another question about condoms

[flames068]

OK so, I've been having occasional sex with this girl for a little while now. If you remember, the first couple of times I really had trouble getting it up and keeping it up. I would be pretty hard during foreplay, but as soon as the pants come off I get limp. Well, for the most part I've been able to get over this, and we've had sex a couple of times now WITHOUT A CONDOM. She's on BC, yet I know this still isn't a good idea. Thats why we've decided to use a condom from now on.

HOWEVER, each time we try to use a condom, I'll get hard enough to put a condom on.... then I'll open the condom wrapper, take out the condom, begin to slip it on, and by the time its halfway down, I'm too limp to continue, and the condom is ruined. This is so frustrating for me and for her.


Is this STILL just a nerves issue that I'm going to have to get over? I just want everything to work like its fucking supposed to.

[dancingdoc2]

> I'll open the condom wrapper, take out the condom, begin to slip it on, and by the time its halfway down, I'm too limp to continue, and the condom is ruined. This is so frustrating for me and for her.

What is wrong with inviting her to do the honors? Let her lubricate the Glans of your Penis if desired, roll the condom on, and during the process manipulating your shaft in order to maintain a strong erection.

There is nothing in the rule book that says she can't be an active participant. Let her do her thing and enjoy the action.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Your excitement/anxiety is killing you. Before your next sexual encounter, masturbate 1 to 2 hours prior. Then let her put on the condom. Make sure yoou have the correct size.

[flames068]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

Your excitement/anxiety is killing you. Before your next sexual encounter, masturbate 1 to 2 hours prior. Then let her put on the condom. Make sure yoou have the correct size.

See I feel like if I do that, I'll be even less aroused, and less likely to keep erect.

@doc, I could ask her to, but to be honest I'm not sure if thats gonna help. I seem to get erect and lose it at random times during foreplay. I JUST want to get erect and stay erect like I can when I'm masturbating.

[dancingdoc2]

How much time are you devoting to fooling around and making out before you get to the foreplay stage? If it is less than half an hour you are not sending enough time reving up her engine, and also yours that definitely benefits from this time.

> doc, I could ask her to, but to be honest I'm not sure if thats gonna help.

As for her rolling on the comdom, having her continue to stimulate your penis in the process is exactly why I recommend her doing this.

As for losing your erection, this may also be a factor of Performance Anxiety and in two words the fix is to quite literally "stop worrying" about whatever has you worried.

Give both of these a try together. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. You are ready to dismiss my recommendation out of worry or fear without even trying it. If at first you do not succeed, try try again. Failing all this, then worry.

[EvilEvilKitten]

But siince you haven't tried it you don't KNOW, do you?
Look, I've enjoyed more men than you have had hot dinners, you can trust me to know what I'm saying and it seems to me that you need a more actively participating partner.

[flames068]

Last night for example we tried again.

We watched some TV, while occasionally making out. I don't know exactly how much time we devote to just making out, but we don't really rush into things. We'll be making out, and I'll be carressing her body. Then gradually I'll play with her over her pants, and she'll do the same. Usually I'll wait for her to like signal shes ready to move forward, when she like tugs at my pants to take them off.

Anyway, so last night we were fooling around, I was fingering her while she was slowly stroking me. I would say I was pretty hard, not like ROCK SOLID, but pretty hard. I quickly grabbed a condom, rolled it on, and tried to have intercourse, but it was barely soft enough so that I couldn't get it in. And then once that happened I went completely limp.

I'm pretty sure that if I didn't bother to fool around with the condom, we would have been able to have sex. BUT we both want to use a condom.

I guess I am nervous around her, which makes me lose my erection quickly if im not being stroked hard. Shes been having sex for like 5 years, and I've been having sex for like 5 weeks.

Tonight we'll probably try again, maybe adding alcohol to the mix will ease my nerves. And I'll ask her to put the condom on me, we'll see what happens.

Thanks for being patient guys.

[flames068]

On an unrelated note:

While fingering her, I'm pretty sure I hit the g-spot, which feels bumpy and is on the roof. However, when I go REALLY deep, I felt like a hard ball in the very back that I could grab. Does anybody know what this is?

[dancingdoc2]

> We watched some TV, while occasionally making out. I don't know exactly how much time we devote to just making out, but we don't really rush into things.

Turn the TV off and devote thirty minutes minimum to making out. Give her your full and undivided attention. She needs this time and attention and you will directly benefit from it, also.

Go thru the Index and look for the articles on making out and read them more than once for how to get the most out of your efforts. I have more than one as does EEK who wrote "The Program". Read all of hers, also, then put all the information into practice.

> I would say I was pretty hard, not like ROCK SOLID, but pretty hard. I quickly grabbed a condom, rolled it on, and tried to have intercourse, but it was barely soft enough so that I couldn't get it in. And then once that happened I went completely limp.

Why didn't you let her roll the condom on and stroke you all at the same time? (For example:
* she can tease the nerves in your Glans before actually rolling the condom on
* she can rub the Frenulum, next
* she can lightly strok the back of the Glans (Corona Rim) where there are usually one or more
hot spots
* pausing there if necessary, she can then continue to slowly rub the top of the shaft
* continuing with the roll out process, she can squeeze the shaft and move the skin up and down
as she goes

Alternately, if she is good at rolling on a condom, she can do so very rapidly, then do some stroking of the shaft if needed.
If you use a lube after the condom is on, and/or squeeze you can continue to stroke the shaft, although, not to the length that can be done with a lubricated hand.

> I guess I am nervous around her, which makes me lose my erection quickly if im not being stroked hard. Shes been having sex for like 5 years, and I've been having sex for like 5 weeks.

Another article that will benefit you is the one on experience when one person has more than the other.**

I'm still concerned that the two of you are not making out sufficiently before moving onto foreplay. Much of becoming hard has to do with being turned on, both from what the two of you do for each other, and also simply by being turned on by her presence. Call it "sparks", and "chemistry". If you do not have these, intercourse is more difficult. Because you do not have a problem masturbating, this and worry are the cause of your difficulties.

> Tonight we'll probably try again, maybe adding alcohol to the mix will ease my nerves. And I'll ask her to put the condom on me, we'll see what happens.

DO NOT drink. Whatever you have heard about drinking and sex, in truth, like water, alcohol and sex do not mix. Your inhibitions may become relaxed, but your ability to get and maintain an erection and then to enjoy the experience will be squelched. Man up and work on the recommendations we are puting forth to you instead of looking for a quick fix or a patch.

** One of the reasons we have taken the time to write the articles in the Index is to give people the tools needed, not duct tape instant fixes.

> While fingering her, I'm pretty sure I hit the g-spot, which feels bumpy and is on the roof.

The G-spot is about the diameter of a quarter and feels bumpy like a washboard. It is about 2" inside. At this stage of the game do not try to involve it. You have more important things to learn and accomplish, first, and, second. Do not be in a rush. Take your time, explore with her and learn together.

> However, when I go REALLY deep, I felt like a hard ball in the very back that I could grab. Does anybody know what this is?

This is the neck of her Cervix. Here is your anatomy lesson for the day and a very good use of a search engine like Google! Please click on the link for several illustrations, definitions, and, information. Want more? Google: vagina illustrations

I hope this is of help. Got questions?
-doc

[flames068]

Ok thanks, I'll let you know how it goes tonight. I think my main problem is nervousness, because during making out, I'm definitely a little erect. Once the pants come off though, I go limp. I just hope this is something temporary (which I'm sure it is). I'll try the suggestions tonight.

Also, the neck of the cervix, is that pleasurable at all? I'm pretty sure it isnt cause I've never read about it on these forums, just checking though.