Need advice on a first timer

[EvilEvilKitten]

TSK! - trust me on this - you are SPECIAL and HE will think so too. ALWAYS.
That you care enough to want to make this a good experience for him speaks well.

Honey, you're just fine!

[pai]

Bumping this to get another question possibly addressed

We still haven't had sex, but I've spent several nights at his house and we get along pretty well and fool around. I haven't met any of his friends, just spoke with his best friend via IM and that went ok. Not great. I think I have his best friends "approval" so to speak

I'm completely and utterly madly in love with this guy, but am naturally pretty guarded so its pulling me in two directions. So far things have been VERY casual. More a fuckbuddy situation than anything. How do I bring up the subject of a solid relationship, when we aren't even approaching that, and we haven't even had sex? Am I overreacting in wanting to move so fast? Hes so hard to read in how he acts... we hold hands in public (he initiates) yet I've never met any of his friends or family, and we hang out once a week mostly, but when I am there he begs me not to go (hence why I end up spending the night). What is this?

[EvilEvilKitten]

Okay, but it is a bad sign that he's not introducing you to his friends.

I'd recommend NOT sleeping over at his place. You've spent enough time with him at this point for him to be comfortable with you. You can say that you'd "better not stay over because of what you might do."

Then see what he says.

But until he begins introducing you to his friends, forget anything about having a relationship.

[pai]

Because of what he might do? I don't understand that part

[Humble]

Originally Posted by pai

Because of what he might do? I don't understand that part

I think EvilEvilKitten meant that as a trick question that you should ask.

In any case, it could also be that he doesn't have many friends to introduce you to. This would be rare in a normal case, but you said that he was a virgin and many males who are virgins are also rather isolated socially, so it is not out of the question.

Also, somebody who is socially isolated does not necessarily give out the anti-social vibe. I am a case in point. You would not be able to tell that I am a virgin or that I am pretty reclusive if you met me or even if you knew me in a casual manner (obviously if you knew me pretty well that would be a different matter). Perhaps your boyfriend is similar.

As to the strange (for you) behavior that he exhibits, it could simply be that being a virgin, he doesn't know what the proper 'etiquette' is to take things to the next level. I sure wouldn't know how to properly proceed to 'further levels' if I had a girlfriend - your boyfriend's case may be the same. Holding hands might simply seem an innocent enough way for him to show affection for you, yet not ruin anything by making inappropriate moves or by making appropriate moves but badly or at a wrong time. Remember that he probably doesn't have any experience in this, so what is weird for you is just new to him and he might not know how to proceed even if he desires a deeper relationship.

[EvilEvilKitten]

NOT HIM, because of what YOU might do. That is to say that YOU might lose control and just throw yourself at him and take advantage of him in some torrid passionate romp.

DUH!

Keep up!

This isn't rocket science. Here you are accepting crumbs from him while he withholds from you what you want - intimacy. If you want him to stop withholdng, you have to stop accepting crumbs.

[pai]

I'm not stupid, it just didn't make much sense. And I don't think you really have a handle on whats going on here, he isn't withholding anything. We haven't discussed anything for him to be withholding, and we barely know each other, so I'm not even sure if relationship status should be discussed when things are so new (which was my question, kinda)

[EvilEvilKitten]

I know precisely what is going, or rather, not going on. You two are dancing around eachother and not effectively communicating because each of you is unsure of the other.

So, to stop the dancing around and around, and to make him come clean about what he wants, you stop dancing first and be prepared to walk away.

You're not being stupid, you're simply not listening.

"How do I bring up the subject of a solid relationship, when we aren't even approaching that, and we haven't even had sex? Am I overreacting in wanting to move so fast?"

and "He's so hard to read.."

Oh, and withholding - well, let us know when he finally lets other people know you're his gf. Until then, yeah, he's withholding.

One of you has simply got to stop being so 'guarded' and shy and just come on out. That means it is either you or him. Who do you want to have to go first?