i posted something similar to this a little while ago. i'm in the same boat as you: masturbation a no-go, too sensitive clit, never orgasmed. so, you're not the only one at least. hopefully dancingdoc and brandye will give you some pointers, but they'll probably also tell you to read past posts as there has been a lot on this topic. just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.

Well, OK, Paz, why not provide Minchy6 the link to the thread you mentioned?

Better, me thinks for her to read the entire thread than for Brandye or me to spend time retyping everything.

> i've never masturbated really, although i tried like a few days ago and found it pointless.

Please do not give up without giving this the good ol' college triy, so to speak.

Every girl/woman must learn how to bring about her own orgasms and make the leap from being preorgasmic to an orgasmic female. Trying once and failing once are just the beginning. Keep at it until you connect all the dots and establish the necessary connections between all the nerves in the genitals and the pleasure center of the brain. You are born with the capability to experience orgasms, however, the "wiring" must be established.

Spend time by yourself when you are relaxed and will not be disturbed and then explore your body and caress each and every inch of skin. Explore your genitals and finger the entire vulva, to include the upper folds, labia, clitoral shaft and tip, and surrounding areas. Learn what begins to feel good, and repeat those caresses that build your arousal.

Building our ardor is a process, It is like boiling water, it takes time, although perhaps thirty minutes for women, especially in the beginning. You start out at room temperature and as the friction continues so too does the "heat". More caresses + more friction = more heat. Eventually the water begins to boil and then errupts into a "rolling boil". Much the same thing happens to each of us. You must work at this longer and build the pathway.

As you get more and more turned on, you will find that you will perspire, you will probably squirm, your body will strain and become tense, your breathing will become rapid, haulting, and you may even hold your breath near the trigger point. Your focus will narrow zeroing in on what you are feeling to the exclusion of everything going on around you. The first few times you masturbate you may experience the sensation of having to pee. This is a false signal that should be ignored, especially if you have an empty bladder. Just push through the urge and you will find your orgasm on the other side. After a few successful orgasms, this urge will go away.

> 'm gettin frustrated as when he touches my clit for too long when fingering me, it actually feels too intense and i jst want him to stop because i feel uncomfortable in a weird way.

I addressed this matter a few days ago at length. This is a common occurrence. The fixes are as follows:
* Cover the tip of the clitoris by folding the inner labia over it and then massaging or rubbing it through them
* Switch tactics and finger the shaft that is buried beneath the skin between the folds of the upper vulva
* Tug on the inner labia and massage them and thus the clitoris will be stimulated indirectly. In addition, finger the surrounding area.

> i dnt know wots going on really

When the nerve endings become overly stimulated the brain releases a chemical that makes the area feel painful. It goes away shortly. Guys often experience this immediately following an orgasm and and we connot stand to have our penis touched for several minutes after.

What follows is a copy of one of my replies for help. It speaks directly to the matter at hand, although it does include some specific concerns that the author had that may not be relevent here.

" Everyone, male and female needs to learn to masturbate in order to "connect the dots", that is, make the necessary connections between the thousands of nerve endings in the genitals and the pleasure center of the brain via the autonomic nervous system. This is not a given, the pathways must be established. Boys do this pretty matter of factly right out of puberty; however, many girls do not masturbate as early or at all as in your case.

In order for you and any other woman to experience orgasms, you must learn to generate them. This requires that you take matters into your own hands, so to speak, and teach yourself. Once you can achieve a climax reliably and regularly, and know what specific movements, rhythms, and pressures are required, you can then teach your partner how to mimic your technique.

It is important to understand that we do not give orgasms away to others. All any of us can do is to help our partner achieve his/her own. We are in fact responsible for our own orgasms. Brandye and I and a couple of others have replied to numerous posts about this. I am surprised you didn't run across one of these threads. Please check this out as just two examples (my reply and her followup):

http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/othe...nsitivity.html

> I don't find myself sexually stimulating, so thinking of touching myself is a turn-off.

You are looking at this incorrectly. Masturbation is not about loving yourself, nor is it an act in response to being "full of yourself", so to speak. Pure and simple, masturbation serves two purposes: first, is pure pleasure and enjoyment; second, to reduce and eliminate pent up sexual tension and daily stress. "

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PART II

"

" Right out of puberty boys learn rather quickly how to masturbate and then spend a few weeks building up arm/wrist muscles and honing in on what types of motion, rhythm, tempo, and squeezing, where and when, work. Once we develop a technique it pretty much stays with us for life. Even though we may modify our basic method and experiment with others, we do not stray far from key things that build and ultimately trigger our orgasms. This is what I call developing the "fine art" of what is otherwise just the basic mechanics of stroking.

Not so for many girls. While some learn to masturbate early on, many remain "preorgasmic" for years, never exploring and learning about their body and how to achieve an orgasm via masturbation until much later in their teens or twenties. Why, I don't know but it could have to do with the low level of testosterone, and, perhaps social/family morals.

SELF DISCOVERY

What follows is only one idea of many that you can use.

I suggest a girl or woman wanting to learn to become orgasmic begin by taking a hand mirror and exploring her genitalia in order to get to know what all the pieces-parts look like. Her reconnoitering should begin at the pubic mons; and include the folds of the upper vulva; the labia majora and minora; urethra; vaginal opening; hymen; and, anus.

If she has a large mirror or full-length mirror, she might stand in front and begin to caress and make out with the person looking back at her. Learn to caress yourself by observing what is happening in the reflected image.

Slowly begin to disrobe and continue with the caresses. Eventually, move to the bed and continue touching and caressing and removing any remaining garments. Perform all that follows on a daily or twice daily basis for several days or weeks until you learn how to build your arousal and what is required to trigger an orgasm. How long it takes depends upon how often you do the exercise and how relaxed and "into it" you let yourself become. Pick times when you will not be disturbed by family or outside noises. Doing the exercise in the morning before getting up, and/or, after going to bed at night are good times.

One place to begin is with the brushing, stroking, or fingering of your hair, then moving on to the nape of the neck, shoulders, face, cheeks, and lips and ear lobes.

Caresses should be both progressive and all inclusive, meaning that as you move from one area to the next, you go back and revisit and restimulate previous places. As you explore, learn what feels good, where, and incorporate these in future sessions.

As you move down from the neck and shoulders, include the upper chest. Leave the breasts and other erogenous zones for later when you become aroused and excited more intensely. Do move down each arm and forearm to the palms and fingers and then back up and then around the sides of the chest to reach the abdomen. Continue to revisit previous areas.

Let your fingers roam and brush over the pubic mons, perhaps briefly fingering the hair and folds of the upper vulva in passing as they continue on down the front and sides of a leg ankles, feet, and toes. Then, retrace and upon reaching the thighs, spend more time lingering in the area. As your level of arousal continues to build, begin exploring your breasts, nipples, and genitals, lingering longer as you become more aroused.

The large lips can be fingered and kneaded and the small lips massaged and tugged upon. Include the clitoris as desired. Learn what finger placements and movements work best to build your arousal.

When nearing the trigger point of an orgasm, many women feel an urge to pee. This is generally a false signal and should be ignored, especially if you know the bladder is empty. Rather than stop or interrupt the proceedings, what needs to be done is to continue the stimulation and push right on through the urge. On the other side is the orgasm.

You know you are getting close when your attention focuses on what your fingers are doing and you loose all sense of what is happening around you or outside. You also know when your body or parts of it tense, when your breathing changes becoming more rapid and/or when you hold it momentarily. You know when you begin to perspire.

You may also find that your finger movements change from a long and slow action to shorter and faster and faster yet. Do not stop.

If your clitoris becomes overly sensitive, cover it with the inner lips and massage it through them. Alternately, stroke and rub the shaft of the clitoris buried beneath the folds of the upper vulva. Repeat everything that works and omit things that do not. Continue with the other hand to caress other parts of your body. An orgasm may or may not occur the first time or two. If so--fantastic; if not, do not let any disappointment take over. This is a learning experience and a process of self discovery. It may take a few days.

THE ORGASM

Women can and often do have different types of orgasms. For right now, concentrate on learning to have a clitorial one. Once you learn what works and what does not and you begin to develop a script, stick with it and modify it mid course based upon the feedback you get. When you learn how to achieve a climax, then keep at it every day or so until you can do it consistently and reliably. Once you can then you can teach your partner to mimic your movements.

It is important to know and understand that we do not give orgasms away to our partner. All any of us can do is to help our partner achieve his/her own. In order to best accomplish this, we need to demonstrate for our partner how we masturbate and then to take his/her hand in ours and guide it several times until they learn to mimic our movements, rhythms, and pressures. Key to all of this is to give each other verbal or non-verbal feedback on how we are responding to their caresses and for what we may need--now. In addition, I believe it is essential and good etiquette for a woman to let her partner know when she has experienced an orgasm. More often than not a woman's orgasms are more internalized and less obvious than her partner's, so instead of having him ask "did you cum?", help the guy out and let him know with a "whew", "wow", or just a squeeze of the hand--whatever the two of you work out.

RESOURCES

INFO 4 Guys--
http://jackinworld.com/howto/ht.html

http://jackinworld.com/expert/index.html

INFO 4 Gals--
http://www.clitical.com/

Check out this site for additional resources.

I hope this will be of help to you and others in your situation. "

PART III

http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/new_sex/16589-help.html

Please pay particular attention to what Brandye has to say.

..........

dancingdoc, i'm sorry to have omitted the links. i wasn't sure what links would be best as i didn't find the links from my thread personally helpful and i didn't want to make assertions about something that i myself struggle with. essentially, i thought i'd leave the advice to the professionals. the point of my comment was to let her know that she wasn't alone and that advice would be coming soon. anyway, thank you for spending your time on this board, as you know, you're very helpful and much appreciated.

Understood, Paz.
Thanks for the kudos.