If you experience one more time, it is past time to visit your gyn. The more often you experience this pain, the more likely it will hurt next time. The doctor will establish that everything is as it should be and give you insight into why the pain is occurring. Left unexplained, the pain will become a "normal" and sex will not become enjoyable.

[quote=dancingdoc2]First, and when considering having intercourse, you should see your doctor and get checked out to make certain all your pieces parts are as they should be. This is also a time to chat and have any questions or concerns you may have answered. If you have not done this then you should do this as soon as possible.[/quote]

> Is it still recommended that I see my gyno?

Asked and answered, above.

He may determine that your hymen or what is left of it is sufficiently stubborn and can make a quick snip using a topical numbing agent to remove any obstacle.

Does your boyfriend insert his finger prior to intercourse? If so, does it hurt when he does this? Has his penis been well lubricated prior to insertion? When he inserts his penis does he slip in, push, shove? He should be able to just slip inside with little or no effort. Have you tried to insert your finger as a test?

> it takes me a really long time to get really wet, if wet enough.

All the more reason to include the use of a lubricant and to distribute it well as part of your foreplay.

> after that, it generally doesn't hurt unless we've been going at it for a while.

How long is a "while"? Many women report back that they become SORE, bored, and tired, if intercourse lasts longer than about ten minutes. If intercourse is lasting longer than this it begs the question of why? Is it because he is caught up and lost in the sensations of stroking away? Is it because it requires a long time for him to reach the brink of an orgasm?

Number one is one thing. Number two is poor methodology. Intercourse should not begin before inviting him inside--AND not before he has been brought to the brink of no return yet not so close that he can not move around and get into position. For some reason guys nowadays operate under the misguided misconception that the best way to reach a climax is form lots and Lots and LOTS of stroking and thrusting. WRONG! This is what Foreplay {Manual and/or oral stimulation) is for. Getting each of your "engines" reved up is what fooling around {Necking, Petting, and Heavy Petting) and making out is for.

Have you been reading the articles in the Index?

-doc

first timer in need of help

I'm Ready for SEX! (or am I?) I really want to do it.

An Exercise to Help Make the Hymen and Vaginal Opening More Pliable

The articles above are worthwhile reading. Please pay particular attention to the exercise detailed in the last one.

-doc

If this persists, se your gyn. The hymen is the least of your worries.

> I can't say I got much pleasure from it. I want to know if that's normal (especially the pain even though it wasn't the first time).

Yes! Please understand that if your hymen was intact or only partially eroded away while growing up, your initial attempt(s) to gain entrance to the vagina will likely tear the membrane. This will cause one or more open wounds that will take several days to heal.

If you are experiencing pain after giving the pieces-parts sufficient time to heal--and, you are using plenty of lubricant, then you might benefit from seeing your doctor, again. While possible, it is unlikely that any remnants of the membrane will be troublesome after it has healed. This leaves method and technique, plus the fact that it takes a while for two people to adjust to one another.

Inexperienced boys and men only have one reference--their body and its response. What they have yet to learn is that women respond differently, and require more time making out in order to build arousal. Making love is not what we do to each other; rather, what we do with and for each other in partnership. Explore and learn together!

> Sex is supposed to feel really good, but I have yet to experience that amazing feeling when doing it. Maybe it's just because we only had it twice. I don't know. But I thought it wasn't supposed to hurt at all after the first time. Any suggestions or advice?

Asked and answered.

> (Perhaps this is relevant to the answer: he is experienced, and he is very big, and he said I was very tight, so that's probably why it hurt so bad the first time. But why the second?)

Asked and answered.

> Hooray for ignorance.

No comment, except to say that providing information is why this site exists. The members of our community "pay it forward" making life, relationships, love, romance, and, sex easier for those coming up thru the ranks. We understand that ignorance is what many folks have when they join our group, yet they should quickly acquire much needed information and knowledge. Please read the articles listed in the Index with your boyfriend, discuss what you have learned, then add the information to what each of you already knows.

-doc

I'm surprised no one has advocated lube. It could be you've got some tearing and other abrasions that are being irritated when you try again. A quality lube - I like system jo - will help to prevent this from happening in the future and generally make things more pleasurable all together.

You appear to have made my point in another thread about the typical person nowadays being unable to concentrate on a particular subject longer than 30 seconds.

I mentioned the need to use a lubricant, above.

There are many discussions on the topic of first time intercourse including an article listed in the Index.

First, and when considering having intercourse, you should see your doctor and get checked out to make certain all your pieces parts are as they should be. This is also a time to chat and have any questions or concerns you may have answered. If you have not done this then you should do this as soon as possible.

Second, is to know from the exam or from your personal observations what your hymen looks like, how resilient it is, and, where the opening is--either in the membrane and/or between the membrane and the vaginal wall. It is the latter where the tip of the penis should be placed as you attempt penetration. More than likely he simply arbitrarily placed the penis against the membrane and pressed or shoved thus causing your pain and possible tearing.

So, have a look and see what you can determine about its condition.

Third, even though there may now be an open passage, there could still be some lingering tissue and wound(s) that have not healed. Rubbing against this/these areas can cause abrasions and more discomfort until you are completely healed.

Fourth, for the immediate future, use lots of lubricant at the vaginal opening and along his penis--even if you are producing plenty. Make sure it is well distributed so that there are no dry spots to rub against.

Fifth, he should always press against your opening and never shove or jab.

Sixth, as long as you are experiencing discomfort due to insertion this will probably be enough to sidetrack any pleasure.

Seventh, few sexual positions place a woman's pieces parts in close constant contact with her partner's pubic mound sufficient to generate the required friction to build arousal. So, what a knowledgeable, skilled, caring lover will do is to reach around and finger your clitoris and labia while stroking.

For the next couple of attempts, I recommend that you use the Woman Superior/Cowgirl position in which you are on top. Why? Because you know where P & V are and can deftly bring the two together; second, because you can apply as much pressure as desired; third, you can then go as deep as desired; fourth, use the rate of stroking that is pleasurable; fifth, sit on his pubic mount and "rock and roll" as much as desired to increase your pleasure and increase your arousal.

[quote=llovell]...you probably did not spend enough time getting yourself "warmed up" by making out and foreplay. You need to be really aroused....[/quote]

Question: how long do the two of you usually spend fooling around and making out? If you are not devoting a minimum of half an hour to building your level of arousal, excitement, and, anticipation then you are rushing. While a man can be UP and ready in a matter of minutes, not so his partner.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

-doc

As for your second time, consider two things;

Firstly, you probably made the same mistake and jumped in too soon.

Secondly, you aggravated a sore area that had been stretched and possibly torn (if you had a hymen to break) so it is understandably sensitive. This may continue for a few more times but if you get yourself good and aroused and wet it will be minimised significantly!

It's normal to get SOME pain the first time, but if it was that bad then you probably did not spend enough time getting yourself "warmed up" by making out and foreplay. You need to be really aroused and lubricated before you can expect to accept even an average-size guy without discomfort.