Need advice on a first timer

[pai]

I'm exhausted, its late, but I want to get this down while its fresh in my mind. I've just had a lovely 4 hour conversation with a guy I've been trying to get to know, and its brought up more questions than its answered.
I'm 27, he is 24. I've had 4 partners and 1 long term relationship and misc fooling around with probably 10 more. Experienced, basically. He has had nothing. One casual girlfriend when he was in high school, but they never got very far.
He doesn't seem like his self esteem or confidence is lacking, or if it is he fakes it extremely well. He is brilliant, fascinating, attractive, and I could easily fall head over hells in love with him, if he would let me. But hes very hard to read and hard to get to know. God I'm rambling.

Point of question. He is a virgin, I am not. I have NEVER been the more experienced, and I tend to be submissive and easily led and dominated in the bedroom. Obviously in this case there will need to be a role reversal for me. How do I handle this? And what are some things I can do to teach him or basically be a good first lover? (Campsite Rule) I'm not terribly patient and I'm not a good teacher in other areas of my life, and I don't want to be cruel by accident

Amanda

[Brandye]

With an erect penis in the area, we woman are always in control. So, you have been dominant even when you thought yourself to be submissive.

He will learn fast. Most men grasp the basics pretty quickly. The trouble is that few get beyond the basics competently. Do not have high expectations but make clear what you want him to be doing. Get a copy of the Joy of Sex and read it (bit by bit) together. You shall both be learning.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Please find, read, and then do the two sticky posts entitled Body Worship and The Program.

[CLVR-HNDS_GUY]

i find with people who arent sure with sexual things is to work with them and do things slowly to which they are comfortable to do.
i have a female friend at the minute who i hang with and she talks to me about anything and ask different questions.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Hence the advice to read those two articles that deal with what to do.

[pai]

Small update.... we got together last night, no sex yet, just a lot of fun and fooling around. I'm kind of thinking he lied about his experience, but never having been with a virgin, what would I know? Hes very very good in the bedroom, a great kisser, seems to know exactly what to do without any help from me. Is this level of confidence and skill possible in someone who has merely read up on the subject?

[dancingdoc2]

Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you enjoy participating. Please begin by familiarizing yourself with the FAQs, the Posting Guidelines section, and especially the Index, all found at the top of the main screen. The Index contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles that discuss the most common questions and concerns people ask about. If you click on the site's Home page you will find even more information.

I recommend that the two of you read this article, first:

HELP! S/He is more EXPERIENCED! To which I say:

Next, go to the Index and begin reading all of the articles under the heading of making out. Go to the library or your bookseller and get the book Brandye recommends, also. The two of you can read all of the information separately or together, after which discuss what you have learned. Knowledge is empowering.

[Wrave]

Originally Posted by pai

Small update.... we got together last night, no sex yet, just a lot of fun and fooling around. I'm kind of thinking he lied about his experience, but never having been with a virgin, what would I know? Hes very very good in the bedroom, a great kisser, seems to know exactly what to do without any help from me. Is this level of confidence and skill possible in someone who has merely read up on the subject?

Odds are he has been reading up on the subject because as guys we are not gonna lie about that sort of thing.

I myself am a virgin and thanks to the miracle of the internet, I have been able to girls go wild when they are getting off or just by talking to them and tell them to try certain things.

I think being a virgin helps in those situations because its trial by fire.

[Humble]

Originally Posted by pai

Small update.... we got together last night, no sex yet, just a lot of fun and fooling around. I'm kind of thinking he lied about his experience, but never having been with a virgin, what would I know? Hes very very good in the bedroom, a great kisser, seems to know exactly what to do without any help from me. Is this level of confidence and skill possible in someone who has merely read up on the subject?

I also don't think he has lied about it - it seems unlikely, since that is something most men would be reluctant to admit rather than brag about. Unless, of course, you indicated that you would prefer a virgin so he lied to "get to you", but from what you are writing that too seems unlikely.

Besides, he might be a virgin in the sense of not ever having sex, but that doesn't mean he hasn't kissed before and fooled around. He might have extensive experience in that, yet be a virgin in the strict sense of not having had vaginal intercourse.

As to your question if such confidence and skill is possible in somebody who has not had any experience (but as I pointed out your boyfriend has likely had experience, just not going all the way...), I suppose anything is possible, even if it is very unlikely. That said, Wrave has a point about the internet vastly increasing accessibility to information. I too am a virgin and although I haven't driven any girl 'wild' like he has, I would nonetheless like to think that I have a fairly decent amount of theoretical knowledge by now (at least as far as virgins go).

Of course, the internet and other information sources only provide the theory, whereas practice is a different matter, but the information still gives the potential for even somebody with zero experience to be at least theoretically much more knowledgeable than it would have been possible without access to such information. It seems highly unlikely that this would translate into practice without a great deal of initial fumbling, but it is difficult for me to say for certain on account of also being a virgin. Still I would imagine, it would be difficult at first despite knowing the theory - after all, even you know a lot about tennis and have studied tennis extensively, if you have never played it, you will be terrible at first, regardles of whether you know the theory or not. Again, this leads me to believe that your boyfriend is a virgin in the sense of not having had actual sex, but has had sexual experience, such as kissing and fooling around, so if you think that no longer makes him a virgin (I suppose the definitions vary) than he most likely isn't one.

[pai]

Thanks for the replies so far everyone, I'm still reading through some of the stickies here

We will probably have sex tomorrow and, for some reason, *I* am having second thoughts... I like him and want to, but it being his first I just feel like he should be doing it with someone more.... special. We are just casual friends and aren't that close. This might be the girl in me speaking but will he regret this later? Or is it just his call and I should keep my nose in my own business?