hi all,
Just wanted some advice. I am currenly with my bf 8 months. we are very much in love and very happy. There is just one problem that is really getting to us. I just can't seem to get an orgasim during sex. and i don't mean penatrive sex i mean foreplay to. I can make myself orgasim when i'm on my own. I can do it pretty easily to. But when i'm with him i can't seem to do it and he can't either. At first it didn't really bother me because i've only ever had an orgasim with my first bf then they just kinda stopped.
When i got with my recent bf i couldn't make myself orgasim. well i had never really tried but as i say i can do so pretty easily now. So now its starting to get to me cos i can't even do it.
So what is the problem. i'm not uncomfortable. i'm very realxed, very turned on, its not like he's doing anything wrong either cos i can't even do it to myself. Once i got remotly close when doing it myself and he was well, helping out and then it just kinda went. I'm certain that once i do it once after that things will change.. its just getting fustrating now. I've told him that the more i think about it the less like its actually gonna happen. But as its not like i'm not relaxed, other than that our sex life is amazing..any ideas.
Amazing sex life with no orgasms for either party. Yes, that is amazing. The problem is likely psychological and you are right, the more you focus on it, the less likely it will happen.
Even when it is apparent that the problem is in our minds, it is a good idea to rule out any physical problems. Each of you should have exams and make certain everything is in working order. That try an evening of you doing him and another evening of his doing you. Each of these should be with an agreement that there will be no genital contact - just pleasuring.
no no, Its just me who has the problem having an orgasim. He can orgasim grand. I can make myself orgasim when i'm on my own but can't seem to do it when we're together and yes aside from this we do have an amazing sex life.
sorry... i wouldn't call it an amazing sex life if you dont orgasm...
The be all and end all of sex isn't to have an orgasim. Its just a bonus if you do. HOw many girls have sex and don't have an orgasim, they still have sex and enjoy it. Just cos they don't have an orgasim doesn't mean what happened wasn't amazing. Actually, just foget i asked my question, great advice board this is.
OK, look around. About a quarter of us never experience orgasm; about a quarter do from penetration and thrusting. The rest of us (about half) require additional stimulation by hand or mouth. Somehow you have turned off you response and that is most likely psychological.
ok, so how do i turn my responses back on. What is getting to me is that i can make myslef orgasim my own but when i try with him it doesnt happen.
No one can answer that but you. Your body is simply not responding, sexually, to him. Is it telling you something that your mind is not?
Or, it could simply be a matter of your showing him (telling him) exactly what you need. The practice can be fun.
Brandye is right, it could be your body saying hey somethings wrong with this...
But I honestly think its that your stressing too much...and the only thing you can do is...
Relax...coming from a guy who had a similair problem...relax...
The more you stress the harder it will get and the more you will get upset. Next time, just take the time to make it "special" so to speak...give each other massages and do some body worship, do manual and oral stimulation, just let every action flow into the next. dont once try to "think" about what your bf can do to help you cum, just relax and when he hits a spot just say so...oh yeah right there...oh yes dont stop etc.
p.s. Really worked for me, hope it works for you as well :D
Ducy is male and you are female. Our responses and hangups are different.
Ok, thanks for your responses..I really do try and jus not think about it but of course trying to not think about it make u think about it more!! Its not just with him either. anyways,thanks again
Sorry brandye I just thought perhaps relaxation could really help her out...just giving her an idea on what could help her
This is your body and your orgasm, own it! There are potentially three areas that can be stimulated to produce orgasms; the spasming of the pc muscle. They are the clitoris, the G-Spot, and the posterior fornix.
If you tense your muscles, stop breathing, worry about having an orgasm, expect him to give you one, think sex is dirty, think he will think less of you if you enjoy sex, or any other similar thought - you will NOT orgasm.
Clear your mind. Follow the sticky post The Program. Relax and enjoy each and every sensation as it comes. Breath deeply and calmly. Think of sex as lying on a floating raft at the seashore just gently rolling over the swells. It is hot and sunny and utterly delightful. Just go with the feeling. Think "this man will please you".
The reason why a quarter of women do not orgasm is because their men have no real idea how to properly have sex. Just last night, I met a woman who didn't have her first orgasm until she was aged 45. She had her first ejaculatory orgasm last night!
If there is nothing physically wrong, then by balancing relaxation with arousal, focusing your mind upon feeling and enjoying those feelings - you should be able to regain your orgasm.
Apparently, Shell, you and Ducy have not read the various articles listed in the Index that discuss all this in detail.
Cutting to the chase: If you can achieve a climax regularly and consistently, and you pretty much use the same method or technique to accomplish this alone, then what you and others (male and female) have to do is to show your partner how you do it, take his hand in yours and guide his movements over several sessions until he learns to mimic the movements, rhythms, and pressures that are unique and specific to you. So, guide his fingers to the place to stimulate, and guide his actions. Equally important is to give him feedback as to how you are responding to his caresses and for what you need next.
Please read through the Index. The articles are there for a reason.
I'll tell ya, women are complicated!! :p But I like it. Its a challenge! :D
With guys (myself anyway), sex is easy! Not too many buttons to push...but women, wow, you need to learn some sort of programming code! :p
Doc I read the index...didnt help...Wound up getting too swept up in trying to do exactly as written that I couldnt enjoy it.
Women are NOT complicated, they are people; some good, some bad, some indifferent but most a mix of all three - just like men. Women are however, subtle. Most men are not. Women are focused upon security. Most men are not. Men and women want the same things but at different times in their lives.
What most people truly want is for someone to give a damn about them.
This does not mean to cling to them like grim death but to care while still giving them room to breathe and to be themselves. Be there when wanted and needed. Give them the opportunity to return the favor. Have fun together and share when disaster strikes.
Got it?
> I read the index...didnt help...Wound up getting too swept up in trying to do exactly as written that I couldnt enjoy it.
Brandye, EEK, and I have pulled information from various articles in the Index and have included the information in the posts, above.
well, i don't know if its because i came on here and got what i needed to say out but in the last say 4 days i've managed to orgasim twice while with my bf. It ended up being a two way thing. I made myself orgasim but with his help and i knew that once i did it once the next time wouldn't be a problem and it happened again. The same way. So now we're gonna have some fun practicing with him doing it by himself!!! But at least we now have a starting point.
Congratulations! And, as Jackie Gleason used to say on his old TV program, "And away we go....."
[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;208721]Women are NOT complicated, they are people; some good, some bad, some indifferent but most a mix of all three - just like men. Women are however, subtle. Most men are not. Women are focused upon security. Most men are not. Men and women want the same things but at different times in their lives.
What most people truly want is for someone to give a damn about them.
This does not mean to cling to them like grim death but to care while still giving them room to breathe and to be themselves. Be there when wanted and needed. Give them the opportunity to return the favor. Have fun together and share when disaster strikes.
Got it?[/QUOTE]
I was only kidding about Women being complicated! :p Maybe mostly kidding. :D
A few questions for you:
Do you masturbate alone? If you do, do you orgasm? If you orgasm when you masturbate, how is that achieved, usually (clitoral stimulation, with a pillow, watching porn)?
How is your relationship outside of the bedroom? Has your stress level increased? Have you two been disagreeing on something? Do you feel special and loved in a non sexual way? Do you find yourself getting mildly annoyed with him fairly regularly? Are you reasonably happy with your body?
During IC, what do you think about? Are you fantasizing? Is your mind somewhere else?
I ask these, because they will all factor into how you are responding to him sexually. If things aren't their best outside of the bedroom, it can and often will show in your sex life. Do you focus on having an orgasm or on what your body is experiencing? It is very important to not over think your orgasm, that is a pretty guaranteed way to make it NOT happen. If you do not experience orgasms on a fairly regular basis, then it will be a little harder when you are with a partner.
The more often you have orgasms, the easier it is to achieve them. Since, from what I gather from reading your post, you can orgasm manually, try that first. Don't have him help, unless he is kissing you or caressing your breasts, he is not allowed to touch you below the waist. Just watch. You may be having a mental block with him in the room and also because he is always helping you, he may be doing just one little thing that turns your uphill sensations downhill really quick. Make sure you are taking time to become properly aroused before sex. Don't skimp on the petting and kissing and caressing. If you need the help of a toy, incorporate that into your sex play.
[QUOTE=shell023;209149]well, i don't know if its because i came on here and got what i needed to say out but in the last say 4 days i've managed to orgasim twice while with my bf. It ended up being a two way thing. I made myself orgasim but with his help and i knew that once i did it once the next time wouldn't be a problem and it happened again. The same way. So now we're gonna have some fun practicing with him doing it by himself!!! But at least we now have a starting point.[/QUOTE]
Congrats! I somehow missed the 2nd page before I posted my previous post, but yay!