Keeping Friends with Women

[Greendale]

Here is an interesting thread, for those who are close friends with women, NOT boyfriend/girlfriend type, just friends first. What are some ways to keep friends with them? This is a good thread for guys who are close friends with women that won't screw up their friendship with. Seems like guys who are "close friends" (not lovers) with women friendships end so soon for some odd reasons.

Helpful advice and some good points on keeping close friends with women:

1. Do not ask her for sex
(This is the big one, you wonder how friendhips with women/guys end so quickly, 'cause horny guys thinking the friendship is all about the sex)
2. Do not accuse her of sleeping around with a bunch of different guys
(*sigh* Just because you're close friends with a woman, and if you see her talking to other guys as friends doesn't mean she's a slut. Maybe she prefers to be close friends with mostly guys? Nothing wrong with it, some women are like that. Just respect her with what she does. If you hang around her while she's hanging with other guys you could become good friends with the other guys she's friends with, that's called being sociable and meeting new people which is a good thing)
3. Do not look obsessive with her
(You can say things like "She's beautiful" and "Very pretty", 'cause women like being flattered when guys say things like that to her, but ways to not look obsessive with her....a) don't spend too much time with her (unless she gives you permission) b) do not phone/e-mail her everyday (unless she wants it) c) Do not hug her too much (unless she wants it)
4. Treat her like a human being
(She's a human being like all of us. Respect her the human being she is, and that's a way to keep a friendship)

Ok, that's all I can think, you continue down the list. You're turn to continue on to no. 5.

Thanks. And happy new year.

[thetease13]

Best advice I can give:
Don't be a jackass.
And hopefully you can understand what I mean by that.

[Greendale]

That's a good one tease, and yes, women hate men who are jackasses and I do know what you mean by that.

Anymore?

[lilly2279]

I think a good bit of advice is not to be just friends with a girl if you're really wanting to date her.

Cuz I've had a couple of guy friends that now do not want to be friends with me just because I'm dating someone. Then they wanted to be like "well, I didn't think you wanted to date anyone. If I knew you were wanting to date someone I would have taken you out!" Ummm, ok.

If you're really just wanting to be friends with a girl, you shouldn't have to worry about being jealous or hogging all of her time or whatever. If you're just friends, that should not happen. Am I right?

[Greendale]

Well, what inspired me to make this thread is that a co-working friend at work just accepted my friendship with her. We're just nothing more than co-working friends, that's it. For now anyway. I need to get to know her a little better first before asking if she wants to do something with me outside of work one day. I don't want to screw my friendship with her in the future and hoping to have a chance with this one.

I gave her a Christmas card at work with the card with me asking her if she wants to be friends with me, and she gave me one too, which clearly shows she's officially willing to be my friend.

I would like to be more than just friends with her but it's too soon to tell that. I'm going to get to know her more first like talk to her at lunch breaks and stuff, once I get to know her more, then I'll ask her if she wants to do something with me.

You can be "just friends" with a single woman, and not a couple.

I want to be sure that this woman is the right person to be dating with, that's why I prefer, "friends first, maybe more later".

[lilly2279]

But Greendale, we all know you really want to do more than date this girl. You've been talking about her for a very long while now.

You've just recently put up several posts concerning her in various parts of the board, which is fine. But which express the idea that you really want more than to be a friend. Now you act like you're the one waiting to see if she is worthy of more. You already know that.

If she does not want a relationship right now, there may be many reasons. One of them may be the fact that she just doesn't really want to date you. I'm not trying to be mean, but maybe she just doesn't see you in her life with all of her kids, etc.., you know?

So, it's cool to be friends with her. But if I was you, I would move on and start looking at other women. Because even as a friend, you are constantly going to be watching her. And as some guys do, I'm not saying you would, but you may use friendship as a way to talk to her about "anything". This may include you getting close enough for her to open up about a date she went on last weekend or whatever.

If that happens you're going to be angry and upset. Because you know you are basically waiting in the wings until she is "ready to date". If she becomes ready and goes out with another guy you're going to be upset and it will ruin your friendship on both ends. She'll be mad if you pretend you just wanna be friends and then start getting snippy because she went on a date with another guy.

You've liked her a long time. Which is great and she's real lucky to have that. But all the stuff you've tried hasn't really seemed to bring her any closer yet.. There may be a reason for that and you may have to just accept it.

Be friends, but make sure you're being a friend for the correct reason. It sucks to get hurt in situations like that..

Good luck

[Greendale]

Thanks Lilly, I'll just be friends with her and see how everything goes. I won't be upset if she decides to date other guys and not me. If she decides to date someone else and not me, we can still remain close friends if she chooses to. I'll let her do whatever makes her happy.