Soft; Really fast, and Really easy.

[Sesshomarulover261]

I have been having problem with my boyfriend of 11 months...Since the very first time we had sex we have had a very annoying and redundant situation; We usually can only have sex for a very short period of time. By short period of time I mean under an hour...including foreplay. We actually engage in sex for 5 to 20 minutes.

The foreplay is very short usually. My boyfriend rushes it, sometimes to the max with barely touching but on normal days we might touch each other for 10 to 15 minutes. I know that the rushing situation is my fault as well because when he rushes I should stop him but I don't, my yearning gets the best of me but I'm working on that.

I think the problem might be because of the short foreplay time but I'm not really sure.

Now here comes the real problem...We start having sex...it begins to feel pretty good....getting better...better... fun...STOP. Something happens. Maybe it gets to hot so he's tired and gets soft, or maybe his knee is hitting his charger or a phone or some cord so we pause, maybe he's to hungry, maybe he needs to pee, or maybe he starts thinking about something, and sometimes he just stops. The bottom line is he gets soft...really fast and really easily and after he gets soft I cannot figure out how to get him hard again.

At first we thought it was the condoms because he is large. The biggest size of trojan is extremely tight on him to the point where it hurts him. So we were very careful and stopped using them. The problem still occured.

He tells me it feels good, and I've asked him a million questions and all of them turn up inconclusive. We have been dealing with this for about 6 months and I can't take this anymore. I AM TIRED OF IT! I have never cum with him once...and he barely cums either.

On top of all of that I cannot for the life of me get him to talk to me about it. I am so frustrated with him and this problem. I really need someone to talk to about this and someone to help or give me advice.

Thank you for your time.
-Sesshylove

[bWg]

It sounds to me like he is finishing and not telling you. It sounds like he's embarrassed and uses an excuse to stop.

As for the largest size being "too tight for him to wear," that isn't very likely. Condoms are supposed to be tight and they have sizes to accommodate nearly any size penis. He may not find them as comfortable or pleasurable as without. This is not a reason to have unprotected sex.

Even if you are on some form of birth control I would highly recommend using condoms as well.

I would strongly recommend talking to him about both the "issue" and especially about the non-use of condoms. No matter the cost. If you have to refuse to have sex with him until he agrees to talk to you, then so be it.

[Sesshomarulover261]

I know it sounds like he is finishing but I just don't believe he is lying to me. I know my boyfriend and he is not stupid. He would not finish and not tell me because he knows the risk. He is also not a liar and I know this will sound like a crappy defense but I KNOW. I know him and I know he would never tell me something and not mean it.

Now about the condoms...I do agree with you and I think I might take your advice. Personally it feels better for me for him to have the condom on anyway. However, we have used the biggest size...literally. I do not know of a larger condom made than the trojan XL. This size leaves a red ring around his penis and he tells me that it is very uncomfortable for him. Its not the length but the width. If anyone has any suggestions of where to get a larger width condom that would be EXTREMELY helpful.

In these few hours I think I have found the problem...we rush. I have been looking around the forum and all of the things I have read on hand jobs and oral and so on and so forth calls for taking time.

Tomorrow I am going to talk to him..or attempt to about taking our time and try to get him to talk a little more and tell me what he likes and doesn't like while I experiment with him.

I really hope this helps...Thank you for your advice I need all the help I can get
Thank you
SesshyLove

[Brandye]

First remember that about half of us women require stimulation beyond penetration and thrusting. It does always happen (usually happen) with him in you. There are many cases where sexual issues are not the problem, only the symptom. An approach of getting you off first may be quite helpful. There is an entire movement of "ladies first" and that seems to limit the rushing and gets everyone satisfied. There is likely something much deeper that is causing your problems. If he is not going to discuss it, why waste your time?

[EvilEvilKitten]

Research has shown that 20 minutes of foreplay is required if a woman wants to orgasm from sexual intercourse aka penetration. Anything less and he might as well not have bothered. If you want to enjoy sex - then take the time to do so. Go find and read The Program - that is what you two should be doing - not this lame sort of rushing to penetrate and everyone going home unhappy.

www.condomania.com - makes custom fitted condoms and Trojans make Magnums. He can find condoms to fit- there is no excuse.

[Sesshomarulover261]

Thank you both for your advice. We do have some problems but are trying to work with them. The whole problem with talking to him is that he doesn't really talk so I have no idea what he thinks so I feel like I'm figuring this out alone...

Maybe we should try to let me cum first then him follow...it might spice things up as a bonus. We need a little spicing.

And rushing to penetration sucks x10...I mean I just start to feel a little tingle then were already doing it. I'm going to slow it down a lot.

Now just for the record my boyfriend isn't some stupid frat boy who doesn't care, he is just very quiet about things, not shy but...hmm not completely sure how to explain him. He just has a lot of things to worry about lately.

Thank you both
Sesshylove

[Sesshomarulover261]

OH! Omg I just saw the post about the condoms! I was wondering if they made custom made condoms and btw if the magnums are in the gold wrapper...those are the ones I'm talking about. I did some research before and I even googled custom condoms but didn't really turn up with much. I also remember seeing that the magnums were the largest in width made.

I'll look at the custom making but were pretty young so we don't have unlimited resources and buying from the internet might be a problem because neither one of us has a credit card.

I will tell him about it and thank you!
Sesshylove

[EvilEvilKitten]

Sess, we each make our choices in life and his, thus far, is to NOT communicate for whatever reason. The adult way to handle a non-communicating male is to make your position clear, stick to it, and not mention it again. Nothing worse than constantly pestering a guy "what are you thinking?" etc. Ask once. It isn't that you do not care/want to know - it is that you respect him as an adult and expect adult behavior from him.

[dancingdoc2]

Originally Posted by Sesshomarulover261

I have been having problem with my boyfriend of 11 months...Since the very first time we had sex we have had a very annoying and redundant situation; We usually can only have sex for a very short period of time. By short period of time I mean under an hour...including foreplay. We actually engage in sex for 5 to 20 minutes.

"Very short"? I don't think so, although, this is a matter of individual perception, and, if less than half an hour, total, I would agree with you. On the other hand, if you want to enjoy fooling around for longer than forty five minutes or so, then other than time and opportunity, there should be nothing preventing you.

Many women report that if intercourse lasts longer than about ten minutes, they become sore, bored, and, tired.

The foreplay is very short usually. My boyfriend rushes it, sometimes to the max with barely touching but on normal days we might touch each other for 10 to 15 minutes.

Except for the proverbial "Quicky", this is way too brief and does not prepare you sufficiently. Said another way, this is not enough time to get your motor running and warmed up!

FOREPLAY: The Perquel and Sequel

I know that the rushing situation is my fault as well because when he rushes I should stop him but I don't, my yearning gets the best of me but I'm working on that.

Yup. In this scenario, you are your own worst enemy, regardless of your boyfriend's enthusiasm and haste, also.

The Program

Body Worship How-To by EEK

INTERCOURSE / ORGASMS / and the gentle art of Humping(plus the G-spot and Making Out)

I think the problem might be because of the short foreplay time but I'm not really sure.

Asked and answered, above.

Now here comes the real problem...We start having sex...it begins to feel pretty good....getting better...better... fun...STOP. Something happens. Maybe it gets to hot so he's tired and gets soft, or maybe his knee is hitting his charger or a phone or some cord so we pause, maybe he's to hungry, maybe he needs to pee, or maybe he starts thinking about something, and sometimes he just stops. The bottom line is he gets soft...really fast and really easily and after he gets soft I cannot figure out how to get him hard again.

There are too many "maybes"; however, given that the length of time the two of you generally spend making out, I offer this thought: All too often nowadays, guys operate under the misguided misconception that the best way to a climax is from lots and Lots and LOTS of stroking. WRONG. This is why we should be devoting so much time to making out. Intercourse should not begin until you want it to and then only after he has reached the peak of his arousal and about to lose control. (Please read Chapter Four)

So he loses his erection, so what. Just fall back and rebuild it by making out some more and or indulging in some foreplay. A lost erection does not mean sex has to end--far from it. Get this notion out of your heads.

At first we thought it was the condoms because he is large. The biggest size of trojan is extremely tight on him to the point where it hurts him. So we were very careful and stopped using them. The problem still occured.

He tells me it feels good, and I've asked him a million questions and all of them turn up inconclusive. We have been dealing with this for about 6 months and I can't take this anymore. I AM TIRED OF IT! I have never cum with him once...and he barely cums either.

Are you using a contraceptive? If so, and you cannot find a condom for him that works well, please use a spermicide in you for added protection.

If you are having trouble achieving a climax, yet are capable, then this goes to a lack of technique. Please read the articles on this, also. Very few positions place a woman's pieces-parts in constant contact with his pubic mound sufficient to produce the required friction. What a knowledgeable, skilled, caring, lover will do is to reach around and finger his partner while stroking away.

On top of all of that I cannot for the life of me get him to talk to me about it. I am so frustrated with him and this problem. I really need someone to talk to about this and someone to help or give me advice.

Not talking is a guy thing, unfortunately; however, if you can get him interested in expanding his knowledge and thus his ability to pleasure both of you, then by discussing what you have gleaned from the articles in the Index, or the book "The Joy of Sex", available at libraries and booksellers, you should be able to begin talking.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

[Sesshomarulover261]

Hmm...I do kinda pester him. I'll try my best to say it once and then keep my mouth shut. I let things get to me to easily.

Wow! So much info! I have read a few of those articles...or threads and they were very helpful. Today we took our time and it was a lot more pleasing and lasted longer, however we had a minor mishap and had to stop but not because he got soft.

It was a little weird for me though while I was playing with him because well I've never done some of those things before lol...but hopefully I'll get better. He did the same for me too.

Oh and about the starting back up, well I've tried that but once he's soft we both have it set in our minds its over out of routine. However it can be changed.

Omg...I never really knew that the thrusting was really only supposed to last about 5 to 10 minutes! Thats such a shocker! :O Stupid movies and media sources blurring the reality! That makes me feel a lot better.

Thank you SO much!
Sesshylove