Please help the new kids...

[Sextion92]

I'll try not to give too much unnecessary information here we just need some ansers.

So it has been a year and a half since me and my current girlfriend started dating (aww..how sweet) and we practice oral sex and sexual messages. And yes I have read every artical on this site educating on cunnulingus and fingering. The first couple of times I fingered her it wasn't that good no biggie though because we're thinking I'll just get better. Well as time goes on we have been going out for one and a half years (aww...how cute.) and my dumbass still hasn't maneged to finish the job, never coming close to her orgasm is more like it.

FIRST QUESTION: I really don't know how I'm not doing a good job I try to respond to her body signals and keep going when she is liking it but it just results in failure. And we communicate well too (I think?). So what could I possibly be doing wrong?

SECOND QUESTION: When I ask her if she has ever had an orgasm she replies saying that she is unsure of what exactly an orgasm is. This suggests to me that she has never had one . How would I go about explaining this to her? Shouldn't she have come across one while mastubating? Obviously she hasn't had one then either.

IN CONCLUSION: She says she doesn't care but she is just being considerate of my feelings, and if she never had chocolate I'm pretty sure she wouldn't care if she didn't know how much she liked it. I am just REALLY wanting to pay her back for the great job she gives me all the time and I am willing to do whatever for just that. It has been a year and a half and I have read every article on this site til' I'm falling asleep. Any more questions?..ask away.

I am way beyond frustration. Any answers and help is GREATLY appreciated, thank you in advance.

[dancingdoc2]

Originally Posted by Sextion92

I'll try not to give too much unnecessary information here we just need some ansers.

Ya done good. Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you enjoy participating. Please begin by familiarizing yourself with the FAQs, the Posting Guidelines section, and especially the Index, all found at the top of the main screen. The Index contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles that address the most common questions and concerns people have. Please read all of them as knowledge is empowering. If you click on the site's Home page you will find additional information.

So it has been a year and a half since me and my current girlfriend started dating (aww..how sweet) and we practice oral sex and sexual messages. And yes I have read every artical on this site educating on cunnulingus and fingering.

This is why I recommend reading all of the articles listed in the Index. You missed a couple of important ones--those are the ones that discuss the female "O". The answer to your problem most likely is discussed in this one:

For Women Only- Help! Why Can't He Make Me Orgasm?

The first couple of times I fingered her it wasn't that good no biggie though because we're thinking I'll just get better. Well as time goes on ...my dumbass still hasn't maneged to finish the job, never coming close to her orgasm is more like it.

Most likely you are probably doing a fine job, and while you may need some fine tuning later on, you cannot expect results unless and until your girlfriend learns how to masturbate and can do so regularly and consistently.

Boys are driven by hormones and genes to learn right out of puberty, not so girls who often learn later in life if at all. For the fairer gender, learning to masturbate is not a prime directive it is for us guys; learning requires determination and a conscious effort. So, ask her to read the articles listed in the Index that discuss the female orgasm. There is much backgrouind and how-to information that she needs to learn.

FIRST QUESTION: I really don't know how I'm not doing a good job I try to respond to her body signals and keep going when she is liking it but it just results in failure. And we communicate well too (I think?). So what could I possibly be doing wrong?

We do not give orgasms away. Each person, male and female, is responsible for his/her own. All any of us can hope to accomplish is to help them achieve them. For this to happen, each of us must learn how to accomplish this on our own. Mother Nature plays a trick on us in that she gives us a pleasure center in the brain, sensitive nerve endings all over our skin, and, an autonomic nervous system to transmit signals and sensations back and forth. What she does not do is to connect everything together and this is what we do by practicing masturbation early on.

Once she knows how and can do it regularly, has established the connections, then she can show you how to mimic her unique method. Look for the discussion on this, also. The same goes for you. While every male strokes a penis in basically the same way, each of us develops some specifics that are unique to each of us. Show her how you masturbate, then take her hand and move it accordingly over several sessions until she learns your technique.

Next, comes feedback. This is a form of communication, verbal or non-verbal that we use to signal each other how we are responding to their caresses and for what we need now/next. Another discussion you can read about.

SECOND QUESTION: When I ask her if she has ever had an orgasm she replies saying that she is unsure of what exactly an orgasm is. This suggests to me that she has never had one . How would I go about explaining this to her? Shouldn't she have come across one while mastubating? Obviously she hasn't had one then either.

Nope. Do you know what an orgasm is? Of course you do, did you know before you had that very first one? This is where she is.

IN CONCLUSION: She says she doesn't care but she is just being considerate of my feelings, and if she never had chocolate I'm pretty sure she wouldn't care if she didn't know how much she liked it. I am just REALLY wanting to pay her back for the great job she gives me all the time and I am willing to do whatever for just that. It has been a year and a half and I have read every article on this site til' I'm falling asleep. Any more questions?..ask away.

I am way beyond frustration. Any answers and help is GREATLY appreciated, thank you in advance.

She probably does not care as long as you are providing the closeness and emotional support she seeks. Please keep in mind that as great as orgasms are, especially when women discover them, they are not the imperative they are for us. So, if she has them or not, and some percentage of women never climax, as long as her other needs are being supported and met, you are doing fine and she is not necessarily missing out.

I encourage both of you to read all of the articles, gain some more knowledge, discuss the information you have acquired, and then encourage her to practice masturbating when home alone and the house is quiet. Depending upon how often she practices, the exercise might take a few days or a few weeks. Once she "connects the dots", knows what an orgasm is, can repeat the experience over and over, then she can show you how to mimic her technique and give you feedback on how she is responding and for what she needs now/next.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

[Brandye]

You say it all with "new kids." You are both lacking experience and the only way to get that is practice. If she does not what an orgasm is, it is not likely that you will be able to help much. The younger a woman is when beginning to masturbate, the more likely she is to be satisfied with her sex life in later years.

She needs to learn to masturbate so that she knows what she is looking for. Not your problem; hers. She could start with this site, the book Our Bodies Ou Selves and clitical. com. No man will ever be able to explain to a woman what an orgasm is. Men simply do not know what a female orgasm is. OK, it is the release of tension in the muscles. That is only the mechanics. There is no way I could explain a male orgasm except in clinical terms.

[Sextion92]

Thank you for the information I will get her to read these articals very soon. But you did say that a certain percentage of woman DO NOT climax? This may seem irrellevant to the current topic but what exactly is GOOD sex like for those women? Can they come to a peak of stimulation just without the release of tenstion in the muscles that I familiarize with an orgasm?

Thank you very much again but this concerns me..

[Sextion92]

Almost forgot this part. She is also concerned about not liking any internal stimulation. Whenever her clit is stimulated she does get something out of that but nothing really comes from putting a finger inside of her besides an uncomfortable feeling. Because of this uncomfort she feels when I try my hand inside her she feels that she may not even be able to enjoy intercoarse. She is a virgin and I suspect that could be a reason?

[maupassant]

[QUOTE= She is a virgin and I suspect that could be a reason?[/QUOTE]

Maybe after 18 months courting things have gone rather slowly for her and have become a little 'stale'. Whilst not advocating that you go down the 'normal' route that many of us have followed (making the most of the adolescent explosion of hormones) maybe you need to consider if you are really sexually compatible. After 18 months I would have been expected by a girl/lady to have progressed beyond the heavy petting stage. Maybe I am wrong on this one and others will chip in their views.

[Brandye]

About one-quarter of all women never reach orgasm. Some are satisfied with that and some not. Some merely accept it and lead rather asexual lives.

As for internal stimulation, it is not necessary until you get rather good at what you are doing. The clitoris is the center of sexual stimulation. It is also not a penis. Do not treat it as such.

[wet_suit_one]

It's odd to me that a woman who cannot orgasm would choose an asexual life. Heck, I'm a man who can't orgasm and I still enjoy sex plenty.

Do you suppose it's a socialization thing?

[blatant_narcisism]

I have no idea. But I hope that the percentage of women who don't acheive orgasm isn't NEARLY that high.

Why can't you acheive orgasm, WSO?

[Brandye]

Hope all you want. Long ago was called frigidity and that was a diagnosis. It is likely that almost all women can; a quarter do not.