I (we) need help getting started...

[sprtskhne33]

Ok here is the game plan. First off we really haven't had "sex" but foreplay we have such as oral ways such as BJ's and "licking" her. We have decided that we are both ready to move on. Our next step what we did was practicing putting the condom on. We are baffled by a few more things. First off, how much lubricant would we need to apply for a smooth enjoyment? If we were to go anal, how much lubricant would we need? If we do the anal and vaginal, what are we better off doing first? The anal or vaginal? We would like to have our questions answered the best way possible because we want an enjoyable first time, not a time we want to forget. I want to thank you all for your time, advice, and help. We greatly appreciate it!

[dancingdoc2]

Oh, my! One or both of you need to slow down--way way down.
What are you interested in, making love or getting your proverbial rocks off and a couple of orgasms for the shear pleasure of it all?

Originally Posted by sprtskhne33

Ok here is the game plan. First off we really haven't had "sex" but foreplay we have such as oral ways such as BJ's and "licking" her. We have decided that we are both ready to move on.

I recommend knowledge, more than you have now. Thank you for writing in and asking for some as it is so empowering. Please begin by clicking on the Index found at the top of the main screen. It contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles that discuss the most common questions and concerns people ask about--like yours. I recommend reading all of the articles, although, starting with those that address your immediate concerns, first.

Our next step what we did was practicing putting the condom on. We are baffled by a few more things.

Condoms come in different styles and sizes depending upon manufacturer. The first thing to do is to purchase two in adjacent sizes and learn what works best. Do not buy lubricated condoms. If necessary, add a lubricant.

First off, how much lubricant would we need to apply for a smooth enjoyment?

You may not need to. Are you aware that women self lubricate when they are aroused? All you may need to do is to make sure her mucus is distrubed around the vaginal opening. On the other hand, if you do add a lube like Astroglide for example, all you need to is wipe it over the outside surface. The solution is thin, not a thick gel.

If we were to go anal, how much lubricant would we need?

DO NOT do any anal until you are well in tune with one another. Figure on doing this down the road and only if your girlfriend is interested and then after several months. Your question is answered in an article listed in the Index.

If we do the anal and vaginal, what are we better off doing first? The anal or vaginal?

ALWAYS keep fingers, toys, and other things separated. Never cross contaminate, for lack of a better term.

We would like to have our questions answered the best way possible because we want an enjoyable first time, not a time we want to forget. I want to thank you all for your time, advice, and help. We greatly appreciate it!

Please read the article on "experience" and those leading up to intercourse. I know you want things to go perfectly without a hitch and to be enjoyable. I can tell you that rarely do first time sessions go off without a hitch. Enjoyable? Yes, if each person is caring and knows a thing or two.

Making love is not done by the numbers!
Making love is not what we do to each other;
making love is what we do with and for each other.
Making love is a partnership, just as with any other
aspect of your relationship. Explore and learn together.
Sex rarely goes off without some glitch the first few times so
just expect it and laugh it off and continue on. It will be enjoyable
if the two of you care about each other and proceed in a caring manner.
Please do not hesitate to ask questions, answers are why the site exists.
Please do read various articles listed in the Index, and off the site's Home page.

I'm concerned that you did not ask about birth control, other than the condom indirectly. It is unwise for only one person to use a contraceptive. If you want to protect your future, wear a condom and look out for #1.
If your girlfriend does not want an unplanned pregnancy and her future plans altered, she should be using the pill or some other highly reliable contraceptive.
Lastly, the two of you should also use a third backup method like a spermicide.

I hope this is of help.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Please - the first time with anyone is always poor. That first time is always the worst sex you will have with that person regardless of age, skill, or experience of both parties.

This is because you two do not know each other at all in an intimate physical sense. You have no idea what works and what doesn't.

You have to 'tune into' your partner and this takes some time and exploration.

Slow down and see what works with this partner.

[Brandye]

Evil is spot on. Lower your expectations and do not expect to do so much so quickly. Forget anal for now (and if you cannot figure out the order for those two, forget it all).

You should be questioning protection rather than the stuff you think you want to do. Condom on you. Vaginal spermicide in her. If you use vaginal jelly, the lube is taken care of. Seems you have not read around the Board much.

[dancingdoc2]

After reading all the replies so far, it occurred to me that a fundamental part of a young man's sexual education has been omitted. What's that?

A. That boys and girls think about love, life, relationships, and, sex, DIFFERENTLY.

B. The younger a teenage boy the more he dreams and conives ways to have sex (foreplay and/or intercourse) in order to have an orgasm with a girl that is more intense than what is possible when home alone.

C. Being in love is dreamy and wonderful yet often full of stress, drama, and trauma, mostly due to emotional immaturity and the lack of acquired people skills that will develop as we develop. (There is a reason the teen years are a decade long!)

D. That kids often live in the moment. It is not so much consequences be damned full speed ahead; more that because the brain is the last part of the body to mature at around age 21+, that consequences aren't even thought about.

Girls tend to romantisize relationships. Engaging in sex is a way to strengthen a relationship. Boys think about orgasms and how to go about having bigger better ones and they now from dating that emotions and sensations are stronger when in the company of another person.

Boys will say and do most anything in order to have an orgasm with or at a girl's hands. LOVE? Often he will say so as a means to an end. Others will genuinely be "in love" yet not to the level of committment his girlfriend is. Boys can separate love and sex; girls not so much and with much greater damage to her psyche and emotions. It is important for boys to know and understand these differences and not use a girl for selfish purposes.

If you are going to engage in intercourse, please do so for the right reasons, otherwise, limit your make out sessions stopping at foreplay. An orgasm from a h/j and/or b/j is often much stronger than those resulting from intercourse. Intercourse is more about satisfying the psyches and demonstrating the love each person has for the other. So, these being the facts, other than initial curiosity, think about where to draw your limits and why--then, stick to your decision.

Boys are driven to have orgasms, both for the pure pleasure of them; and, to relieve stress. It is important for girls to know that while she can have sex with a guy and an hour or so later find that he has masturbated is not a slap in the face. Guys can love deeply, demonstrate that love and have an orgasm, yet find that stress has built up an hour or so later thus having a need to release it. The results (a climax) are the same, the impetus or reasons are vastly different.

Just because a girl and boy have gone thru puberty, this does not mean they are ready to become parents. Birth control is not a 100% guarantee against becoming pregnant. Teens and people in their twenties are more prone to becoming pregnant than at any other stage of life. This is the why behind the recommendation to use three forms of contraception--not two, and certainly not one. Pulling out? You are trying to fool Mother Nature, and sure enough, she will often smite you.

Right now, you are probably wondering why all this talk about pregnancy when all you are concerned about is having a good time. The reason is because for all the good times, there are also some pregnancies that occur and couples have to be aware and plan for what might happen as a result. This is why I'm harping on this so that you and your girlfriend will be responsible enough to take all precautions and not have sex irresponsibly.

As for condoms=
Buy two different sizes (S/M/L) and determine the proper fit.
Roll the condom on pinching off the tip to be used as a reservoir.
Lubricate the outside as necessary. Lubricate the head or glans of the penis only if more friction is needed.
Use a condom only once.

First time intercourse=
Please read the article that discusses the how-to's of having initial intercourse.

[EvilEvilKitten]

True doc, but GIRLS have got to lighten up on the 'hearts & flowers' routine. Girls have got to learn to separate the sex from the love - in this way they can avoid most of the drama, trauma, petty jealousies, etc. that go along with being a teenager for most.

If the girls stopped 'needing' to be lied to, perhaps the guys would stop lying.