And, more help is on the way....

Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you enjoy participating. Please begin by familiarizing yourself with the FAQs, the Posting Guidelines section, and especially the Index, all found at the top of the main screen. The Index contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles that discuss the most common questions and concerns people ask about--like yours. In addition, if you click on the site's Home page, you will find even more information.

> I don't think I really know how to. The most I've ever done it for was like 5 minutes. ... does it take longer than that?

Generally speaking, yes, and certainly during the learning process. Males of the species can pretty much conjure up and orgasm in a matter of two-three minutes most often, although, not always. Because orgasms are not the biological imperative for women that they are for men, you (editorially speaking) learn later in life if at all, while guys pretty much begin masturbating straight out of puberty.

There are several articles listed in the Index that discuss the various aspects of the female orgasm. Please read each of them a couple of times, beginning with this article:

For Women Only- Help! Why Can't He Make Me Orgasm?

Crucial to you successful learning process is in being relaxed, with no internal or external distractions, and, simply being receptive to the whole process.

> I've tried to stimulate (?) my clitoris (and other.. areas) before and it was kind of just ticklish so I stopped

Ah, this means you are becoming aroused. The way to fix this is to use just a bit more pressure, sufficient to stop the ticklishness, only. One thing to try is to "rub" (very lightly) moving the skin instead of very lightly caressing the skin.

> (this is SO embarrassing, but I don't wanna be with a guy some day and NEVER orgasm if HE doesn't know how to do so for me).

As you read the articles and even similar discussions on the forums, you will learn that each of us, male and female, is responsible for our own orgasms. We do not give them away. All any of us can hope to accomplish is to help our partner achieve them.

> Could I have had one before and not known?

Not very likely.

> I am scared of this because everyone says that when you do it's amazing.. and what if I am thinking it's more "amazing" than it is and I have already done it (?).

It is all that and more--and, you have yet to connect the proverbial dots and experience the first one. Do not be scared, do not be, disappointed, do not be anxious. Be curious. Be adventurous and explore using the information gained in the articles by EEK, Brandye, and, myself.

Stand by for additional information and insight as others find your question.
I hope this is of help. Got questions?

-doc

dd2, I'm not certain if this is a problem or not, but I find the only way that I can have a sure fire orgasm is through a vibrator...this isn't the problem, but I want to be able to have an orgasm by using my own body.

Lord knows that I have tried using my hands just for clitoral stimulation...the max time I've done this for was 30 mins.

I know that it is nearly impossible for me to reach orgasm, but the question is...is it wrong that I can get off only by using a battery operated machine? I know I can't orgasm by any other means, and I'm becoming a little bit concerned about this...

Thank you for the additional information.

Over the course of a year we receive several of these concerns. To belay any fears--no, it is most certainly not wrong to use a vibrator. That said, what has happened is that you have become accustomed to the more intense sensations a vibrator produces and as such are not sensitive to other forms of stimulation like fingers and/or a tongue.

The "cure" is to begin retraining your brain. A person's skin is their largest sex organ. The skin is covered with sensitive nerve endings, yet Mother Nature plays a trick on us by not connecting the proverbial dots--in other words, all the sensitive nerve endings with the pleasure center in the brain via the autonomic nervous system. Most likely what occurred in your situation is that you learned to masturbate and enjoy orgasms using the stronger sensations of a vibrator.

Now, you need to devote some time to retraining by learning to use your finger(s) instead. Please read this article for guidance:

For Women Only- Help! Why Can't He Make Me Orgasm?

There are several articles listed in the Index that discuss the various aspects of the female "O", and I recommend reading them just FYI.

There are as many nerve endings in the clitoris as in the glans of a penis; however, they are much much closer together and thus more sensitive. It is not at all unusual for the clitoris to become too sensitive to touch, so what can be done is to stimulate it indirectly thru the labia. Give this a try.

Make sure you arouse yourself by caressing your skin and those areas like breasts that you know will augment your level of arousal. Retraining is not that unusual, yet can take some time so do plan on devoting several days to a few weeks to this.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

About a quarter of all women never experience orgasm although almost all are capable. Too many give up too soon. The best training for orgasm is having an orgasm and most women learn by themselves. If it takes a vibrator to have the first few, so be it. Once you know what you are moving towards, getting there is more likely. Yes, you will know when you make it.

Ok, so say that I do want to wean myself off of the vibrator...about how many minutes should I allow myself to get "reacquainted with my body?"

To add onto this, and I think it's kinda weird on my part, my bf can get me off a lot easier on touch stimulation than I can.

Is this normal???

Since everyone else is covering the details very well, I'll go a different route.

You should never be ashamed about sex or sexual acts such as masturbation. Everyone masturbates, just not everyone admits it. There is no reason for you to feel embarrassed for touching yourself down there. It feels good, and until you are ready for sex, you will do it often. When I am single, I probably masturbate 3-4 times a week, and some people do it everyday.

As you already said, you don't want to be with a guy, and not know anything about your own body. You need this practice, not only to make yourself feel good, but to learn what makes you tick. This way, you can help a guy pleasure you better. If you don't know how to pleasure yourself, how could a man ever pleasure you when he is in unfamiliar territory?

Now, some people are immature and can't handle talking about sexual stuff like this, but don't worry about those people. Just be confident and open with yourself.

Good luck.

> about how many minutes should I allow myself to get "reacquainted with my body?"

Speaking from the male experience, the answer is not cut and dried, like 3.25 minutes +/-0.5 sec., etc. The answer is two-fold: how ever long it takes to become aroused, initially, and then enjoying the growing intensity; second, how long it takes to become bored, sore, and distracted. If your caressing and fingering is causing you to become aroused and your arousal is building and intensifying then keep on doing what you are doing because in not too long your arousal will peek and the orgasm will follow.

You say you can achieve an orgasm both from a vibrator and your boyfriend's caresses so you should know what the build up feels like, the peek, and the release. If there is not much physical tension and emotional content beforehand then I'm wondering how much the two of you are putting into fooling around and making out prior to working exclusively on triggering an orgasm.

Please do not over analyze this or place the experience into a "box" of exact dimensions. Go with the flow....

ok, adding on to this and I'm not sure if it's relevant, but I am a virgin...my bf respects that a lot so we allow a lot of time for caressing, hugging, making out, and touching and that usually gets me off...along with verbal guidance and from there we dry hump and I'm usually set for the rest of the time being.

The phenomenon that I feel is occurring with me is that I can react with other stimuli, just not within my own limits.

A light touch by someone else will feel a lot more pleasurable and intense than when I do touch myself, this is something I'm noticing.

[QUOTE=sensualGoddess;253444][COLOR="blue">ok, adding on to this and I'm not sure if it's relevant, but I am a virgin.[/COLOR]

Thank you for the additional information. Virginal or not is not all that relevant when it comes to caressing the external pieces-parts of your vulva and body in general.

[COLOR="blue">my bf respects that a lot so we allow a lot of time for caressing, hugging, making out, and touching and that usually gets me off.[/COLOR]

Virginal or not, the two of you are doing the right things by allowing "a lot of time for caressing, hugging, making out, and touching". Do you know why this is important? Does he?

Maybe he is taking his time because it feels so good and he is enjoying himself and you; however, if he also knows that women require more time and effort in order to become turned on and aroused and all rev'ed up then he is a kind, considerate, knowledgeable, lover, indeed!
[COLOR="blue">
...along with verbal guidance and from there we dry hump and I'm usually set for the rest of the time being.[/COLOR]

Communication as well as feedback are the two key factors in a relationship, romantic or otherwise. It sounds like the two of you are on the right track.

[COLOR="blue">The phenomenon that I feel is occurring with me is that I can react with other stimuli, just not within my own limits.[/COLOR]

Have you asked yourself or wondered why this is? The answer is simple: When there is an emotional connection between a couple, there are strong pheromones and "sparks" flying between them. In other words, we become aroused and excited to a much greater degree when the the company of a partner than when home alone. Masturbation is fun and fulfilling, yet we generally do not become as aroused nearly as much as when there is someone with us with whom we have an emotional bond.

A light touch by someone else will feel a lot more pleasurable and intense than when I do touch myself, this is something I'm noticing.[/QUOTE]

Asked and answered; however, having said that, and knowing that you are going to be much more aroused when he is with you, consider continuing to relearn how to touch yourself and respond to your lighter caresses when masturbating without him around. Yes, your reactions to the stimuli will be different, yet the techniques to arouse you will be much the same regardless of whether your fingers are involved or his.

To answer the question to why this form of intimacy is important is based on several things, but overall, touch builds trust and security...and plus there's something calming about be fondled. The natural feeling of touch is the biggest turn on and beautiful thing about being human.

Touch is the building block and foundation of intimacy...

Ok - throw away the vibrator.

Sex begins in the brain. Orgasms begin in the brain as well.

Relax. There should be no anxiety, no tenseness, nothing on your mind.
Relax all your body. Make sure you are physically comfortable.

Now imagine:

Lying on an inflatable raft, on the ocean, out beyond the waves breaking.
It is hot. The water is warm. The sun is blazing down. All is calm. There's a light breeze gently wafting.
Everything is soooo wonderful.

Keep this mood in your mind as you begin to caress yourself. You can imagine your bf's hands and body and lips against you. Then staying relaxed let the sensations run through your body and mind. Just like riding the ocean swells: see them coming, ride up and over, and then let them go.

For as long as you want.

EEK, I did try this yesterday...something did happen but I'm not sure if it's supposed to happen this way

Actually I envisioned and kinda mimicked the night of passion I had with my man prior to us dating now (anything that arouses, right?? :D) and I did ride my tides, on and off.

However, I don't think I had what would be typically seen as an orgasm (muscles contracting of that sort)

I think I felt something more, I felt the desire radiate through my body and overtake me. It felt like a ballooning pleasuring ache down in between my legs as if I was going to cum so I guess my instinct I was finally able to use my hands and for some reason the urge to push down.

Well, previously I could squirt only by stimulating the G-spot (not sure of it's existence at this point there was a recent study that proved that it's existence to be unfounded, but screw it, if I feel it, I feel it.:)) this was the first time I was able to squirt by clitoral means.

Well, you guessed it. There's a slew of questions that came up.

1. Is there really a difference between a clitoral or vaginal orgasm or is that a cruel game of guess and check by people who study this as a topic? :confused:

2. Is there anyway to train the brain to be able to both squirt while the muscles are contracting?

1. yes - there are some small distinctions but all are good.
2. yes - one can do both at once

The orgasm itself is the flexing of the pc muscle but as youhave discovered the entire experience is wonderful! The welling up of desire you felt was what I call "the blood singing in your veins".

Physiologically, they are undifferentiated. The orgasm is a release of tension of many muscles. The difference is how the muscles are stimulated to tension. There are those who say that wherever the direct stimulation is, it is transferred to the clitoris through movement of the various tissues in the vagina, labia, clitoral hood and others. This, however, cannot explain an orgasm resulting exclusively from rimming (which I love). So, back to the difference is through what is being directly stimulated. Yes, there can be different reactions from woman to woman and from orgasm to orgasm. Not significant.

Hey I am a 15 yro girl and I am a virgin and I rub my clitoris but I can't reach orgasm and I can't get myself to put even a finger in my vagina .. Is there something wrong with me ?? Can someone tell me if it would or would not hurt if I finger myself ?? I also have the urge to masturbate like every night in my room , I have a boyfriend and I want to have sex with him but I can't even get myself to finger my vagina how am I gonna have sex with him ??

Bryant- please, we have told younger women HOW TO many times before. Please read around and NO there is nothing wrong with you.