The Virgin Thread

[Brandye]

I would recommend to some of the newer members posting in this thread that they read the sticky Am I ready? Evil is not arguing for abandoning virginity just to get it done. The considerations some are suggesting are well covered in that sticky - physical, psychological and social factors are factored in.

[EvilEvilKitten]

When the desire overcomes the fear..then it is time.

Thank you, Brandye.

[Humble]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

Not necessarily- but what does "ready for sex" actually mean?

That's precisely the point! It means different things to different people. To somebody it might mean just having desire and perhaps some knowledge of protection. To others it means physical maturity and good knowledge of protection. Still others might think they are "ready for sex" only once they are in a stable long-term relationship (even if it doesn't ultimately work out), where they feel they can trust the other person and connect with him/her emotionally. Other people have baggage that they feel they need to overcome before they feel secure enough to enter a relationship and have sex. And so on and so on... The point being that each individual person determines when he or she is "ready for sex" and what criteria need to be fulfilled for that.

For example, I am physically mature (late 20s) and have a reasonable degree of theoretical knowledge about sex (well, for a virgin and for somebody for whom the field is not related to field of work or field of education... certainly not claiming to even remotely approach the knowledge of those who are experienced in sex, be it as therapists or just through practice), but I will not feel ready for sex until I am ready to begin building a serious relationship (which may or may not work out, the point being that the intent of it being serious) and that is not the case at the moment - for that I would indeed need to cast off some past (non-sex related) baggage, plus land a good stable job permitting me to settle down (my current job pays the bills, but that's about it - not much prospect of saving for much) and so on. Some may judge these things as unreasonable and that is their prerogative, but for me they feel natural, because only then will I be ready to start looking for a relationship and sex - until then I won't be emotionally ready. The 'then' may be in a few months or a few years or possibly even never, but the point is that only I can know when I am ready.

By the same token, other people with the possible exception of the very young know for themselves if they are ready or not. For you sex might be purely a matter of physical pleasure and many might agree, but for a substantial number of people it is tied to other emotional and social aspects of their lives, so that they cannot simply separate it off and treat it independently.

[EvilEvilKitten]

Dear Humble,
Thank you for defining what "ready for sex" means to you.

Now, answer me WHY "ready for sex" means that to you. If you would. For it sounds more to me the definition of "ready for marriage" rather than "ready for sex".

I freely grant that some are 'ready' sooner or later than others and I don't have a problem with personal choice. My focus is on the reasons why, the motive(s) behind that choice.

Because the 'baggage' that forms the motive often ruins future relationships. And that's something I'd like to stop.

For me yes, sex is pleasure but sex is also a marvelously friendly thing to do with people you like and whose company you enjoy. Not only that but sex is also good for you and sex three times a week is recommended for your health.

[Humble]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

Dear Humble,
Thank you for defining what "ready for sex" means to you.

Now, answer me WHY "ready for sex" means that to you. If you would. For it sounds more to me the definition of "ready for marriage" rather than "ready for sex".

I wouldn't say it means "ready for marriage", but it is indeed strongly associated with being "ready for a serious relationship". This is because for me sex and emotional attachment are tied together, so being "ready for sex" is tied to being "ready for a relationship".

I freely grant that some are 'ready' sooner or later than others and I don't have a problem with personal choice. My focus is on the reasons why, the motive(s) behind that choice.

Fair enough!

Because the 'baggage' that forms the motive often ruins future relationships. And that's something I'd like to stop.

Right, it is good to transcend as much negative baggage as possible before entering into a relationship.

Not only that but sex is also good for you and sex three times a week is recommended for your health.

I suppose that makes some sense. It probably boosts self-esteem and psychological well-being/mental health, so it could be good for one's health in that regard.

[el_chico_atomico!]

if you are young and are a virgin stay that way until you meet someone special... I lost mines to the wrong person... im 17 and i regret it completely

[EvilEvilKitten]

el chico - okay so WHY do you regret it?

[cico187]

el chico, in most cases the person you lose your virginity to will not always stay with you, at first you think he/she must be the one because you gave that person your virginity, trust me you will know when that person is the one, once you meet them.

[luvandsqweezeme]

15 and still a virgin... none of my friends are tho...
______________________

"If it's tourist season, Why can't we shoot them?"

[RexyRay]

Originally Posted by luvandsqweezeme

15 and still a virgin... none of my friends are tho...
______________________

"If it's tourist season, Why can't we shoot them?"

Ah! that's what they tell you..BUT??