My boyfriend of two years recently told me he isn't satisfied with our sex life. I'm 21, he's 24. I've only had one partner before him. He had several.
He said he wants me to be more active and into it...
the problem is I'm not sure what he means and he isn't sure what he wants. He told me "don't they say that stuff in the woman magazines" But I don't read those.
Now I normally give him a blow or hand job before sex.
During sex I move my hips back and fourth. I also caress his body during sex.
I tried to read through some of the posts and stickies but I'm not too sure exactly what he means by "active and into it" he claims I just lay there and that's it. We've tried all different types of positions.
I read the "The Program" and a few of the other stickies about the blow jobs and hand jobs but does anyone have any tips on what I can do to be more "active" during sex?
I already asked him what he wants and he said he doesn't know.
engine hoists? sounds like suspension bondage to me:)
suki - if he doesn't know and isn't into a lot of things - then perhaps he's even more confused than you are which explains why he's sending you out to do the work.
We're all so different, we each have such different likes and dislikes, there's ALWAYS learning involved. If you're not willing to educate with understanding, patience and respect, you're better off just taking matters into your own hands(pun intended), because you're the only one that you'll find to be good enough.
Thank you for your advice EvilEvilKitten and lnt1103! I will try to take the lead and see if that works for him! My only problem was he doesn't even know what he wants and he's not really into a lot of things...
That's when you need to get creative. Check out that website EEK posted. Just remember to go with whatever works. And I know that sounds pretty abstract and like a piece of nonadvice advice.
The thing is, this is not a concrete idea. It moves and flows with the desires and sensations you each experience. When T and I were first together, I would use this site to research tips and tricks, ideas to try on him, suggest them to him, and try to follow scripts on doing them. Then one night, (nothing against the site) he told me that the stuff that I was best at, what he loved the most, is the stuff that I just 'go for'...the stuff that pops into my own head and flows naturally. You have to go into this confidently enough to express what you want and just do things as they occur to you.
I was told the same thing by my ex, he would degrade how I would suck his dick, and told me countless times I was horrible and he had better, considering I was 20 and he was 25 when we met two and a half years ago. He was the first guy I went down on and I got fed up and we broke up. So overall don't feel bad, guys don't know how it is with girls and sex.
LOL more active eh? I hope he's ready for this - [url=http://www.wickedwomangroup.us]WickedWomanGroup - Go Get HIM, sister!!
BTW forget if he likes it, just make sure YOU like it and Go For It because that's really what he's asking for - he wants you to cut loose.
SOME girls, sexkitten - SOME girls. My reply to some guy complaining about my technique is to grrrowl at him, bare my fangs and pounce on his poor naked defenseless body and fuck him into the ground. They don't complain too much after that. For fear that I'll do it again.
My ex would degrade me and try to get me to have a threesome with him and a mutual girl friend of ours so I could get "lessons".
Yeah, that's when you kick him in the head and tell him that if he thinks you need lessons he should get the hell out and find someone he thinks would be better.
I would agree with EEK, he's asking you to get assertive. Instead of following his lead all the time, TAKE the lead sometimes.
[QUOTE=lnt1103;245649]Yeah, that's when you kick him in the head and tell him that if he thinks you need lessons he should get the hell out and find someone he thinks would be better.
I would agree with EEK, he's asking you to get assertive. Instead of following his lead all the time, TAKE the lead sometimes.[/QUOTE]
Oh I did more than kick him the head, I kicked his ass and told him to go fuck himself.
Amazing how many people expect first timers to be experts at anything sexual. People sexual prowess doesn't just come naturally - you do have to pay attention and work at it.
pros are made not born...
lnt1103 -I agree I like spur of the moment things a lot more. I wish he was like that with sex ha. I've always wanted to try role playing at least once so maybe I can get him to do that.
EvilEvilKitten - Yeah he is pretty confused. He's also very, very shy. It took two years just to get him into a jacuzzi with me without a suit on ha ha.
What we men want, or least this one:
1. Don't make us do all the work- that begins with seduction. Why should we
have to tell you every time we want to have sex? A normal sexually healthy
male is always ready for sex. You can be subtly seductive with the
sweet good girl sort of lingerie that places like Vicky's Secret and Fred's of
Hollywood sell or you can get some really dirty-sexy stuff.Another approach
that men like is the direct approach- because we understand it. Rip his
clothes off of him, or rip yours off and say forcefully "fuck me." You can
add "please" to the phrase and he will be happy to know that you need him
as much as he needs you.
2. Don't make us do all the work. Many men find positions in which the woman
lies on her back boring. Try woman on top positions. This can be him on his
back while you ride him. It could be him sitting and you sitting on his lap
and riding. If you do a woman-on-her-back position avoid the basic
missionary position. Try something with your legs up in the air
(you'll love it) or your legs wrapped around his waist or over his shoulders.
Do it on the edge of the bed, table or other piece of furniture, so he
stands on the floor. Get those legs up in then air; we men love that.
Try the worldwide favorite "doggy position." This is not simply about
him penetrating your vagina from behind. Whether you support yourself
on hands and knees (with your back fairly level) or whether you make a
make a pillow of your forearms and rest your head on them makes a
difference in what you each can do. In the first doggy pos. you can rock
back and forth to meet his thrusts and if he decides to take a rest you
can continue rocking and also grinding. This is much better than if you just
remain motionless. In the 2nd example of doggy pos. Your buttocks will
spread out really wide. This is good if he likes wide hips and large butts!
Your butt will be in the air and there will be a slope down to your head.
This looks sexy and inviting. While he has to do most of the thrusting
you work your PC muscle so that it feels like you are massaging or
sucking his penis with your vagina as he slides in and out. You'll both enjoy
the depth in this position.
check out some positions here:
http://www.sexinfo101.com/sexualpositions.shtml
3. Don't make us do all the work.We men enjoy having sex in places other
the bedroom. At some point in our lives we would settle for sex in the
bedroom, but would prefer it anywhere else. Seduce him (or order or beg
him to take you) in any part of the house that isn't the bedroom. The
garage is good. In the car. Outside; take the obvious precautions! Think
up exciting alternative places to have sex and that will thrill him as much
as any physical trick you could do while in the act!
4. Don't make us do all the work. Do some research yourself on
positions and techniques. There are many very good sex manuals
available. Buy one, read it and practice it from cover to cover-with
your boyfriend. It turns us on and satisfies us to know know that our
women enjoy and are interested in sex and are trying to make it better!
Those women's mags you mention have maybe three or four articles that
reprint in paraphrased editions ( so it looks like a different article) every
two to three months. They don't teach much and much of what they say
about how to please a man is not that pleasing.
Now before you think I am calling you lazy by repeating the phrase "don't make us do all the work" allow me to point out that young men often don't know what they want sexually, they just know they want variety. Some are good teachers, some are not. Some might be better students. While much of my sexual knowledge and technique comes from research and experimentation I initiated myself a large part also comes from what I learned from my partners- simply paying attention to what they could teach me by directly telling me or by observing their reactions.
Sometimes the woman needs to take the lead, so to speak. You have nothing to loose. Things will probably become more satisfying for you and your current guy and you will be better prepared for the next one.
Best wishes, and better sex!
dlb
dlb - have you READ the posted website AT ALL???
Because it basicly said what you just blasted us with and more that you did NOT say.
I was saying that he sent her out to do the work, because that's what he did. And since he's so shy - she has always done the work - remember the jacuzzi episode? Just the facts as presented. So are you getting your briefs in a twist for a reason? You've been really grumpy lately, dude.
What are you on about EvilEvilKitten? This is a forum. We come here to express our opinions in a peaceful and respectful way.
What I am on about is that YOU aren't reading everything with any comprehension lately so what's up?
BTW the garage isn't all that good of a place for sex - those engine hoists hurt and transmission fluid burns.
not suspension, hun - actually on the thing.
To each his or her own kink.
Your avoidance of actually answering my question has been noted.
Are you talking to me? Did you ask me a question? Real life has encroached upon me so I actually apologize to you if I am not up to my game at sarcastic banter and my ability to play Devil's Advocate to anything you say (even if I might agree) has been compromised by lack of time.
Have lovely week. Have an orgasm-OK I know you'll have several. Dedicate one to me.
Now I must run off to play Professor D.