During the Katrina tragedy, I read the blog of a man who was in a building in the middle of the city and was posting hourly about everything as it was happening. He kept referring to his girlfriend and eventually in the midst of everything, she became his fiance. When things died down, I took the time to look through his user info and discovered that he was in his late 20s and his fiance was a 21 year old model. Then I found out that he was pretty proud of this fact and was in a community of older men who prided themselves on dating younger women. (Some made it a rule to not date any woman over 21) It bugged me a little and I brought up with a male friend of mine. He saw these men are heroes and hoped that he could be like that one day. He said he worked with quite a few older guys who were like this. I guess it's a lot more common than I had thought or hoped.
I tried to rationalize by saying that one day, the 21 year-olds wouldn't want these men and the women their own age wouldn't want someone that piggish by that time, and the men would die alone. (Assuming they aren't rich and get a young gold digger)
But it still bother me. I am in a secure, loving relationship that at this point is permanent. However, I still worry about if something should happen to my boyfriend and I have to date again. I turn 22 in three months. Does this leave me almost completely worthless? I am also just curious to hear some other thoughts on this, particularly from older men.
That's all personal choice.....what works for that dude doesn't apply to the rest of mankind...don't fret it bacchusella :).....carpe diem
You wouldn't have to look too far to discover that it works in reverse as well... there are any number of older women who prefer younger men. And younger men who prefer older women... and...
Ultimately, relationships are about people; they are not about age.
[QUOTE=WallyLlama]You wouldn't have to look too far to discover that it works in reverse as well... there are any number of older women who prefer younger men. And younger men who prefer older women... and...
Ultimately, relationships are about people; they are not about age.[/QUOTE]
Well, I wish it were about relationships. Unfortunately, it seems to be about having a trophy.
Why should that small age gap make a difference. My ex was 27 and i was 20 it was no different 2 dating someone the same age as me. I don't agree when it is a 16 or 17 year old being dated by someone much older but by the time your not a teenager a few years doesn't make a difference.
Not all men want a younger woman u have nothing 2 worry about. They are not all the same.
The point was that it was a RULE of theirs not to date anyone over 21...no matter how old they personally got.
I believe that would be called "closed-minded." LOL I'd recommend not dating anyone who had that rule! I seriously doubt that this "club" or whatever it is does NOT represent society at large.
Wally is so so right in his response to this thread. Relationships ultimately boil down to "people." Maybe, it is old fashioned to believe that true love can bridge any gap no matter how far or wide it is. To merely want a "trophy" is, In My Opinion, a tad bit shallow--- I have lots of "trophies" and over time they tend to tarnish. Perhaps, time would be better spent looking for a "love" that makes time stand still and one that has the power to light the world around them. I not sure that was the intended response that was desired when this thread originated.
Yep, I'm a little confused by this thread myself. LOL In the interest of adding to the confusion... the love of my life is considerably younger than I. While I didn't pick her because she's young and beautiful and... (insert all sorts of mushy stuff here) I guess I consider her something of a "trophy" in that she's a realy prize... a keeper... I'm proud of her and I hope she feels special!
Good For you Wally. If you are Happy and content then all is well in my book.
Maybe, it was me that added to the confusion of the thread and if so I apologize. I got off onto another subject entirely I do believe. Cheers to you Wally and I hope you are well.
FWIW, I'm 26 & my BF is almost 40.... There's something risky about it that makes it exciting & so far he seems to have the same kind of thought pattern as Wally -- it's quite lovely to know someone feels that way about you :) Age doesn't bother me any more than biracial, bisexual, etc. They're all AOK so long as no one feels abused :o
Yea, I think purposely targeting younger girls does make it more about having a trophy and less about enjoying the woman for who they are as an individual. I think this stems from low self-esteem. Some people feel the need to have a "trophy" BF or GF because that somehow makes them feel better about their own self-worth.
I've also seen the reverse situation, where younger girls purposely target older men because that's THEIR kind of trophy. An older "sugar daddy" who can buy them things, pamper them, etc. When I was in HS I was friends with a few girls who liked dating older men because they got a kick out of being the trophy, and also because older men could buy them alcohol and ciggarettes when they were underage. :rolleyes:
As far as age-gaps, I see nothing wrong with it, in any other context. I've always happened to date older men simply because I find more in common with them than guys my own age - but they don't treat me like some kind of trophy. I don't automatically exclude anyone as a potential partner just because of their age or appearance, or anything else. I get to know someone first and then decide from there.
I was about to post the very same reasoning well said
I believe it comes down to personality and how well you get along together. Age shouldn't play a huge part, but everyone has traits they are or aren't looking for, such as drinking, smoking, fitness level, etc.
Then there's the whole wanting to have children thing. Men in their 40's and 50's who want children HAVE to 'target' younger women.
In this case, these men are hunting for trophies and will find themselves disappointed soon enough when they get the visceral "you're old enough to be my dad" refusal.
I know this guy (I've refered to him before on here) that has this hangup about wanting to only date girls in thier 20s, he's in his late 40s. He's a real jerk in general and spends a lot of time buying drinks and making a fool out of himself. On the other hand, my GF is 43 & I'm 54. She's very pretty and makes me happy in a lot of ways. I don't know about the trophy deal but I do feel proud to be with her. We get teased accasionally about the age diff and it probably bothers me more than her. Personally, I can't imagine what I would have in common with a 21yo. I'm friends with a couple girls in thier early 30s and that's even a stretch. I read once that the reason older men are attracted to young women (besides the obvious phyisical attraction) is because the younger woman tend to be more naive and needy. This makes the man feel important and needed. Sort of the "father figure" thing. In turn a young woman could be attracted to the older man because he seems more experianced and worldly. Whatever the theory, I believe age is just a number and only the two people in the relationship can decide if it's right or not. Haveing said that though, I don't know what sort of conversation I could have with a 21yo girl besides the weather. Plus she would have her own group of friends, her own age, that I doubt I'd be comfortable with. I'm big into music. All you have to do is start talking rock bands with someone 20+ years younger and you'll quickly start to feel your age! LOL
does he stay hard--older man...some young guys premature ejaculate. no fun there
Hi - just joined. My husband and I have a pretty big age difference (same diff as my mother and me LOL): 33 years - I'm 34 and he's 67. We've been together 10 years or so and married for almost 3. When we got to the age question, I was 23 (lied saying I was 24 LOL) and he was 57, I believe AND GRAY (but he grayed early starting in HS/college). We really get some looks and I am the insecure one re comments and stares. I know I must be a catch on some level but he's a nerdy engineer-type and generally doesn't think 'that way'. We have an awesome relationship and communicate about everything. I am just now starting my sexual awakening, I think. Getting bored with the white bread tho we're not totally uncreative. Just ordered a couple of videos and awaiting their delivery!!! His experience and patience is well notices tho I haven't been with a guy my age since college. There is definitely added stability to our relationship via his maturity and life experience, which I feel and like. I can honestly say I feel loved and super happy - we just got a dog and now we feel like even more of a 'family'. He's all up for experimenting in the bedroom, I've just been the one slow to wake up to all of the possibilites... which I am looking forward to exploring.
Yes older guys can stay hard. BTW I only date older guys.
I am not interested in hearing "ewww you're old enough to be my mother!"