Hello Bob,

Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you will enjoy participating. Please begin by familiarizing yourself with the FAQs, the Posting Guidelines section, and especially the Index, all found at the top of the main screen. The Index contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles that discuss the most common questions and concerns people ask about. In addition, if you click on the site's Home Page you will find even more information.

I encourage her to read all of the articles in order to learn and expand the information that she already knows. Knowledge is empowering. When a person is reluctant to try things new and different it is usually a matter of:
A. having a poor body image
B. believing that having sex is "dirty" or wrong
C. not yet having trust and/or believing that her/his partner
finds them attractive.

As for (C.), I suggest trying new positions or activities in total darkness and over time adding light to the subject as she becomes more comfortable with the activity.

As for not being interested in positions other than the conventional Missionary, I recommend looking at the illustrated animated positions located on the site's Home Page. As you look at them, discuss each of them in order to help learn what her reluctance to try one or more is. Suggest trying one or more in the dark.

As for having an adverse reaction (feeling ticklish) to oral stimulation, this is usually a reaction to having it performed too soon. I recommend holding off until she is extremely aroused and nearing the brink of an orgasm--then begin to stimulate her orally.

Second, if your "touch" is to light, it can cause a tickling sensation. The fix is to use slightly more pressure. This works on the body's torso, like around the abdomen, for example, as well as on her genitalia.

In general, a person's inhibitions will be at their lowest the more aroused s/he is. This is why it is important to wait to introduce something new, or something your partner finds questionable until their defenses are at their weakest and the results of the stimulation is at their highest.

Lastly, when you do talk to her about a particular subject, do so at a time and place when the two of you are not about to become intimate, and, when there are no other distractions. Make certain your conversations are positive and anything but accusatory or negative. You are on a fact finding mission, as well as looking at and exploring the possibilities.

One question you can ask is about the Missionary position: What is it about this position that she finds acceptable, yet not so with some other arrangement of your two bodies? For most positions, there is no rational argument to be made. In other words, if she doesn't like this or that position, then why not the Missionary as well?

"Variety is the spice of life." If she is unwilling to try new and different things, then there is likely another issue--perhaps that she has learned wrongly so that sex is only for procreation and even then is entered into simply to satisfy those male urges. I dunno; you'll have to ask what is going on in her mind about all this.

If, as above, she is uncomfortable about letting you see her private parts, then she there is not much you can do unless and until she is willing to change her attitude about this and to lump her vulva into the same comfort level as letting you see some other generic body part. She may need to see a sex therapist; although if she is willing to read the articles and look at the illustrations, she should be able to find acceptance all on her own.

Please give these suggestions a try and report back on what you have encountered or accomplished. I hope this is of help. Got questions?

-doc

You're welcome, sir.

"C" is also bothering her, in that she believes so strongly in her own perception that anything you say is discounted or at least not believed.

* So, what reaction do you get when you tell her she is beautiful?
* What reaction do you get when you are caught admiring her from across the room (or up close)?
* What does she say/do when you tell her you like this or that about her (physically or behaviorally?
+ her breasts for example?
+ some other body part you do find particularly beautiful?

Making out underneath the blankets is over the top when you consider it is already dark. The same goes for taking a shower in the dark. (Do you ever take a shower or long leisurely soak in the bathtub together?)

Does she have legitimate reasons to be unhappy with her body, or is this simply a matter of perception? If there is and there is something she can do about it, like losing weight as an example, help and encourage her and then cheer her on. If weight does happen to be an issue, then check out Dr. Phil McGraw's weight loss books, or the new 17 day diet now being done on both his TV show and the Doctors TV show. (For more information, or if you or others are outside the U.S., Google his "Dr. Phil" TV show, and that of "The Doctors" for the books and the 17 Day Diet.)

If she simply has a nice body that she for whatever reason rightly or wrongly has one or more issues with, then perhaps she should seek counseling. It is natural for any of us to be unhappy about this or that part of our anatomy; however, when such concerns manifest themselves by hiding and minimizing what the love of our life is telling us, then this is something that should probably be dealt with professionally for your collective happiness. Does she recognize that her perceptions of herself and her reactions are not normal?

-doc