Help please...

[sexyfooyballplayer]

Me and 2 of my friends were in an argument earlier today. Is there a way to have sex and stay true to your religion of no sex before marriage?

[dancingdoc2]

It seems to me that before this question can be answered, we must first determine what each religion has decreed. For example, years ago the Mormons' published a paper stating the masturbation was a sin and teenagers and single men were not to engage in it period.

Are you defining "sex" as intercourse? Foreplay activities? Fooling around and making out? What is the particular church's definition? Until we understand the definitions, we can't really offer an opinion.

[sexyfooyballplayer]

I mean intercourse. The churches definition is intercourse. The religion says no intercourse before marriage. So is there a way to do it before marriage while staying true to your religion?

[funinthesun]

But does your church consider anything other than the act of intercourse for procreation to be sodomy or a sin?


Btw - isn't a better discussion to hold with your friend -Why does my religion consider sex before marriage to be bad? If the core aspects of practicing a religion are possessing and abiding by a set of principles, then isn't any act of physical contact - kissing, massaging, caressing, holding hands, oral sex, anal sex, vaginal intercourse - that is done purely for each others physical and emotional pleasure a form of 'sex' in principle, and isn't trying to find a loophole around that not upholding a principle?

[dancingdoc2]

Religious values are important. So too are your church's teachings. It would be hypocritical to go to church on the Sabbath and live your life the other six days as if certain tenets don't matter to you. That said, I do not see a way to have intercourse with a person other than the way its been done for eons.

Years ago a guy tried to argue that by wearing a condom he was not really having "intercourse" because there was no skin on skin contact and his ejaculation is never deposited inside her. This is just wishful thinking and just an attempt to misplace logic.

I have not made this argument during the last few years because it generally falls on deaf ears; however, I continue to believe that there is something very special about first time intercourse and with the person you are in love with. Because intercourse is more about satisfying the psyches, orgasms as great as they are generally are not as intense as from a hand job and/or oral stimulation. If a couple waits for the second part of the marriage ceremony (the consummation) their first ever intercourse will rock their emotions. This only happens once in a lifetime and not quite as much with subsequent marriages and never seems to with long term relationships. I can tell you as a person who married in his early twenties and waited til then, that first time was a moving experience never duplicated. It is a once in a lifetime experience I believe worth waiting for.

What I do tell readers is that orgasms from hand jobs and/or oral are much more intense. As fantastic as these are, they do not play to our psyches nearly as much. So, do I need to continue making my case?

The reason I have backed off on professing this belief is that there is also a compelling argument to be made for learning if "we are compatible" by making love sometime during the courting stage. Certainly, this is a method for working on technique and for working out belief compatibility before committing to a marriage that may not last or be entirely happy and satisfying in the love department.

Where do these two positions leave a person?
* Masturbation
* Hand jobs and/or oral stimulation as part of making out and Foreplay
* Waiting for those without a strong religious ethic

These days I personally tend to go along with the second argument. I'm all for making and keeping marriages healthy and successful. If a couple can predetermine sexual compatibility, and they are in love, and work in partnership on any problems, I will not argue for my primary case of waiting.l

So what can a couple do? Foreplay; howver, DO NOT OMIT ALL THE MAKING OUT THAT COMES BEFORE THIS STAGE.

Comments welcome.

[demonbuttercup]

I just don't like people being hypocrites and explaining.. "I am a virgin and pure" yet they've had oral sex AND anal sex... ESPECIALLY the anal sex part.. they will have done EVERYTHING under the stars except for having a penis in the vagina.
I really like funinthesun's comment about trying to find a loop-hole... that's exactly how I feel that some people treat other sexual acts as a way of getting around not actually having vaginal sex but in their minds convince themselves it's "ok".
I personal was raised going to church and I had pre-marital sex. I didn't see it as bad or that I am a bad person. I treat others as I want to be treated and always thoughtful.. which I believe makes me a good person.. not what I do in the bedroom.

[Rouge]

I grew up in the Baptist churches for the majority of my life, there isn't a way to hve sex outside of marriage that isn't considered a sin. All thins pertaining to sex are considered to fall into the same category, basically anything you wouldn't do with your mother, don't do with your girlfriend. examples: you give your mom kisses (innocent ones I hope), hugs, hold her hand, etc.

[Brandye]

I still like the French term "demi vierge." Seems to have satisfied parents and religious relics forever.

[Bells]

What does that mean? Half virgin?

[sexyfooyballplayer]

What does that mean?