Basicaly, i was reading around some of the treads about on the site and i came acros one that was about does the girl move during misionary, DancingDoc mentioned somthing on his reply about , thinking about it as more practise than performing...
When i have sex with my boyfriend his mind is set to orgasm, he MUST orgasm and he MUST orgasm quickly, when i try to slow him down he cant/doesn't and keeps going and sure enough, soon after he orgasms. for this reason we have only ever done mitioxperianceden i met him i wasnt very sexualy experianced and i feel as though on top i cant get the rythem and im really not satisfying him
one time we did try and i just got so self concious with him looking at me and me not doing it right it just ruined it so i lay down once again and he done most of the work.
so what im asking is is there a way i could slow him down? and maybe try practising being on top? its him being so agressive with it , with wanting to orgasm so bad, thats effectivly stopping me being able to try!
i just want to satisfy him, like he does me.
i apologise for the spelling thing in the middle, im not quite sure what went on there its meant to say,
"we have only ever done misionary. when i met him i wasnt very.....
etc.
Give him the ultimatum.
He either he slows down or he gets out.
Do you really wann be an unhappy woman stuck with a man who could care a less about your needs and is only in it for his?
Wait sorry misread your post. But still it stands.
It may not be a case of you cumming, but you should both be satisfied in the bedroom. If you want to try being on top tell him and do it. If he has a problem with it or complains then he is too immature for you to even bother with.
Neither of you know what you are doing. The nice thing about that is you can learn together! And have many happy experiences along the way. As you read around, you likely saw many posts on men being focused on the endd -orgasm; women focused on the getting there. Many young men seem very selfish until they learn what they are doing.
In your case, simply tell him that you want a turn on top. Then, make the most of it. Do not try to bounce up and down; none of us have legs that will last. Lean forward onto the mattress or his chest and establish a rocking motion. Read up on the position.
Then talk to him about what you need as opposed to his rushing to orgasm. If he wants to learn, fine; if not, move on. Sex is a contact sport but it is not competitive. It is cooperative.
No, no, Ducy, not this time. While ultimatums are suggested from time to time, I do not believe this is what is called for with this couple.
My guess is that this young buck lacks insight and knowledge regarding how to make love and how to express that love. This is a matter of enlightenment on his part that he has to recognize as missing in his skill set and to be open and willing to learn something that benefits her and ultimately him as a result. [COLOR="Lime">Teaching is why this site exists[/COLOR]. So, Rose, talk to the lad.
> DancingDoc mentioned somthing on his reply about , thinking about it as more practise than performing...
Typically, a guy views "performing" as having to be perfect in what and how he does things, yet knowing that he cannot be at a certain point in his level of experience, will try and get out of doing whatever it is rather than do what he considers as making a fool of himself or not doing well enough to satisfy his partner making her unhappy, etc., etc. "Practicing" means he can do just that and if mistakes happen, no big deal. He just dusts himself off so to speak and continues on because he is not under any pressure to be perfect. This is a mind game that is brought on by our Fragile Male Egos that tells us we must be "perfect". The pressure and angst comes from knowing he isn't. What he must understand is "so what!"--practice, practice, practice, and you will get better.**
> his mind is set to orgasm, he MUST orgasm and he MUST orgasm quickly
Yes, I know..... He just needs to understand the step-by-step process in the art of making (and expressing) love. He is not to be faulted for his lack of understanding, and only if he is too stubborn to expand his knowledge.
Truth be told, he does not have to climax quickly. Most likely it is his arousal level that is driving him to and this is the same sense of urgency that must be controlled when dealing with Premature Ejaculation.
> what im asking is is there a way i could slow him down?
Absolutely, positively, indubitably, yes, you can. Please read this article on controlling PE. (Although he does not appear to suffer from this problem, the fix is the same.) It is one of the many articles listed in the Index.
In addition to the two methods described in the article, you can interject one or more pauses in the proceedings when giving him a hand job and/or oral stimulation. Let him cool down as he slides back down his arousal curve with each pause. When his sense of urgency subsides you can begin stimulating him, again. (DO NOT, prolong this stage too long or you will frustrate him and make him mad.) You can read all about arousal curves in Chapter Four of this article.
Just scroll down thru the chapters until you get to this one.
A fact of life that he might not have discovered yet is in delaying his climax and prolonging all the fooling around that precedes an orgasm, not only extends his pleasure, it will also drive him wild with desire, anticipation, and expectation. Working together, these will intensify his climax! (He has much to look forward to, so try taking control of the situation a little bit here and a little bit there during a session.)
If you have been stimulating him by hand and mouth and also want to prolong the love making session, then let him climax this way. After climaxing he will enter his "refractory period" and will not be able to climax again for between ten and thirty minutes, depending upon his age, how many climaxes he has already had w/in a 24 hr. period, and, how he is "wired". Spend this time making out, enjoying one or more orgasms yourself. Once he is good to go, again, you can then begin intercourse if you want, or, continue the Foreplay--whatever you desire. Having an orgasm before intercourse WILL slow him down. So, you have a variety of options at your disposal and can implement one or more and vary the ones you do use for variety.
Next in the game plan comes etiquette. A wise, compassionate, caring, skilled lover will attend to his lover's pleasure and satisfaction first, and last (if it is her desire). Your guy must understand a very important rule of the road and that is he should help you have a climax, first, before any he will enjoy later, and then one last one at the end of the session, if you want it. Because very few positions place your pieces-parts in constant contact with his body, what a skilled and caring lover will do is to reach around and stimulate you by hand while stroking away. Please encourage him to stimulate you manually and/or orally one or more times before engaging in intercourse.
> i feel as though on top i cant get the rythem and im really not satisfying him
Oh, parish the thought! Reread what I said above about "performing" and "practicing". Making love is a partnership. If you explore and learn together and have fun in the process, being perfect should not become an issue. Click on the link to the Home Page and then click on the link to the "Cowgirl" positions. See the different variations and watch the animations.
Now, let me ask a question: Did you ride a bicycle perfectly with no wobbling and no falling down the first few times when you were learning? Probably not. The same holds true for learning anything new. Just continue to practice! You will become better. Making love is serious business, however, you should not take it so seriously that you do not leave room for flubs and foibles.
Some positions are more stimulating and/or more enjoyable to one or the other partner than others. They just are. As such, some will provide more stimulation to one or the other of you or both of you. Talk about this after trying each one a few times.
> i just got so self concious with him looking at me and me not doing it right it just ruined it
Please read and reread this reply a few times. Relax and enjoy the "ride". Sometimes the path will be rough, sometimes smooth. **The journey is not always about the destination but the view along the way. Think about this.
I understand about being self conscious or timid. If you are uncomfortable being gazed upon by your lover, close the blind or turn out the light. In time, you will enjoy gazing at his body and will not be uncomfortable as he enjoys the sight of you. Remember, when we fall for someone, we do so hook, line, and sinker--including all the warts. So, if find a part of your body not to your liking, keep it to yourself, all the while knowing that he made the commitment long before to accept you as is including the parts as yet unseen.
> its him being so agressive with it , with wanting to orgasm so bad, thats effectivly stopping me being able to try!
Please tell me if I am right or wrong: many fellas nowadays have the mistaken and misguided belief that the best or only path to a climax during intercourse is from lots and Lots and LOTS and LOTS of stroking and pounding away for a long time. Is this what he is doing? If so, he has the proverbial cart before the horse; in other words, he is going about things backward and simply--wrong. This is the purpose of Foreplay {hand and/or oral stimulation) plus all the making out {Necking, Petting, and, Heavy Petting) that should have preceded it.
He should have nearly reached the point of no return before beginning intercourse. Stroking and thrusting should last no longer than about ten minutes. If you want to go longer, then repeat some of the above.
As for being stopped, yourself, this has more to do with him not focusing on you and your needs; the two of you need to work together, and you need to communicate what you need and desire. [COLOR="DarkOrange">This is not all about him to the exclusion of you. [/COLOR]Communicate. Remember [COLOR="DarkOrange">this is a partnership.[/COLOR] So, while there can be a bit of A and then B of something, there should be some AB, also.
One of the great reasons for using the Cowgirl (Woman Superior) position is because it places you in complete control.
* You control when P and V join
* You control how slow or fast he enters
* You control when stroking begins
+ how slow or fast stroking proceeds
* You control his speed of arousal and timing for a climax to a great extent
+ when to pause or speed up
* You control your own stimulation, arousal, and when your climax will occur
Lastly, please show him this thread, Brandye's thoughts, and then begin reading the articles in the Index. Both of you need some sex ed. and this is exactly why this site exists.
Got questions?
GET AGGRESSIVE, dammit!
It is YOUR body he's messing with - OWN it and tell him, after boxing his ears, to SLOW DOWN. Ok, ok maybe not that aggressive but face it - if you don't tell him strongly enough, he doesn't listen - so make him listen - buck him off if you have to. Or afterwards get up and say something like "I have got to get me a lover who listens to me." as you stalk disgruntled to the bathroom remembering to slam the door on your way in.
"What's the matter, baby?"
"I am a woman and not some masturbation tool for you to pound away at until you get off. Either make love to me or go jerk off by yourself."
Really, $^$# his "fragile ego" because if you don't tell him he sucks, then he'll go through life disappointing woman after woman and he'll be aged 40 wondering what in the hell he's doing wrong, because no woman had the kindness to tell him.
Stop lying to him (and to us) - he doesn't satisfy you at all and you think that is YOUR fault, when it is his.
Read The Program, print it out and hand it to him. Tell him he's got to keep his erection for 4 hours and get ALL of it done and it had better take all of 4 hours to get it all done. *evil grin* "Let's see what you can REALLY do, baby." BTW if he says no man can do that - trust me - he's soooo wrong! Men aged 50 have no problem at all doing that and if my teddybears can do it, then your buckaroo should be able to do it too.