hey everyone, im having an issue...
my Fiancee and i have been having sex for a while now, and the entire time he always gets these indredible orgasms, and i get nothing. i cant seem to orgasm no matter what he or i do. the only way i can orgasm is woth a vibrator and i really dont like having to use a toy. i enjoy being that close with him. it's not that i dont enjoy our sex, its just that i dont get the feeling that i want from it. and there doesnt seem to be any thing that he can do about it to help.
sometimes i just get so frustrated that i dont get the feeling and release that i need...it just makes me not want to have sex at all...idk what to do about this...any suggestions?
Can I ask have you ever had an orgasm with someone else?
no i havnt. the only person other than my fiancee that i have been with pinned me down in the back seat of his van. but no i have never had an orgasm with another person.
We really have gone into this rather extensively in other threads.
I suggest you read them.
Yes this has been gone thru in many threads. My idea is the next time you are horny it's only you, that way you may find what gets you there without having to think about him.
I just responded to justcurious on a thread entitled I just don't like it. This was the response and it applies equally to you:
The brain is the most important erogenous organ in the body. It does not sound like you have any specific physiological issue but all women should have a gyn exam before becoming sexually active. If you have not had one, see your doctor. This should be discussed with her. (Yes, I have a preference for female gyn's and go to a woman myself. No reflection on male gyn's; just my preference)
There is a critical question. Have you learned to masturbate to orgasm? There is a correlation with age at beginning of masturbation and later sexual satisfaction. These, of course are self-reported but the correlation is strong. Once a woman masturbates successfully, she know what she is working towards, gains insight into what is pleasing and is more sexually confident with partners.
Recognize that about a quarter of all women never, or rarely, experience orgasm; about the same percentage regularly reach orgasm through penetration and thrusting. That leaves about half of us who require additional stimulation - oral, digital, self-digital. Some over time move from one category to another. The eldest patient I have had reach her first orgasm was 54. I have had a few thirty-something mothers who reached orgasm for the first time.
Recognize that whilst seemingly automatic for men, we women actually need to learn orgasm. Nature does not care whether or not we reach orgasm because ours is not required for pregnancy.
The book Our Bodies Our Selves is a good, albeit dated, starting point. Learn how your body operates. If you want ideas on masturbation, try clitical.com along with many postings on this site. You were not able to stay upright your first time on a bicycle and our sexual response is much more complicated than riding a bike. Do not give up; learn about your body; discover your own body; then, go forth and enjoy yourself (safely).
i have had lots of orgasms on my own. its not my ability to orgasm in general thats bothering me. its just that we both want to enjoy the sensation together and we dont know how to achieve it.
and i have noticed that i only have an orgasm if we use a vibrator..is that common? what can we do to change my dependancy on the vibe?
Stop using the vibe, see the sticky post entitled The Program and do it. Relax relax relax your body, clear your mind, and think ONLY that this man will please you. BREATHE deeply and calmly and just roll with the feelings as they come. Forget shyness, forget fear, forget anxiety - let it all go!
Seriously: that is about it.