Ok This is strange so i am diving on in.
I am Married for one year now.
Before that my wife and I dated several years.
My Wife and I both waited until marriage.
My Wife had a bad expereance at a doctors visit in her late teens, and well since then has been very worried about sex.
she warned me that it will take some time but she is interested.
We fooled around a little using our hands, but no penatration.
after our wedding i talked her into going to a doctor agian for an exam, which she did. apearently her hymen is still very much intact and they had to refer her to a specialist.
He suggested using a dilater to get her Hymen stretched slowly.
He also suggested she take advantage of her "Alone time" to get accustomed to the Idea of Intercourse.
Needles to say She is very embarrassed by the whole situation.
I found out recently that she has never Mastrubated and has no idea what an orgasm is.
She is now 25 now its a year later.
Her Parents did a wonderful job being here and explaining things to her 
Things have gotten a little better and we are more comfortable together, Things are moving in a better direction
but she still hasnt followed the doctors advice and as of now there is almost no hint of a sex life between us.
I am not sure what to do. Every time we fool around and she does get Aroused she doesnt know what to do. She gets embarrassed and distant. Every once in a while i can feel her
relax and let go, but as soon as she feels herslf losing control
she stops and puts the wall back up. she just recently realised
she can have an orgasm without intercourse or even penatration, unfortunatly i think that scares her more.
It seems like i am painting a picture af someone who is emotionally still a young girl. but this is the onlyy aspect of her that is like that, she is very intelligent artistic and outgoing, so I never suspected that she was like this.
I love her more then anything in this world, and the Idea of a Marrage with her involing a near non existant sex life. is better then the best sex with out her. but still lately i wish we had more together our friendship is so strong I just wish our love life was also. I am afraid that passion he do have will slip away and we will just be friends.
I just dont know what to do next? I think she knows the next step is hers and she wont let me help.
She tells me she is worried I will leave her, even though I tell her i wont.
I am trying to get us in together to see Counseler, but i dont see that happening.
Iam stumped.
I am sure others have had problems,similar perhaps not this odd but similar.
what should she do? and how can I help?
Bare in mind she is easily embarrassed by this and sex discussions as a whole.
I just need some advice on where to go from here.
Thanks!
So much to be addressed. Her parents may have been there and have done a wonderful job of explaining things - ten years too late. Your patience is well beyond that which anyone can expect. Emotionally, she is still very young. 50% of all women become sexually active between their 18th and 20th birthdays. Your wife is more than a standard deviation above that and seems to be more fearful than most 15 year olds.
Physically, slow distention will work to open the hymen. A year is way more than needed. An alternative is a nick with a scalpel that gets this done in a few seconds. In her/your favor, she has evidently learned to masturbate. That is the best training ground.
I see nothing short of lon term therapy for her. All women have fears at many levels about their first time. To harbor those fears for all this time means they have gotten stronger and stronger. Find a female therapist well versed in sex therapies and give it a go. Do not expect rapid change.
As an afterthought: not the oddest sex issue ever seen.