O.k so i may be freaking out for absolutly nothing but other people's input on this could be helpful.
As most people may well know, I have been with my boyfriend for coming up to about 2 years now and I've been on the pill ect ect. When i first started taking the pill i told my parents almost straight away because i like be upfront and honest to my parents. My boyfriend however descided he didn't want his parents knowing (he has a few issues with his parents, I think because they are devout christians, of course he would deny that but that's my theory)
I understood where he was coming from and i left it to him to let his parents know whenever he felt comfortable. The other week me and my boyfriend foolishly got caught in the act by his parents. I can't tell you how embarresed both him and myself were and it ended in me leaving pretty sharpish.
When i next talked to my boyfriend the day after i asked how his parents were and he said they were fine and that they'd just left it there, almost like they didn't care and we could do as we wished.
Of course most people would think that this would be great, but i just think that his parents are strange for doing this and that there has to be some kind of.. i don't know rules put in place or conversation about pretection ect ect. because that is what my parents did when i told them. I can;t help but think because of this that i should be careful around his parents, and always feel like i shouldbe watching my back.
Does anyone else think that thier reaction might seem fishy? or am i just being paraniod? Any input would be greatly appericiated.
Hmm... If I were you, I would probably feel the same way. I wouldn't want to be around the parents, because I'd get a feeling that I wasn't welcome. However, one should try to keep these feelings from looming over the relationship. I didn't know they had already talked to your bf, but now that I know that I am inclined to agree with Mr. Saint. Let them enjoy their denial, because they can't keep it up forever. Denial is a mental defense mechanism, and like the other psychological defense mechanisms, it is not healthy in the long run.
However, they're inability to accept their son's actions and to open up to you is affecting you as well. My suggestion is that if you ever feel like the "hate" is getting to you, only then should you try to interfere. At that point, break it down to the parents to try to get your feelings out in the open. Tell them that you feel unwelcome, that you'd like to work with them to alleviate your feelings of dread, and that you'd like a chance to show them who you really are.
I don't want to speak for Saint, but I think the reason that you shouldn't immediately interefere with the parents' denial is that they might find it insulting to be given advice from someone younger and/or from a "foul temptress". Who knows? They may not feel insulted, but if they were to be you'd just open a whole 'nother can o' worms. Hopefully the tension will ease up and you won't feel this way for long, so try to avoid the talk if you can.
I hope this clears up soon.
It might be difficult for them to deal with what they saw. They had no warning, right? I'm sure they'll talk when the shock of the sight wears off. I don't think their not saying anything means that they don't care. It's more likely that a talk will follow soon. Maybe you two should take the initiative and ask to sit down with them to tell them what's up. Be honest and upfront with why they weren't told earlier. If you speak for yourselves instead of waiting for them to do so, you might be able to make a better case for yourselves. Speaking on behalf of your own actions and owning up to them shows maturity.
[QUOTE=Massdebator;217604]It might be difficult for them to deal with what they saw. They had no warning, right? I'm sure they'll talk when the shock of the sight wears off. I don't think their not saying anything means that they don't care. It's more likely that a talk will follow soon. Maybe you two should take the initiative and ask to sit down with them to tell them what's up. Be honest and upfront with why they weren't told earlier. If you speak for yourselves instead of waiting for them to do so, you might be able to make a better case for yourselves. Speaking on behalf of your own actions and owning up to them shows maturity.[/QUOTE]
Ah well you see they did talk to my boyfriend, but they didn't give any rules or anything and his mum specificully said that she wouldnt talk to me or us together. They gave no rules, said nothing about precortions or responsibility, which is why i have the impression they don't care. From what my boyfriend said the conversation was like "O.K you're having sex, now lets never speak of it again."
[FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3]If they want to live in denial, then let them. As long as you are using protection (I would suggest condoms as well) and you are of a reasonable age, then I would not change anything. You two are not going to stop sleeping together, right. They are not going to stop being unhappy about. So not much is going to change no mater what you do. People have there beliefs and talking to them in a mature manor is not going to change there mind. Don’t lie to his parents but let them have there denial. [/SIZE][/FONT]
Yeah i suppose your correct in that i should leave they're denyal to them. I just think it is sad because me and his parents got on fairly well untill this and now his dad wont look me in the eye (to be fair i dont blame him after what he saw, but i'm not ashamed really now i've gotten over the embaressment) and his mother looks at me as if she could quite happily kill me rite there and then. We're both 16, We're both of legal age (in the UK i dont know about anywhere else) and I am sure regardless of thier beliefs they know what happens being human themselves. I know this sounds stange but i wish they would just grow up and realise it's not completly my fault me and Joe were having sex and so not to hate me for it.
[SIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]Religion is a tricky thing. You have to see it from there (twisted) point of view. You are the beautiful evil women the seduced there perfect, innocent son in to committing a sin. It is not logical so there is nothing you can do about there delusions. Just look on the bright side, at least you were not buck naked, on your back with you hands tied to the bed post. :D[/FONT][/SIZE]
NO i suppose so.. I just don't think anything is ever going to be the saem again now, even if i'm with him the rest of my life and we get married and have a perfect life with perfect children who go to church every sunday, they will still hate me. Well maybe hate may not be complelty wright, well, yeah actually unless they get it out in the open i will be doomed to feel nothing but hate from them. A constant feeling of an ice cold atomosphere will be all i feel when i entre thier house. woo!
Thanks for all your help, i think i'll just keep my chin up. I can happily say this hasn't actually effected mine and his relationship, just mine and his parents but at the end of the day who cares? they can't stop me seeing him and havn't tried so there's no reason i can't just carry on and pretnend it's all normal. If it doesn't change over time i will confront it, but untill then I'll just take it one day at a time.
My parents are the devout Christian type, and it was pretty much the same thing when they found one of my condom wrappers. They acknowledged that I was sexually active, but they clearly want no part in that part of my life, and I am more than happy to oblige.
Go with your instinct and act normal.
Yeah i will do. I think the only reason i got so thrown by the reaction (or lack of it) was because my parents and i talk about everything and well obviously his dont. I'm sure this reaction is probably more common than i think. Not all people have as good a relationship as my mum and me, i'm very fortunate.
They are dealing with a big shock and it will just take time for them to get used to the realization that their son is partaking in an activity that they do not approve of. It could take a while for them to sort of either get over it or get used to it, but after that, I am sure things will settle back into some sort of normalcy. It may not be exactly like it was before, but if they liked you before they found out, there is no reason for them to not like you now that they know. I would just act normal around them and try to brush off any weird vibes you may sense from them. It may help to try and make a little extra effort to talk to them and spend time with them more, just so they know that you are still the same person. Try to have dinner at their house more, or watch movies over there or something. Just something to let them know that you aren't going anywhere and that you are serious about your bf.
I came from a similar background as your bf and those things helped my parents get over it quicker.
His parents have, in effect,, written you off. They no longer see you as a worthy person and they just figure you're their son's "wild oats", If you wish to change this view, you are going to have to change your behavior by growing up a bit more, keeping your sex life to yourself, and never ever 'getting caught' again. BTW do oyu have a focus in life OTHER than making babies? IF so, get on with that instead of worrying what his parents think.
Ok. To start I was in no way showing off my sex life, as i do keep it to myself. His parents got home an hour earlyer than they had told him, and so i obvioulsy have no plans to get caught again.we'll just have to be alot more careful in the future. And yes i do have a focus in my life and none of them include making babies just yet. I just didn't know quite how to react. I'm over it now though and they are starting to finally talk to me and be a little less hostile towards me, so i don't have anything to worry about.
And it's just a little harsh making me out to be some kind of baby making tart who likes to put on a show for all to see. You can't make that implication unless you have evidance to suggest that IS how i run my life, and as you don't know me you can't.
I never expected any of this to happen and I'm just trying to find a way to sort it out. I am old and mature enough to have a sexaul relationship without having some babie making obsession, that's the last thing on my mind.
Stop taking offense where none was meant.
Well things have now started to settle down. I think his parents are finally accepting of it as his dad has started buying him condoms. I think it's them saying we can't stop you having sex but we can make sure you're safe. so I'm no longer worried, which is nice.