when you masturbate try going for 2 climaxes, this will help with stamina.
same with sex/ oral. go for 2, even if you dont make it, chances are you will go longer.

Every person is a little different, but maybe some of it is how good your gf is at giving oral sex. Another part could be that (at least in my experience) the vagina is a lot warmer and feels a lot better around my penis than a mouth does. I've had experiences where it took forever to get me off with oral sex and some that didn't take very long at all (because she REALLY knew what she was doing). I've also had experiences with PE with the same girl that I've lasted 15-20 minutes with.

some of that stuff is totally in the "mind"...just something happens,,you are so excited to be with her, you've been looking so forward to fooling around, or something like that...I know at first you say,,,nah can't be...but seriously, it's something in our subliminal thinking that lets this intermittent PE happen,,, :)

"What we have here is a failure to communicate," to quote a movie line.

There is a communications failure, here, because at least one day each week I address this matter so there are plenty of posts that can be found and read giving explanations and solutions.

There is a failure to communicate, because Premature Ejaculation is about not being in touch with your body and being able to associate those sensations and feelings that occur just prior to an orgasm so you can maintain control of your orgasms. Here is a copy of one of my treatises on the matter of P E.
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Help is on the way!

You are experiencing (and suffering from) a very common problem that affects most teens and young men up to about their mid twenties when we eventually age out of the situation. It is called "Premature Ejaculation". PE happens:
* upon initially entering the vagina (like is happening to you)
* during the initial return stroke
* anytime during the first few strokes
* during the first minute or so of penetration

Your plea for help is echoed several times a week so this being Sunday, you are getting help early on as will anybody else who happens to decide to read through the messages before writing in.

If an ejaculation happens later than first minute or so it is not actually considered Premature Ejaculation, rather, just an untimely unplanned event. Regardless, there are two fixes that work great.

Brandye recommends the Squeeze technique and I recommend a training session that the two of you can do over the course of a couple of weeks or so depending upon how often you can get together and work on it.

You can find info on the "squeeze technique" on the forum as well as doing a Google search. The nice thing about this method is that it can be used anytime a guy senses an impending climax and wants to abort it temporarily.

The exercise I regularly recommend is for the two of you to get together when you are not planning to get romantic and when you can devote a half hour to it each time. The purpose of the exercise is to train you to recognize (consciously) when you are about to climax yet can still stop it from happening; and, when you have reached the point of no return. These two benchmarks have specific sensations associated with them that you need to learn to recognize. When you can, then you can achieve control over your orgasms. Once you can recognize and identify both benchmarks, the next task is to see how close you can move the first one to the second (trigger point of your orgasm). This just takes practice as well as a conscious effort on the guy's part instead of just becoming lost in the emotion and feel good sensations and either not stopping when you know you should, or, simply not recognizing when you need to put a temporary hault on the proceedings.

The exercise requires that you both participate. The reason why you cannot master the technique by yourself is because of your internal feedback. When we masturbate we modulate our movements and make tiny midcourse corrections along the way based upon what we feel--or not. So, feedback is preventing us from ejaculating or climaxing prematurely. When we turn the job of stimulating ourselves over to our partner, we loose the ability to govern what happens through internal feedback. In order to counter this, we must give each other verbal or non-verbal feedback. Verbal cues can be a word or utterence; non-verbal feedback can be a squeeze of the hand or other gestures that we work out to convey specific meanings like how we are responding to our partner and for what we may need--now.

With respect to PE, it means that we have to learn to "wake up" from our utter state of bliss and make a conscious decision to have her stop the stimulation of our penis when we recognize that we are getting close and then convey this need to her. What's happening now is that you are in such a state of euphoria that you do not recognize the sensations associated with an approaching climax. The purpose of the exercise is to get you to make a conscious decision to wake up when you recognize that an orgasm is about to happen and to either tell her or indicate that you need her to immediately stop all movements! Her obligation at this point in time is to absolutely, positively, immediately stop because even the slightest motion of the penis will often be enough to take you past the point of no return.

In the early stages of your training, you need to stop her pretty early and way before you know an orgasm is going to happen. As you gain experience and confidence, then she should begin moving this benchmark closer to the point of your orgasm. Eventually, and with practice and awareness, you will be able to place the two pretty much side by side which intensifies your pleasure while giving you complete control over your climax.

Now, having said that, the two of you should take the exercises seriously yet recognizing that mistakes will happen and not to get upset that you have an unplanned climax. This is to be expected and will not happen as you gain experience. So, just laugh them off and try again, later.

Find some time when you know you will not be disturbed for a half hour or so and then relax in a chair or recline on a bed and let her stroke your penis. DO NOT use oral stimulation because the intensity of the stimulation will just complicate matters in the early stages.

After building his level of arousal, pausing, and then rebuilding it again a time or two, finish each exercise session by letting him enjoy a climax. Do not leave him hanging lest he acquire a good case of Blue Balls. I also understand that you may not be able to find some separate alone time exclusively for the exercise, so, if you do have to combine them when you plan to get romantic and fool around, then you can, although doing so may add needless stress and distraction thus complicating the process. So do it this way only if you have no choice.

Feel free to combine the Squeeze Technique with the exercise if you need extra help preventing an orgasm from happening. The squeeze works anytime and does not require any training other than just learning how to apply it. So, you now have two ways to gain mastery and maintain control.
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The next post will discuss the matter of oral stimulation.

Good luck. Got questions?

PART II-

Relinquishing control and turning it over to your partner.

We do not give orgasms away. Each one of us is responsible for our own orgasms. If you think about it, you have developed a "script" for how you masturbate. Same for her. Even though we know the basics involved in fingering a clitoris and stroking a penis, each one of us has developed "fine art" to this that must be taught to our partner. If you don't, chances are that you'll get it right about half the time. With something so important, who wants this as a batting average?**

Show her how you masturbate and encourage her to demonstrate how she masturbates so the two of you can visualize the movements each of you uses. Next, ask her to grasp your penis in the way you want so you can guide her fingers several times until she learns to mimic your unique and specific movements, rhythms, pressures, and tempo. In addition, give her verbal or non-verbal feedback on how you are responding to her caresses. Your feedback can be verbal whispers or non-verbal forms of body english like a squeeze of the hand that the two of you work out to convey specific meaning(s).

Similarly, you should ask her to guide your movements with her hand until you learn to mimic what she does, and also to tell you where you need to apply your caresses. Often the clitoris becomes too sensitive to touch, or, better results are had if you finger adjacent areas like the labia, shaft, or nearby areas that indirectly stimulate the clitoris. Coordinate what you do and where based upon her reactions.

If each of us is responsible for our own orgasms and we have developed a specific way of bringing them about (the "fine art") that is unique to each of us even though we all use basically the same stroking or fingering actions, then if we bring pleasure to our partner as exquisite as this may be, if we are off the mark just a bit the resulting orgasm will either not happen or will often be less than desired. Such is the case with oral stimulation and/or hand jobs that can really excite us yet not trigger an orgasm.

This can happen with oral stimulation to either the male or female. In fact it is often possible to work a person up to such a state of arousal, excitement, and sexual tension that exceeds the level required to trigger an orgasm, yet it isn't triggered because the cues (method) is not what we have come to reply upon over time. The matter is complicated further if we do not give our partner feedback (verbal or non-verbal) on how we are responding to their caress and for what we may need now.

The bottom line is that hand jobs and oral stimulation will take us directly to nirvana whether on the slow track or the fast track. The results are the same. We achieve a level of excitement equal to and sometimes much more intense than that necessary to trigger an orgasm yet the climax is sidetracked because the stimulation is not quite what we require. So, while we can drive our partner wild with desire, passion, and anticipation, what is required is to slide back down the arousal curve and switch tracks to what s/he requires to bring about their orgasm.

> However, when getting oral sex, I can't reach orgasm unless there's a pretty regular handjob involved as well. I don't understand it.

** It is definitely possible to get a person off via oral stimulation; however, it is best accomplished if they offer some guidence by way of providing feedback. In the case of us guys, we often require the "dynamic duo"--a combination of oral stimulation and a hand stimulation. The reason has to do with the fine art of how we masturbate and then being able to have our partner duplicate our movements. Even though all guys stroke a penis in pretty much the same way, each of us has from puberty developed a unique and specific variation that I call the "fine art". It is this that must be taught to our partner.

A woman's orgasm is not the be-all end-all to making love. If she wants them and you can help her achieve them, fine. Women report that a lot of the times they do not miss not having one; it is the intimacy they share that is important and satisfying. Think about this and do not be all that disappointed if she does not have an orgasm. There can be contributing factors that prevent her from having an orgasm, also, such as distractions or the fear of being discovered, so be mindful of these issues.

Ask her what you do that she enjoys. Ask her also what you do that specifically moves her closer to achieving an orgasm. Then, ask her for feedback so you can modulate or make any midcourse corrections that she may require. If you are unsuccessful, know that you probably drove her wild and took her to new levels of excitement, yet you will have to resort to fingering to actually help her trigger them. Not a bad night's work if you ask me, regardless of the outcome.
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With the possible exception of an orgasm not being the be-all for a guy, everything else, above, holds true for us.

If you want to try and experience a hightend state of pleasure, ask her to just give you oral, or, to lubricate her hands and lightly stroke your penis gliding over the surface using a very light touch and grazing action (without gripping and moving the skin within her grasp). If you want to up the ante', ask her to slightly cup her hand and use the palm in a way that simulates polishing a round doorknob. If she rubs the Glans in this manner, I can pretty much guarantee that you will be transported to new and far more intense levels of pleasure. Will you climax? Maybe not; therefore, pause, slide back down the scale until the sense of urgency disappears and then use the stroking action you have come to rely upon--offering feedback and guiding her movements in the beginning if required.

Know your hotspots, how many and where they are located. By far the hottest is the Frenulum {Y-shaped ridge of skin extending from the cleft on the underside of the penis to the top of the shaft.) We also have one or more almost as hot spots distributed around the Corona Rim. When she rubs these, you will be pretty much guaranteed an orgasm will happen immediately if not sooner.

In a nutshell, demonstrate for each other how each of you masturates. Take each other's hand and guide each other's movements so that you can lean to mimic each other's specific technique. When it comes to oral, know that guys often require manual stroking in addition.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

Okay, DancinDoc,,you better check in for a hand massage cuz yer fingers must be killin' you by now!! :) :)

Thanks for the concern. Actually, a full body massage would feel good right about now. As for the long post(s), I copied and pasted, as mentioned at the beginning so my fingers are really OK, its just my shoulder that's bugging me. ;)