I've been having sex with my husband for six months now (we just got married January 11th) and I have a question regarding if I am actually having an orgasm when we have sex? Before I met him, I used a vibrator on my clit and whenever I had an orgasm it was like an electric shock was running through me, and my stomach muscles and everything would clench up and spasm for ten-fifteen seconds. But whenever me and my husband have sex, it feels like I reach a plateau, and then it kind of gradually fades off. It still feels good, but there is no electric shock feeling and there are no overwhelming spasms (although my husband tells me he can feel my vagina clenching up a bit sometimes). Is this still technically an orgasm? It doesn't really bother me too much that this feeling doesn't happen when we have sex but I would like to know if I am really achieving the most out of our sex, and what I can do if it is not really an orgasm? Typically for me to have an orgasm with the vibrator it would require up to a half hour of constant, unmoving stimulation on just the exact right spot and if I was so much as a millimeter or so off I wouldn't achieve an orgasm. Obviously, this is unachievable for us when we have sex. Any ideas?
Sat, 02/09/2008 - 11:20
#1
Orgasm or not?
We women have all sorts of orgasms- earth shattering electrifying down to those that are hardly more than a deep sigh. They are all good but I understand your concern. A quarter of us never have orgasms; a quaerter reach orgasm through penetration and thrusting. The remaining half of us require additional oral or digital stimulation to get there.
You are on the cusp - you get something but not all you want.
My rule is "ladies first." I am in that group that requires additional stimulation. You can vary your routine but have him bring you off first with hands or mouth. Other times, do it in other order. Keep trying.
Over the years I have masturbated every week or so irrespective of other relationships. I think I am normal.
Added thought: Lie on your back with your knees draped over his hips. He should be on his side cross-wise to you. Take him into you and then you use the vibrator. That should take care of the one mm problem. He still is able to massage your breasts or whatever. This gives you the chance to experience orgasm with his penis in you - a delight. Your orgasmic contractions will often trigger his ejaculation. Wonderful!
I'm a 26 year old guy with absolutely no idea what it's like to be married or be a woman...obviously:rolleyes: However I know that my girlfriend's orgasms intensify dramatically when I wear a vibrating cock ring. While it probably won't give you an orgasm anywhere near what you experience while using your vibrator, it may help intensify the orgasms that you have with your husband... Valentines Day is coming up, perfect timing for a new toy :D
"My husband and I"...
Id - half hour with a vibe?!?!?! Damn, you MUST be made of cast iron! Are you working right - physically? Is all well? Being 'hard to orgasm' is NOT a desirable trait. So what gives with you? Do you NOT WANT to orgasm for some unknown reason? You have three areas that can be stimulated to induce orgasms, which one works for you? Do you know? Do you thinnk sex is dirty somehow? Do you masturbate not just to one orgasm to beyond that to many orgasms? Do you ejaculate at all? Unmoving? Try slight movements so the nerve endings don't just get habituated, go dead to feeling (numb) and stop sending signals to your brain. A bit of moisture will also work wonders. Perhaps you have an unskilled and/or undemanding male on your hands. In which case, exploration and experimentation should become the order of the day. Try reading the sticky post The Program and then do it.
ok I think that covers it:
1. physical reasons
2. mental reasons
3. technical reasons
4. partner reasons
Next, relax your brain, relax your body, breathe deeply and calmly, roll with the feeling, focus your mind upon "this man will please you", participate and reciprocate in the sexual adventure.
By the way, I am NOT a fan of toys. You can enjoy superb sex just with your partner if you awaken your body and mind to the subtleties of sexual congress. This is the purpose behind the sticky post The Program which involves taking the time to learn and appreciate the subtleties while both relaxing and arousing both partner's body and mind - readying them both for sex. You, Id, may be too aclimatize to the intensity of your vibe to appreciate what your husband is doing. I suggest laying your vibe aside and devoting yourself to The Program, sincerely devoting yourself to it, before you use your vibe again.