I'm not "new to sex" but I haven't totally dialled one of the most basic elements of sexual intercourse, that is to say vaginal penetration. This is why I've posted these words in the newbie section.
My first sexual relationships were with older women. When I say older, I'm talking 10 years older than me. I think I must have got used to sex with women with the natural sexual confidence that comes with experience. When the time was right, these women tended to take my erect penis and guide it home.
Now that I am getting older and younger women are only starting to be interested in me, I find that these women are completely passive during the penetrative moment. As I've no eyes down there, there is a lot of missing and manoeuvring and it makes me feel awkward, clumsy and inexperienced. Sometimes the pressure and social awkwardness rises to the point that I begin to lose hardness so I have to insert two fingers into the woman first and feel my way in.
In films, when the man is on top, he can use his hands to caress the woman's upper body while effortlessly penetrating by manoeuvring himself inside. Is this the way it is for everyone else?
It has got to the point where I prefer woman on top just to avoid the awkwardness of clumsy penetration in the doggie and missionary positions.
Eegads man, don't ever take what you see in movies and think its the "norm" for sex. If that was the case everyone would be having montage style sex with moaning and sweat and would wind up wrapped up in silk sheets.
Look if you must. The sight down there is wonderful. I am quite experienced and can penetrate, both on top, and bottom without hands. Part of it is the fact that I have phenomenal spatial awareness, and the other part is the fact that I have learned to "feel" for her opening.
There are two big reasons why your not penetrating. First off, these women are not properly aroused. When a woman is ready for sex, she "blooms". I never understood why erotica compares a womans vagina to a flower but then I realiized during a night of experimentation that a woman really is a "flower" she opens when properly aroused, which makes everything easier.
The second is your not very familiar with a womans vagina. Take time to explore. Finger her, eat her, spread her lips and just explore (with fingers or tongue). She won't complain. You should also take note that her opening is usually below her pubic bone. I have used this as a guide before. You will feel the top of her pubic bone, and as you slide you will feel the folds of her labia and eventually you will notice a spot that seems to just "grasp" for your penis. Then a gently prod should confirm whether you are right.
To add to Ducy's excellent advice;
It's not that weird to have a little trouble with penetration, especially when you haven't got to know eachother's physiques well. Each pair of two bodies aligns differently. When you have sex more often with the same person, the tricks to positioning have been learned and it's more easy to go hands free.
And no; you're not alone in this. My man was very experienced before we got together. Yet the first few times male superior to us was disaster; a mess of bodyparts ;) To his disappointment; he couldn't understand how I could put it in effortlessly while I was on top, but he couldn't get it in. And when he finally was, he'd flip out. Best way for us was to not take it seriously and laugh about it together :) And after a dozen tries, we concluded our bodies don't align for simple missionary. In his case; his fear of hurting me was also part of why we couldn't get it right. To be careful is certainly priority; you don't want to hurt or injure her. But when the lady asks several times to take her legs on your shoulders and be folded heels to ears, you may at least try with caution:rolleyes: In your case; you could off course also ask her if she's comfortable lifting one or both legs.
For doggystyle, you could try the advice as described here: http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/married-long-term-relationships/29379-do... It's not hands free, but I've heard from several members here that it really works for them as well :)
Look - it doesn't matter whether you get in 'hands free' or not - all that matters is that you get there and have a clue what to do when you do get there.
to wit: find and read the sticky post The Four Hotspots.
Interesting. From the first time, I have always guided him in. The first time was necessary because I had seduced him, after much preparation, and he had not a clue. After that it seemed a bit more efficient and easy to do the guiding rather than getting poked at. I have had men, unnecessarily, tell me, "Guide me in," or words to that effect, and found that to be a bit exciting. Rather the obverse of my telling him "In me!"
"Bloomed" or not, I want him in ey for the big event not spraying all over me and, so, guiding is my preference. Tell her she will enjoy it more if she helps you along; we women are pleasers.
make it look like you have experience at putting it in and turn into a tease. rub your penis on her clit and move down. slowly push in and let the fun begin. in my experience this worked since i couldn't do it hands free, but i didn't get any complaints.
Thanks for the informative posts. I will be returning to this thread. It has taken some of the pressure off me to know that hands-free penetration is not guaranteed even for experienced lovers.
This all seems relevant to a new situation I find myself in. I am about to embark on a relationship with an elderly lady who has had sex very very few times. (Is there enough research done on sex for the elderly?)
Anyway, about 6 months ago she tried a relationship with a chap who went to penetration very quickly and caused a lot of bleeding. It left her very distressed and wisely she consulted her gp who checked her out and said that all was well and she should have no fear of any penetrative problems in the future. So, obviously I have read this thread very carefully and feel that we shall be successful.
We shall have 'all the time in the world' for foreplay, lubrication and I shall use a contraceptive which should aid entry and stop me ejaculating too early. So, I am confident that we shall be successful and the lady, for the first time in her life, will really enjoy sex.
As to position, I hope she will control my entry into her, maybe sitting or just on top.
Nice to be back on the job!!;)
PS Met her at a Gardening Club!!
You finally planted a flower!!!
Post-menopausal women often have problems with dryness. The less active, the greater the problem. Have plenty of lubricant available and enjoy.