telling mom the news

[anonymous.]

my boyfriend and i have been having sex for a few months now. everything between us is fantastic and we're both happy and comfortable with each other and where we are in our relationship. however, i've been feeling that i should probably tell my mom what's going on. i can't even begin to describe how much i really don't want to. my mother is one of those people who will (and does) gossip about anyone and anything. i know from my sister's past experience, that once my mother finds out i am no longer a virgin, she will tell anyone who will isten. which pretty much means family, neighbors, friends, etc. i'm really uncomfortable with the idea of all these people knowing that i'm having sex. and i want to make it clear, that i am not uncomfortable with sex, i am just a very private person and feel that what goes on between my boyfriend and i is really no one else's business.

i was just wondering if anyone had any advice on how to tell my mom what's going on and to basically tell her to shut up about it without hurting her feelings. (usually whenever the subject of her gossip habit is brought up she gets really defensive and ends up fighting with whomever she's talking to.)

thanks.

[Buck Naked]

If you can't trust your mother to keep your private life to herself then why tell her at all? Your sex life is your business and yours alone.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Sorry, but you should NOT tell your mother anything beyond the general contact info of your boy friend(s) and who you're with today - your schedule/itinerary. Just in case.

[Brandye]

There are parental relationships in which telling her is responsible; others, not. Yours sounds like one in which you take care of yourself and it is not her business.

[lisa4daz]

hun i think that u seem to have a gd relationship with ur mum, and maybe if u explained that u would like 2 talk to her on a strictly private level enhancing the fact that this is actually v important and personal to u; letting her know this will hopefully make her see that u wanna be able to talk 2 ur mum about everything..i mean thats wat mums are there for..

[dancingdoc2]

Lisa,
f u no ne thng bout gossip, th vry ntur f it iz that ppl cnt keep thr moutz shut.

In the future please write respectably. I believe the recommendations before yours are more realistic in her particular situation.

[Charmer]

Its a personal judgement call that no one here can really help you with, you know her better then us.
But my advice is that if you don't trust her 100% to keep it private, don't tell her, your sex life has nothing to do with her, you have no obligation to tell her and she hasn't exactly proved herself deserving or worthy of being trusted with the information("sister's past experience").

[22much]

I know you feel you should tell her. If you don't think she will respect that you are telling her and her alone, don't tell her. And you should get used to this. It will not get better as you go further into adulthood.

[lnt1103]

There's truly no need to tell her explicitly. If she has any clue about people your age, she'll figure it out eventually. First time I stayed over with a male was a Saturday night. I told her as I was packing my overnight bag. The first word out of her mouth was simply 'no', as in attempting to deny me permission. I was in my 20s and informed her I was not requesting her permission, but rather telling her of my whereabouts out of respect for her because I lived under her roof. She cried and couldn't attend church the next morning because she couldn't figure out how to explain my absence.

I never specified our plans for the evening. Quite obviously, she figured it out.

And she got over it.