Next: If you are new & have no experience (Pt. 2 of HELP! S/He is more EXPERIENCED!

[moderatorIII]

This is Part 2 of Chapter 5. To read it, click here.


Next: It's not necessarily a guy thing:

What if you are new and have no experience?

If you are a guy who happens to be shy or uncertain about making the first move, know that this is OK. My suggestion is to "get a grip" by first reading the articles in the Index under the heading:

A COUPLES GUIDE TO MAKING OUT
The Beginning-

Making love is not what we do to each other, it is what we do with and for each other in partnership; therefore, either one of you can make the first move. In the overall scheme of things, guys usually initiate making out, so if you are inexperienced, use the technique of "Implied Consent" within her personal "boundaries". {Click link and scroll down to the bottom of Chapter 3.)

Begin with a kiss, and perhaps an arm around the shoulder, and take your cues from how she reacts as you follow the steps prescribed.
Never, ever, demand or push beyond what she is comfortable doing.

Even if you are nervous as heck, you have three options:
1. Do nothing
2. proceed in small steps gaining confidence as you go,
all the while taking your cues from her reactions
3. admit to being nervous and then proceed as noted, above

Explore and learn together! one step at a time. Just as discussed in the article about "Kissing and Caressing", if either of you is hesitant about making the first move toward real intimacy, how your actions will be received, "how fast do I go", etc., please keep the following in mind: "Making love" is different than "having sex" even though the destination may be the same. During the early stages of a relationship and when just getting to know each other and being comfortable in each other's arms, DO NOT make a mad dash to the finish line! Decide what the destination shall be then take your sweet time getting there. If the destination is simply "Necking" and making out, then there will be no rush to go further. If the destination is "Heavy Petting", then, again, take your time getting there? Why? AROUSAL. You want to build each other's level of arousal, excitement, sexual tension, and, anticipation. Similarly, if the destination is Foreplay {a h/j and/or b/j) or intercourse, it is poor form and bad practice for a guy to begin by planting a few kisses, grabbing a breast, and then struggling to get into her panties. Take your time. Take half an hour or more going from Necking to Petting to Heavy Petting to Foreplay. Why? Here is some copy from the article on kissing and caressing as written primarily for the woman; guys, take note:

"Before you ever (partially) undress, and before he begins to touch your genital area, you should be very aroused. This is accomplished by spending a lot of time kissing and fondling and caressing and just making out. Devote no less than half an hour to necking and petting (more within reason if time permits) in order to get both of you very aroused. Do not rush to the finish line. There has been much mention of late about foreplay yet as important as this is, these activities come later, not sooner.

These physical activities have some benefits as well as being critically important for the sake of preparation.

* gets your body physically prepared
* gets you in the mood, emotionally
* helps temper anxiety
* helps sidetrack inhibitions

Consider letting him explore your breasts and later your genitals though your clothing before ever partially undressing."

The end result is that you curb inhibitions while building confidence, and each other's level of arousal. This won't happen if you believe the way to an orgasm by whatever means is to quite literally "jump her bones".

"When you do begin to disrobe, take it in stages. As examples, let him begin caressing your breasts in passing while fully dressed. As you become more aroused, one or the other of you can unfasten your top or let him slip a hand from the bottom up or the top down if it is a pullover in order to fondle one or both through your bra--and perhaps slip a finger inside. Later, when comfortable with this level of intimacy, you can unfasten the bra and let it dangle. After dangling for as long as you need it to--remove it.

This same strategy works below the belt, also. Let him approach your genital area with passing caresses from the abdomen down to the pubic mound or from a thigh inward. He should not dally, just give fleeting grazes as his fingers move on to other areas. At some point (read: days or minutes into an event) he will want to linger around that area and caress it more. Let him when you are ready. If you are wearing a skirt or shorts that permit fingers to trace up a leg, then let these caresses become ever bolder over time. You most certainly do not have to part your legs or allow him to until you are comfortable with the idea and are physically and emotionally prepared by all that has come before.

When you are ready, let him explore your pubic area and later the crotch, through your panties. He won't feel much and you may or may not, either; yet what this is doing is building confidence, comfort, excitement, anticipation, and arousal--and in stages."

Please click on the link, above, and read the remainder of the article for more on what to do at the "destination".

If you believe that you are ready to explore intercourse, please read the articles under the heading SEX e.g. INTERCOURSE in the Index.

I hope this is of help. After reading the articles, please do not hesitate to ask questions.

[KellyAnntx]

What does someome who is new and have no experience, do they print this out, and than make a list...give me a break. "Whay will be, Will be" you don't have to have to have the Worlds knowledge at hand, on a list of things to do..I think you mean well, but you are over killing here....

[dancingdoc2]

Originally Posted by KellyAnntx

Mature men have always made me crawl the wall, seems to me they should teach the guys that have no clue, and teach them their technigues.

Originally Posted by KellyAnntx

What does someome who is new and have no experience, do they print this out, and than make a list...give me a break. "Whay will be, Will be" you don't have to have to have the Worlds knowledge at hand, on a list of things to do..I think you mean well, but you are over killing here....

Thank you, Kelly, for the critique. Your second post seems to contradict your first from a month ago. (Am I missing something?)

I've been doing advice columns for nearly ten years, here, and on other venues. Here is a partial list I've learned about reader behavior:

1. People have short attention spans and do not read lengthy articles.
Many people no longer spend time reading newspapers or books, preferring their information be delivered to them in TV news 30 second type segments!
2. Many people ask a question then never follow up when asked for additional information.
3. Other people reading the article have the same or similar problems.
4. Many people ask questions that have been asked and answered numerous times, yet expect a personal albeit duplicate response.
5. More often than not newcomers jump right in posting a question before taking the time to learn how to use the facility or check for existing answers or solutions.

This is my short list. #2 & #3 are why I often compose lengthy replies. I discovered years ago that those of us choosing to post a reply often only get one shot. Because of this I decided to provide background information, also. This may or may not help the o/p, yet very often will be of help to other people also reading the thread. It helps me, personally, by not having to go back later and provide additional content for the person who is interested and wants more information.

#1 Often just stating what to do is not as beneficial as it could be by providing the "why", for doing thus or such; or, for "why" things are as they are, also.

Bottom line: Short or long attention span; willingness or not to provide additional information in order to help provide a better reply; providing additional information for all concerned; I expect whoever is interested to take only what information they need from the total and to skip over the rest.

If ever you do let me know, and I'll bring along my Video camera...

For this venue, perhaps only a notepad if need be....

(Thanks Mod3 for posting Pt. 2 and assisting with the online editing.}

-doc

[stary5]

I want to find a guy who will unmask my uninhibited side. Make me experience a whole new world of sex. I want to be shown slowly how incredible it can get.A first timer here.

[dancingdoc2]

Your desire can often be a fantasy. The reason for this site is to impart knowledge. Many many fellas young and old do not know how.

My recommendation is for everybody to read all of the articles listed in the Index, to discuss the information (if dating) and to add the information to what you already know.

Next, explore and learn together in partnership. Develop your own unique approach.

[Stepanie]

Love these tips, these tips would be very useful to the nerdy guys or the guys that are too shy or their first time in doing it.

[cico187]

These tips will come in very handy, I have now absorbed this vital information for better love making.

[college sweetie]

I am a first timer, and my boyfriend has a few years of experience. He is sweet and understanding. He was the one who said that i should read these tips to know what i am going to get myself into, and i have found out that these tips are very helpful.

[Bajie007]

Anyone have one of these?

[LIL.HORNY.DEVIL]

Can anyone give me advice as my bf has got alot of experiance but i dont as i have never had sex before but my bf said that i should start playing wiv myself then we should go abit futher wiv the idea but i really want to have sex but i cant find the confidence in myself can anyone really help me xxxx <3