Sexuality :- My Personal views for discussion

[sania]

I have some views regarding sex. I feel sex should always be within your marriage or your-to-be husband or wife. Otherwise one can never be happy.

Although there is nothing wrong in doing it but once it starts there is no end to it. Perhaps this are my views or beliefs which i have developed over time.

Like we have a couple friend with whom we share ourselves physically mfm. Because we wanted to find something new. But eventually, we never found anything new. Its always the same. Then you again start finding something new. I started fantacisng on mfmm, mfmmmmm , going to swingers club and so on. I also put a poll on that issue to see peoples reaction. But now i feel mf ( or say mfm if you cant resist ) is okay but enjoy it efficiently. Volume is not important. Qualityof sex is more important in sex. Have quality sex.

Its like a dog trying to catch its tail. Or like an old wine in new bottle.

What I believe is, try to find what is new in what you have. Or try to find what you have not yet found in your partner.

Like in some poll, someone asked good boy and bad boy. But there is no defination of good boy. What you like is good. So the trick is in convinsing your partner in what you like. Then your partner will be good.

Like yesterday itt1130 gave an idea of lying naked when your husband enters home. Brilliant. There are lot of new things like that which can be tried. One can keep on exploring sexuality in your self and your partner. Changing partner will never solve it.

One can share ones sexuality here, so that new couples can get new ideas about it.

I know many people will not be with me. Because its human nature to be attracted to opposite sex and also not to be satisfied with what is with him/her.

Like @ 70% males are not satisfied with oral sex performance of their females. But if they change partners there is 70 % chance of finding similar girl. Instead, one can try to understand situation and possibly convince ones partner to explore it in better way. Like if one of this 70 % male goes to swinger club or prostitute and enjoys what he missed with his wife. He will again land in same situation once he comes home.

This were my personal views. And I wished to talk it out. I know there will be lot of strong reactions to it. But it has to be.

[2little]

Sania,

i have to agree with every word you say. I understand how mfm or fmf or more people if desired could be fun. but if your not happy with your sex life, try new things within your relationship.

[sania]

I am not saying that I am not happy or happy with mfm or fmf etc. I wanted to say, that one should be satisfied with no of partners. And go for better sex. Otherwise there wil be no end to your scrolling to find partners.
We have a couple who is our very close family friend. Infact I would like to say, we are just like a family of 4 . We are together in our good and bad times. Go out together. Have week end dinner at one of the place etc. His friend is equally caring and so is my hubby with his friends wife. We know our expecations and try to do it to extent possible. Other girl takes on responsibility if I am not available and vice versa. Same when our hubby is out for long. It helped us when we girls were pregnent at some time.
Now even if we wish tobackout NO. We are one family. Noone can backout. Its even not possible emotionally.
May be thats why in some of polls and even in home page of this site, people suggest sex outside should never be with friends but only with stranger.
But we have no problem as of now.

[EvilEvilKitten]

The idea that sex should only happen within a marital relationship (spouse or fiance') because that is how one is happiest is not strictly true.

Each person has his/her own idea of what is happy.

But the incoherence of your posts makes it rather difficult to determine exactly what it is you are trying to say.

[Rouge]

I was JUST commenting on the marital part :P. Ironically, I grew up in a ridiculously strictly religious household, where anything outside of marriage was considered sin. I'm much happier now, with my partner, than I ever would have been had I ended up with a guy who fit my parent's profile at the time.

the thing that startled me the most: Nothing feels wrong. There is no point in our relationship where I can say that I felt like I was sinning, wrong, insecure (sexually). This has lead me to believe that marriage really doesn't make a difference. I could spend my life not being married to my partner, and still be the happiest girl on earth.

[sania]

EEK, You are right. I have had sex outside marriage. But my views are that there is no end to it. If you keep on finding new partners to get satisfied, there is no end to it. Now, I believe that we should try to find new ways to enjoy sex life with current partner.
But since, we are already in MFM threesome relationship with a friend couple, we think like we are a family of four. We share everything. And its like we dont feel it as outside marriage.
This although is contradicting to my views, we are already in it. So its on.

I am not saying the sex only in marriage is the happiest thing. I want to say that you should try to spice up married life by new things. And if required you can add a partner or have a sex outside to learn new things or have a feel of something different or have a change. But the focus should be to spice up your current life and not change your spouce.

[nuttychick]

Originally Posted by sania

EEK, You are right. I have had sex outside marriage. But my views are that there is no end to it. If you keep on finding new partners to get satisfied, there is no end to it. Now, I believe that we should try to find new ways to enjoy sex life with current partner.
But since, we are already in MFM threesome relationship with a friend couple, we think like we are a family of four. We share everything. And its like we dont feel it as outside marriage.
This although is contradicting to my views, we are already in it. So its on.

I am not saying the sex only in marriage is the happiest thing. I want to say that you should try to spice up married life by new things. And if required you can add a partner or have a sex outside to learn new things or have a feel of something different or have a change. But the focus should be to spice up your current life and not change your spouce.

I am really not too positive what you are saying.. you seem to contradict yourself with every post...
Your relationship with this other couple make your first points in the first sentence of your first post invalid..

Have you been married long?

[sania]

a. I am married long @ 10 yrs.
b. I am definitely contradicting somewhere. b'coz
c. I believed that sex should be within marriage before marriage.
d But I and my hubby have had sex outside marriage. We still have it. This happened in our quest to find something new.
e. Even after that, I believe that, rather trying to find new pleasure in new partners, we should spend more time in existing partner by finding new ways to do it.
f. Going to swingers club is still one of the fantacies left untried.
e. Now , Rather I wish, to enjoy with my hubby and at the most his friend. But my hubby has little different views.

So nuttychick. This are my views. Definetly every one is different. And once you are in married/ sex life you have to hear your partner also. Isnt it. This creates some contradictions.

[sania]

EEK, you are great. I just read your posts THE PROGRAM and BODY WORSHIP. I would make my hubby read it. We would enjoy in our next anniversery. Thanks

[EvilEvilKitten]

From what I can tell, you think that marriage is good and to be preferred, whether an open or a closed marriage, over a single life with an endless round of sexual partners. Furthermore, you think one should seek a greater sexual understanding with one's spouse and enrich your marital sex life before going outside for more adventures.

All of which I can agree with.

The focus is that each of us has to be THE ONE for someone. We all need a PRIMARY relationship - the spouse. Anything beyond that is open to mutual decision and negotiation.