about these dialogs?
[COLOR="blue">Any thoughts or opinions would be appreciated.[/COLOR][/QUOTE]
If you cannot give a satisfactory answer to what you are getting or hope to get, and, why you have not moved on with someone you can reach out, touch and kiss in the real world, that satisfies you as an(other) observer to this discussion, then, my thought on the matter is that you are participating in an online version of a Harlequin romance novel.
I hope this is of help. Got questions?
-doc
i don't see an answer- I am confused as to how to find it. Sorry for the double post - I just hought perhaps a different audience might respond - so far nothing. I would love to know what men thinak about this..... thank you
Hello. Doc mis-posted his "answer" to this thread instead of the duplicate. I moved it. The notice was that it is unnecessary to make duplicate posts. That's all.
Mod 3
Have you tried pressing him a bit to meet you in person?
As far as you know he might have a GF or even a wife.
He might be using this to get an additional sexual thrill.
If he won't meet with you then you can either break it up or accept it for what it is.
[QUOTE=dancingdoc2;251683]Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you enjoy participating. Please begin by familiarizing yourself with the FAQs, the Posting Guidelines section, and especially the Index, all found at the top of the main screen. The Index contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles that discuss the most common questions and concerns people ask about. If you click on the site's Home page, you will find even more information.
If you cannot give a satisfactory answer to what you are getting or hope to get, and, why you have not moved on with someone you can reach out, touch and kiss in the real world, that satisfies you as an(other) observer to this discussion, then, my thought on the matter is that you are participating in an online version of a Harlequin romance novel.
I hope this is of help. Got questions?
-doc[/QUOTE]
yes, and thank you for your kind response. Still confused though. He is not married, not old and not a hormanally raging teen. I had this checked out by a professional before even thinking about getting envolved. SO going on the ssumptions he is not any of those things, I still want to know why it would go on for two years. WOuldn't you just move on the the next person? He must feel something. And yes, I am in a relationship with a great man, but can't bring myself to say goodbye to this other. I am just one of those folks that desires to know " WHY?" Why would a man continue a two year phone relationship? I am just trying to get perspective as to whether or not he could have devolped a special bond with me as I have with him. Afterall, he would have given up if he felt nothing....right? :confused:
Why do I do it? It excites me......but I do confess I think about him a lot- I beleive women are attached emtionally to those they interact with. I have no expectations of meeting him - obviously he would move mountains to do so, if he intended that. I just can't help but wonder why he would call me for so long and not find someone else closer to home to relate to. Is it possible he can't let me go either? It sure seems that way...... and again, thank you for your insight. I will proabably never really know why he is doing this... just curious for an outsiders opinion. :)
[QUOTE=Grim;251685]Have you tried pressing him a bit to meet you in person?
As far as you know he might have a GF or even a wife. ( see response below)
He might be using this to get an additional sexual thrill.
If he won't meet with you then you can either break it up or accept it for what it is.[/QUOTE] well, I guess that is what I was asking..what is it? to him I mean ... a meaningless communication after two years? I doubt it, but anything is possible. As a man, would communicating with a woman for two years be meaningless? I obviously serve as his fantasy woman - but a two year fantasy? I get great orgasms from the behavior, so does he. But I developed feelings because of the intimacy- can men also or can they simply have the fantasy and nothing more? I don't want o generalize, just get a possible clue....
I am not as concerned about the non - meeting part- Obviously he is not that interested or has a reason ( no wife - had that professionally checked out ) and if he had a girlfriend wouldn't he be getting satisfaction form her? As far as the thrills, yeah, we both get that, but why would a man do this for two years?! Doesn't the thrill eventually fade? I am just trying to get to the why's and the possibility that he might have a bond with me, for whatever reason. IS this possible? I am an analyst by nature- go figure! :)
> yes, and thank you for your kind response. Still confused though. He is not married, not old and not a hormanally raging teen. I had this checked out by a professional before even thinking about getting envolved.
Did your investigator provide a photograph of the person? His house/condo/apartment?
> SO going on the ssumptions he is not any of those things, I still want to know why it would go on for two years.
Did you ever hear the saying: "to 'assume' is to make an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me'"? Making assumptions here could place you in harms way.
> WOuldn't you just move on the the next person?
WOULDN'T YOU?
> He must feel something. And yes, I am in a relationship with a great man, but can't bring myself to say goodbye to this other.
Is this a hint to why you haven't said goodbye to this cyber guy?
> I am just one of those folks that desires to know " WHY?" Why would a man continue a two year phone relationship? I am just trying to get perspective as to whether or not he could have devolped a special bond with me as I have with him.
Knowing why is not at all unusual or out of the ordinary. A "bond"? Maybe for his fantasy. You have developed a bond with what is essentially a character in a romance novel, nothing more. "Bonds" if any are not based in fact. After two years, neither of you have graduated to the real world.
> Afterall, he would have given up if he felt nothing....right?
Asked and answered.
> Why do I do it? It excites me......but I do confess I think about him a lot- I beleive women are attached emtionally to those they interact with. I have no expectations of meeting him - obviously he would move mountains to do so, if he intended that. I just can't help but wonder why he would call me for so long and not find someone else closer to home to relate to.
I am more interested in you and why you have not moved on to find someone more in tune with you than either of these two individuals. Why are you holding on to the past when the future holds the potential for so much more. (Please read the article or the other posts in which I discuss the reasons for dating, and, the reasons why non-exclusive relationships are better than exclusive ones-up until you have found Mr. Right and are ready to settle down.
I'm more concerned about you than him. Why aren't you?
> Is it possible he can't let me go either? It sure seems that way...... and again, thank you for your insight. I will proabably never really know why he is doing this... just curious for an outsiders opinion.
You're welcome. As for the reasons, I gave you my thoughts on this in the first reply.
-doc
[QUOTE=dancingdoc2;251688]> yes, and thank you for your kind response. Still confused though. He is not married, not old and not a hormanally raging teen. I had this checked out by a professional before even thinking about getting envolved.
Did your investigator provide a photograph of the person? His house/condo/apartment?
>>yes, his job, his phone number, his marital staus, his address. No photo- only available for folks with a criminal background - thank goodness, ther is nothing on record.
> SO going on the ssumptions he is not any of those things, I still want to know why it would go on for two years.
Did you ever hear the saying: "to 'assume' is to make an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me'"? Making assumptions here could place you in harms way.
> WOuldn't you just move on the the next person?
WOULDN'T YOU?
>> I know, I am a mature woman yet can't seem to get this guy out of my head. perhaps it is the mystery of not really knowing him...... I fantasize as well.
> He must feel something. And yes, I am in a relationship with a great man, but can't bring myself to say goodbye to this other.
Is this a hint to why you haven't said goodbye to this cyber guy?
>>Could be. But those phone calls and IM's come in, I get a butterfly in my stomach.
> I am just one of those folks that desires to know " WHY?" Why would a man continue a two year phone relationship? I am just trying to get perspective as to whether or not he could have devolped a special bond with me as I have with him.
Knowing why is not at all unusual or out of the ordinary. A "bond"? Maybe for his fantasy. You have developed a bond with what is essentially a character in a romance novel, nothing more. "Bonds" if any are not based in fact. After two years, neither of you have graduated to the real world.
>> I guess, running the risk of being sexist, I feel women imagine the intimacy and men possibly, just the sexual turn on. :(
> Afterall, he would have given up if he felt nothing....right?
Asked and answered.
>> I have asked - he told me he thoroughly enjoys talking to me; both for his benefit and to please me. That seems like more than just " cause it gets me off' talk. He loves it when I respond.
or is this a ploy?
> Why do I do it? It excites me......but I do confess I think about him a lot- I believe women are attached emtionally to those they interact with. I have no expectations of meeting him - obviously he would move mountains to do so, if he intended that. I just can't help but wonder why he would call me for so long and not find someone else closer to home to relate to.
I am more interested in you and why you have not moved on to find someone more in tune with you than either of these two individuals. Why are you holding on to the past when the future holds the potential for so much more. (Please read the article or the other posts in which I discuss the reasons for dating, and, the reasons why non-exclusive relationships are better than exclusive ones-up until you have found Mr. Right and are ready to settle down.
I'm more concerned about you than him. Why aren't you?
>> Frankly, I am. Why does this appeal to me so much when I have a real partner? The mystery of not really knowing.....
> Is it possible he can't let me go either? It sure seems that way...... and again, thank you for your insight. I will proabably never really know why he is doing this... just curious for an outsiders opinion.
You're welcome. As for the reasons, I gave you my thoughts on this in the first reply.
-doc[/QUOTE]
I now, I am a pain in the behind about this. I love to understand the psychology of people.... and this one has me stymied.
lots of views, limited responses...... hmm. I thought more men would want to address this one... :)