> I'm new to this sex stuff. Me and my partner are virgins and are preparing ourselves for our first times, and I would like some advice on how to really please her so that she enjoys her first sexual experience. I have a few questions (some might be kind of stupid so I apologize in advance...as I said, I'm new to this stuff) if anybody could be so kind to answer them?

I really want to make my girl happy and have her enjoy her first experience, but I'm not really sure what "path" I should be taking towards ultimately her reaching orgasm.

I understand.

What is important for the newby to learn is that first time intercourse rarely if ever results in an orgasm for the woman. The reasons are that if the hymen is intact or the vaginal opening is small, or she suffers from vaginismus, any one can prevent an orgasm from taking place. Assuming that intercourse does take place, any discomfort is likely to squelch any attempt at having an orgasm. A woman's climb up the arousal curve and then beyond to climax is tenuous at best. So, everyone in the know knows that first intercourse does not always come off perfectly or without a hitch or two.

Her enjoyment of this special experience usually comes before and perhaps after intercourse through fingering or oral stimulation so that she reaches her orgasm before any possible discomfort.

You should also know that first intercourse even if it goes well and without discomfort will likely provide enough distractions to prevent an orgasm from happening. Her pleasure and happines comes from the emotional and physical closeness that the two of you create for the moment. So, above all else, please be a loving, caring, compassionate, knowledgeable lover, even you you have yet to hone the skills. These things will provide her with pleasure, happiness, and satisfaction until she becomes comfortable with this new level of intimacy.

> After we kiss each other on the lips...I kind of am concerned that I will be going too fast for her or not doing the right things. What kinds of things should I do after we kiss, so that she knows where I am going?

I like the question. Actually, there are things you can do before you kiss. It's all about the romance. You can cuddle for a time, stroke her hair, massage the back of her head and neck, etc.

Here are links to some recent posts of mine that should shead some light on the how-to aspects of making out in no particular order. In some threads I have more than one reply:

http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/pleasing_him/17410-is_me.html?highlight=...

http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/pleasing_her/17486-fondling_doesnt_turn_...

http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/pleasing_her/17247-in_need_advice_quick....

http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/new_sex/17018-i_have_lost_all_game_pleas...

Roaming hands leave little doubt about where you are or want to go.

> So that she knows that I want to pleasure her? Am I making sense? In other words, after we make out, how should I proceed so that she knows we just kissed and that's not the end of it.

> Should I ask her or tell her if it's okay to "move on"?

No.

A woman sets the boundaries or limit for how far the man can go. She is free at any time in the future to extend this limit to some additional level of intimacy. So, how is a guy to know how far he can go? A couple uses a method called "Implied Consent". This means that he is free to make out until he reaches her present boundary. She will then say "stop" or otherwise indicate that you are to go no farther. Honor the boundary and know that you are able to work within this range.

Now, you are wondering how you know if and when the previous limit has been extended to a new level of intimacy. Implied Consent. You make out and once you reach the previous limit, if she failes to stop you, you are given consent (implied, not spoken) to continue to roam and explore until you reach her new boundary and she stops you. And, so it goes....

> Are there any signals I should be looking for before I know it's okay to start taking off some of our clothes?

Yes. First of all, do not be in such a big rush. You might well spend weeks before getting to this point. Once, again, implied consent is utilized. For example:
* Let's say after cupping a breast from the outside, you attempt to slide a hand down the front of her top in order cup her bra. If she doesn't stop you.....

* Let's say after being granted this permission you decide to slip a finger inside the front of her braw. If she doesn't stop you.....

* Let's say after doing this, you want to unbutton her blouse. Do so in stages and not all at once and let her get used to the new level of intimacy. If she doesn't stop you.....

* The same goes for a top that can be pulled up.

* The same goes for unfastening her bra.

See how marvelous the unspoken word is? It's all about being granted consent that is implied. When you have reached a boundary, she will stop you and that will be that--for now.

So far the discussion has been about her. What about your clothes? Well, you can wait for her to take the lead, or, you can open a few shirt buttons and insert her hand, or, you can simply pull off your shirt(s), bearing your chest. This is far less intimate than what she often must come to grips with. Besides, bear-chested guys are a dime a dozen so it's no big deal.

The big deal comes below the beltline. Before you unbuckle a belt or unfasten pants or unzip/unbutton the fly, stop. Let her cup your penis through your trousers, first. You can also place her hand there if she does not take the lead. After placing her hand over the mound in your pants you can continue to glently hold her hand and maybe even move your erection side to side. Don't be too surprised if this action cause an orgasm. Just shrug it off. The point is to convey to her your implied consent and then to encourage her to avail herself of this new level of intimacy if she doesn't do so on her own.

Several dates later, depending upon how things go, you can try undoing your fly and letting her explore over your underware. If all goes well, at some point you can free your manhood. If all goes well then on another date you can open up your pants or even slide them and your underware down. All this you will have to play by ear. Much depends upon her reactions and her enthusiasm.

The point of me taking all this time on the subject is for you and others new to making out who are reading this that you just don't go headlong into this and get naked and have sex. Far from it. You take it slow, easy, and in stages, over many dates. Spend time developing a relationship and getting to know one another. Who wants to make love to a stranger. Now, having said that. Please be more than the typical teenager who will say and do most anything to get in a girls panties. If all you want her for is a way to get your rocks off now and again, then use a plastic Ziplock bag to make a pseudo vagina as I have described in other posts. Make your makeout sessions about "us", not all about "me".

Feel free to ask more questions.

[QUOTE=pencil_pimp]Is it good to know what you are going to do and what you expect to do in advance, I mean, before you actually have sex?[/QUOTE]

If it makes you both more comfortable, plan away. It's good to have a plan for things. Just make sure you are still enjoying yourselves, not putting ticks on the checklist you guys discussed weeks before. This could become awkward and unromantic very quickly. Comfort is key. Once you guys become used to the intimacy, you'll start improvising and having a wonderful time together.

first of all good for you communication is the key talk as much as possible. dont underestimate the intimacy of making out with no shirts on it can be more intimate than sex at times when there is soo much bare skin contact. as for the planning bit that is well id say dont set a plan just discuss things you both may do not an order let it flow. one thing that works well in my experiance is online roll playing it gets the ideas out there without putting them in real situations just to see how you both react to new ideas.

> So do you think girls prefer it when guys kind of "freestyle" it during sex? My primary concern is that I will be doing something she is uncomfortable with. And I REALLY would hate to do that. Is it better to set up some kind of routine or is it better to have some surprises?

I thought by now this would have been answered. That it hasn't, I will chime in and add my 2cents worth.....

Men typically are creatures of habit and that can get us in a rut of routine sameness that after awhile is not a good thing. So, while a certain amount of predictability is OK, you should be creative enough to vary the routine and to add new things or new twists to old things every so often. I wouldn't call these out and out surprises, however, the changes are "welcome surprises" that help keep interest alive and bordom from setting in. Total surprises can be dangerous, especially if you spring something on her that she may not be comfortable with; therefore I also agree that the two of you have a discussion sometime about limits, likes, and dislikes so you know the types of activites she is not interested in. Within these boundaries you are certainly free to jazz things up, mix things up, and to try new things. There is a saying that goes: You want to keep her off balance, and, if she is off balance enough she will be flat on her back which is where you want her, anyway. This is sorta crude, but it makes the point.

> What is online roll playing? Can you explain that to me?

I'd like to know the answer to this, also. I suppose like any other type of roll playing one or both of you act out a script in an imaginary play or fantasy. It's like playing doctor or nurse. In fact, if you do want to act out one of these professions, see if you can buy or acquire a stethoscope and BP cuff, you can save the sticks from popcicles to use later as a tongue depresser. Other instruments are available from pharmacies or medical supply companies if there is further interest. It helps to have props.

As for roll playing on line, I suppose it means just that. It would not be unlike telling a bedtime story.