Are some men not able to differentiate between fantasy and reality.

[EvilEvilKitten]

WSO - it is the fantasy taught women by most religions - as you know.

In answering the question: not all people are mentally well and not all people are courageous or adventurous. You have to allow for this when thinking about fantasy versus reality and who can handle what.

Yes, some men simply cannot differentiate between what's real and what isn't. Neither can some women.

Having been taught "this is how women are and you're to behave this way" - it is no wonder some men's nerve goes when being asked to act contrary to their programming. Some women have the same issue.

And you can all can the inverted snobbery, thank you.
I tend to think people don't use the proper sexual terms for their activities because they cannot spell them correctly.

[sarah_rsl]

Originally Posted by Brandye

OK, Sarah, my sister to the far South, my answer: We all, men and women, have difficulty separating our fantasy selves from ourselves known to others. This is especially true with sexual fantasy because our sexuality was the last of our major personality traits we were able to act upon and its'formation is so dependent upon outside (and sometimes unknown) forces - religion, schooling, parental hangups, mass media. As individuals, we had to sort all this out and figure out who our sexual selves are. Then, we experimented and those early groping, regrettably violent for some, experiments started to form our behaviour. I think men's sense of self is more wrapped up in sex than women's. Male hangups on penis size are really anxiety about how women will view them and feel about them. Our female hangups on breast size are about our own bodies and, more often, how other women see us. Men never figure out that when we "dress-up" it is more to impress other women than to impress men. But, in the process, we are both trying to meet our fantasy ideal rather than face reality. Few men are the bedroom studs they wish they were and few women approach Christie Brinkley (age appropriate for me) in our public presentation. But, by god, I TRY!!

All that is true but still, a man pestering a woman to have anal sex and then when she agrees changes his mind just as he starts?? I think that was blatantly down to him having a mental fantasy life that was completly unhinged from real life.

Likewise with the threesome and this is something that's happened to a lot of my mates as well, they organise threesome for their boyfriends then their boyfriend loses his nerve as soon as the third person appears (I've been that third person). I think the answer is more down the individual makeup of the bloke and how he forms his views on sex from porn and his mates boasting. It's like he's been told that he should want anal sex and threesome or rough sex or whatever.

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

I tend to think people don't use the proper sexual terms for their activities because they cannot spell them correctly.

So the fact that I choose to use colloquialisms when I'm talking about my sex life is down to poor spelling? Well even if it is, sometimes the civil thing to do is to recognize when a person makes an honest attempt to articulate something from their personal life and respond with something other than condescension.

[EvilEvilKitten]

No, but your backhanded slur about your royal family wasn't called for now was it? Don't dish it out if you cannot take it in return, sister. And yes, I did understand everything you wrote being conversant with some British slang. I did enjoy dlb's shag being a dance however - which is the problem with using slang since it can mean different things to different people.

So, the man lost his nerve? BFD - it happens. Some things just are better in pornography or as a fantasy then they are in real life. Just move on to something else.

But he should not have badgered you and you should have not given in to his badgering. If a guy won't accept you telling him no then it is time to get a new guy.

[dlb]

Originally Posted by sarah_rsl

So the fact that I choose to use colloquialisms when I'm talking about my sex life is down to poor spelling? Well even if it is, sometimes the civil thing to do is to recognize when a person makes an honest attempt to articulate something from their personal life and respond with something other than condescension.

Sarah, I don't think EvilEvilKitten was talking about your colloquialisms. I am pretty sure she is as good at colloquial speech as any of us. While she can be evilly condescending I don't think she intended to be condescending to you.
I'll allow her to clarify that herself.
EvilEvilKitten. I didn't see any backhanded slur. Sarah made the observation that the Royal Family is German and Greek-actually they are German since Phillip's branch are also Battenbergs-and that they have no special claim to the language. It was a corollary to G.B. Shaw's statement when discussing Pygmalion that Liza Doolittle's vocabulary and accent would have been more genuine and nearer to Anglo-Saxon than Prof. Higgins' English would have been.

[sarah_rsl]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

No, but your backhanded slur about your royal family wasn't called for now was it?

So what I said some negative things about the royal family and you jumped to their defence???

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

Don't dish it out if you cannot take it in return, sister. And yes, I did understand everything you wrote being conversant with some British slang. I did enjoy dlb's shag being a dance however - which is the problem with using slang since it can mean different things to different people.

I've found one characteristic of the internet is that it allows people to behave in ways that they wouldn't in real life. Hence why I'm a little bit suspicious everytime I read hyper aggressive posts on various forums, written by people snug in the knowledge that's there's no real way for them to be challenged on their comments.

Of course I'm sure you're a tell it like it is tolerate no bullshit.... etc etc type of woman in real life... actually I'm not I get the sense that you'd never dare say half the stuff you post on here to someones face.However If you get a boost to your self esteem acting like you do and pretending for a while you're some dominant fount of female knowledge ... well more power to you.

I offered up an experience from my own personal history. You looked at what I read through your own skewed vision and have laid your own judgement opon it. You're perfectly entitled to engage in trollish behaviour if you want, but if you take the trouble to read peoples posts properly and actually try and communicate with them you might get more out of the experience.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Yes, I pick ONLY people who are here to defend themselves - so figure!
If you bothered to do a little, just a little, research, you'd soon discover that you're not receiving any special treatment from me. Yes, I am aggressive. Yes, I tend to be forthright. Yes, I do not blindly stroke egos. Yadda, yadda, yadda. We have all heard it before. You aren't the first person to attack me and you probably will not be the last.

So, perhaps we can focus now upon those few people who cannot differentiate reality from fantasy.

How was my vision skewed?
YES, SOME PEOPLE CANNOT TELL THE DIFFERENCE AND
YES, SOME MEN WILL LOSE THEIR NERVE
Apparently you have a problem with that?
WHY?

[EvilEvilKitten]

Excuse me dlb, but the Battenburgs and Prince Philip are only half of the equation and if you will recall the Bowes-Lyons are Scots. Having done a lot of genealogy, don't ask, I can confidently state that German and Greek are the LEAST of their bloodline. A great many of our ancestors just would not or could not stay home.

"While she can be evilly condescending I don't think she intended to be condescending to you.
I'll allow her to clarify that herself."

It was actually a small joke she took exception to thinking I was specifically referring to her. That happens when your focus is too narrow. Oh well.

[dlb]

So anyway-not only men, women too have that problem Sarah. Human nature suppose. And yes, it can be frustrating, annoying and perplexing to deal with in a partner.

[EvilEvilKitten]

YEP! And the way to deal with it is by understanding that "to err is to be human".
Good humor and kindness replacing anger.

and a now a joke:
unless looking at your butt scared him?

this is not a joke:
of course offering something grudgingly does tend to take the fun out of it and he considered the whole effort not worthwhile which would mean a need for further discussions on Boundaries & the Acceptance thereof.