Am I conditioned this way... Or is there something wrong?

[SlyBriGuy1387]

I'm a 22 year old who just started my sex life a year and a half ago. Before that I masturbated on a regular basis for 10 years (roughly 5 or more times a week). I'm having troubles maintaining an erection throughout intercourse. I have read several of the threads on the subject, and I believe that my problem stems from my mindset. There are certain times where I become unbelievably turned on, and in those situations I can perform no problem. However, even after an hour or so of making out, fondling, etc, I rarely achieve this state. I would like to emphasis that I can get an erection as long as constant attention is being paid to "little me", but once I am inside of her it seems like the sensation is not enough to keep me at attention. So I guess I'm wondering if there are any tips to address my mindset problem... I don't lack confidence, and I don't have performance anxiety, so is there help?

I think it would be relevant to explain an experiment I have recently tried to clarify my concerns. I stopped masturbating for 2 weeks, and I had no sexual contact during that time. I figured that I would be horny after the time period and that my performance would be enhanced solely by my pent up sexual needs. However, it seems like desire from deprivation wasn't enough, since the problem still persisted. Even more troubling is that during my 2 weeks of deprivation I never got an erection! I would watch stimulating videos, but I made sure not to touch myself. Did I condition myself with masturbation? And will my sex life suffer because of it? Finally, if I have conditioned myself, then is there a way to fix it? Thank you so much to anyone who has lasted this far into this topic! You have the patience of a saint! =)

[pinkFlames]

If you have conditioned yourself, you can uncondition yourself. This may take a lot of time and patience on the behalf of your girlfriend and yourself.

It is possible too, that you have more performance anxiety than you are consciously aware of.

[theus]

SlyBriGuy I agree with pink flames... You may have some performance anxiety... It takes time and a considerate partner.... I was so nervous the first few times I had sex I never came.... I was able to please my ex. However it took a while for me to truly gain confidence in my sexually abilties... There are many things a man must learn when he becomes sexually active and they are often understated...... Make sex as much fun and as erotic as possible. It may help to have your partner ride you and stimulate you by kissing you ears or neck..

[sania]

If you have habit of mastrubating, one thing you can try. Since you have a girl with you now, dont do it. Let her do it for you. Let her give you a handjob( Perhaps she knows how to do it ). Let her do it orally. Slowly change your habit of doing it yourself to doing it together. Slow she will make you do everything.

[EvilEvilKitten]

If your form of masturbation was lying face down and humping then sorry but you're SOL and will have to get pro medical help to solve the issue.

Otherwise, you're just going to have to "sensitize" yourself. This will take time, patience, and a skilled lover

Several exercises for you to try:

1. Wear a blindfold and try feeling your way using your penis to her G-Spot - no hands and no eyes. Focus, baby! It can be done.

2. Do your kegels.

3. Lie there and let her do all of the work. You are not allowed to move or to complain. All you get to do is to feel and make "positive" noises.

Think you can do those?

[terey]

Masturbation will only do two things, give you a release, and cause it to take longer when you do have sex with a partner for you to climax. I believe your placing way to much improtance on your need for a climax over the fact that your having good sex, and with a partner. If she and you are having "a good time" that is what counts, as much as you try she is not going to have a climax everytime either, no matter how good you are, thats a fact of life. What is it they say ""......." is the spice of life" try somethime new or different. The more stressed you become about it the more likely it will continue, remember what sex is susposed to be about, destressing, relaxing, enjoying youself and the person/s your with. Also I use a quick short work out each morning, for men it keeps the testicals working and making the male hormones that help make us guys virile

[SlyBriGuy1387]

Ok then there's hope! I just hope that it doesn't take another 10 years!

[SlyBriGuy1387]

pink and Theus: I think that if I do have performance anxiety, then it may stem from what I think my partner wants. She feels bad that she has been unable to make me come consistently, and she attributes that to her own performance. However, it hurts me to see her blame herself, so I might end up rationalizing that there's something wrong with me so that I can tell her that she's the "normal" one.

[SlyBriGuy1387]

Sania: I've definitely tried that, and it works fine. I can come if she gives me a handjob, but that's mostly because she can keep teasing me with light touches to keep me erect(it really turns me on when she tickles my shaft). However, my problem still persists during sex, since I don't get that kind of stimulation...

[SlyBriGuy1387]

EvilEvilKitten: looks like I'm not SOL!

I like the blindfold idea! But I'm more skeptical that I'll be able to feel her g-spot with my penis. Do I just keep maneuvering around until I feel a change in the texture of the tissue or until she screams "That's it!!!" Also, I'm wondering what the exercise will accomplish?

Do kegels increase blood flow? I do have a development I should tell you about! Yesterday I watched some videos and performed kegels until I was fully erect(i didn't touch myself at all), and it was probably one of the hardest erections I've had in awhile! Also, when I came it was probably one of the best I've had... Maybe the kegels combined with my determination to get erect without touch got me into that rare mindset I was looking for?

I think I can lie there and take it =P I think the hard part will be the feeling though... I gotta get my body really sensitive or at least get my mind in touch with my body... Any tips for that, or I guess I could wing it!