first time troubles

[scotty191]

hello I'm 21 years old and I've been dating this girl for a while now and we decided to have sex (I was a virgin she was not) when it came to do it, i wasn't really nervous at all, but I had a hard time getting turned on, but when I did i had a hard time keeping it up, i don't know weather it was the condom, because it was a little hard to feel anything.

we've had sex a few times now and when I can keep it up, its not like I'm super horny or turned on. Don't get me wrong I love doing it, and wanna keep doing it.
but When I'm at home i can get turned on just fine by myself, so could it be nerves or stress and I'm just not realizing it, or could i maybe have low testosterone levels?

[dancingdoc2]

Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you enjoy participating. Please begin by familiarizing yourself with the FAQs, the Posting Guidelines section, and especially the Index, all found at the top of the main screen. The Index contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles that discuss the most common questions and concerns people write in about. If you click on the site's Home page you will find even more information.

There are several articles that talk about the art and science of making out, so I encourage you to read these as well as the other articles; knowledge is empowering.

Here is something to consider: all too often nowadays we hear about fellas, mainly, who have the misguided misconception that the best way to an orgasm is from lots and Lots and LOTS of stroking. This is wrong and is the purpose of all the making out that should come before. While a guy can generally be UP and ready in a matter of minutes, women require lots more time, on the order of half an hour or more of Kissing, caressing, cuddling, Necking, Petting, Heavy Petting, all before getting to Foreplay and beyond. If you are not devoting half an hour or more within reason to making out, then you are going about things incorrectly.

Not being or becoming turned on when in the presence of a partner suggests two things to me; first, that you are just not that into her and the pheromones and "sparks" are not flying between you; second, that you are not devoting sufficient time to building each other's arousal. While women do require this devotion to their arousal, guys definitely benefit from this also. Unless you tell us otherwise, my guess is you are rushing way too much toward the finish line and not devoting the necessary time and attention to the basics.

Generally speaking fellas become aroused to a much greater degree when with a partner than when home alone. Because this is not happening in your case and presuming you do have a connection with her, that means to me that the "science" is missing, more than the "art" at this point.

Etiquette suggests that intercourse not begin until the man is invited inside by his partner. She should be very turned on. You should be extremely aroused. The condom should not be rolled on until you are at this point, yet can still keep it together in order to roll the condom on and get into position. Condoms to reduce sensitivity. Some of it can be retained by applying some lube just to the Glans before puting the condom on. This will give the penis a bit more wiggle room to transmit more friction.

In addition to reading all about the how-to's of making out, read the article with multiple chapters including the ones on arousal curves and one person having more experience. Once you read these articles, I believe the information in each will add tremendously to your basic knowledge and you will be better equipped to become a great lover.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

[scotty191]

thanks for the help Doc. I love this girl to death, and couldn't imagine being with anyone else.

I'm sure it was just stress, when i stop worrying about it so much, I'm sure everything will be fine. =]

[flames068]

Originally Posted by scotty191

thanks for the help Doc. I love this girl to death, and couldn't imagine being with anyone else.

I'm sure it was just stress, when i stop worrying about it so much, I'm sure everything will be fine. =]

I have the exact exact exact same problem. Everything you've said. And I don't understand it.

I think its just nerves, at least hopefully. Last night I couldn't even get aroused enough to get a condom on, but when im alone I can do it just fine. Really weird, cause its not like im an asocial person or like to be alone. I dunno. But im glad to know I'm not the only one.

[dancingdoc2]

My suggestion to both of you is to do a site search using my name and the term Performance Anxiety.

Quite simply the solution is to literally stop worrying about whatever it is that you are concerned about. I know, easier said than done, yet this is the fix.

[scotty191]

One more thing, I noticed when i stopped working out i had less of a sex drive. Could this be true, or is that all in my head?

[EvilEvilKitten]

Yes, it is true - exercise will support your libido.

[scotty191]

Alrighty time to get jacked again! thank you!

[dancingdoc2]

> Alrighty time to get jacked again! thank you!

In my mind's eye, I can see you as the "Incredible Hulk" cartoon character.
You might want to make an appointment at the local tanning salon and get a green skin tone to go along with the bulk and renewed vigor! You animal, you.

[EvilEvilKitten]

so will eating right, staying hydrated, getting enough rest, and getting with the right women!!