My new wife complains that vaginal intercourse with me is very painful and refuses to have sex 2 nights in a row. She complains that I'm too big (width wise) and that it is very uncomfortable. We've tried switching condoms, using more lube but it doesn't seem to help. I'm getting really frustrated and could use some expert advice.
Sun, 08/19/2007 - 06:13
#1
Painful intercourse
Are you being gentle enough when you begin? Try being a bit easy until she is comfortable--do not just insert without proper foreplay and some gentle strokes until she's more aroused.
We normally engage in quit a bit of foreplay first. She's usually the one trying to pick up the pace. I always stick at least 2 fingers in her, preferably 3, before going in. I try gentle strokes at first but many times she tells me that it hurts and to go faster to get it over with. Not good. We have a good, healthy relationship otherwise.
maybe taking it really slow once first entering. and instead of pushing the whole thing in just ease the head in for a bit and then move from there. so it stretches a bit naturally without that pain.
Also when it starts to hurt her continuing is not always the best option (the reason she doesn't want to 2 nights in a row. she is probably still sore)
All i can say is it should eventually get there... just keep applying lots of lubrication, etc and just keep trying to ease into it after lots and lots of foreplay.
(bring her close to orgasm during foreplay and she should be really really wet. this will help as well as applying lots of lube. then just take it slow)
by stopping once it is starting to hurt quite a lot well for starters you might get lucky 2 nights in a row. there are other ways of finishing and its 1 of those things that might take a bit of time to get used to. just keep tryin at it...
as the saying goes if you fall off your bike you jus gotta pick yourself up and get back on and keep trying. it will eventually happen.
Hope this helps
To add to the above. I am on the large side--in width--and she is tight. Does this have to be a problem for us? Could part of this be pyschological and not physical? She is very self consciese even though I try to reassure her. She has also been hurt before. Communication is key but she is not very willing to discuss it.
Even the large men (super well endowed) can get in. The only think she can be tightening up on her own. Or she has a medical condition...if not better see the doc. In the mean time get her to relax...
All good advice.
Two things:
One, where are you applying the extra lubrication? If she is really wet, then the lube should be to your entire penis or condom.
Two, have you tried the Woman Superior position? This has many advantages for a woman; first, she can guide your penis and place it where she wants and at the proper angle; second, using pressure and not shoving, she can guide it inside with a speed and distance that works in the moment; third, she can go as deep as she wants; fourth, she can begin stroking at a speed and tempo and stroke length that is comfortable; fifth, if she wants an orgasm from intercourse, she can then sit and grind or rub her pieces-parts against your pubic mound or base of the penis.
Lastly, help her to enjoy one or more orgasms before intercourse--and after if it is her wish. You should be very highly aroused and near the point no return before beginning intercourse. If you happen to be of the opinion that lots and Lots and LOTS of stroking is the way to get there, then you are incorrect. Get "there" first and foremost though lots of making out and then foreplay.
You should be at or very near the peak, yet not so close that you loose control when moving around getting into position, or, when receiving stimulation by hand and/or oral.
I have had alot of sex with my current guy, he is big as well. And like your wife, it still hurts every time at the beginning. We do a lot of foreplay and use lube but intercourse still hurts a little.
And I am always a little sore the day after, which sounds like it is a problem for your wife too.
I don't know if it is something that will go away, but if you find a solution definitely let me know! I am right there with you two.
Girl: If it's discomfort & soreness the next day, if you have sex regularly w/him, from past experience it goes away. If you have lots of it in one day, you are going to be sore. The only time it bothered me was if we were apart for a week or so, then spent time together. It does go away.
To the OP:
http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/new_sex/16577-what_am_i_do_frustrated.ht...
Read Brandye's response & google see if you find any more relevant info.