The Virgin Thread

[dancingdoc2]

Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you enjoy participating. Please begin by familiarizing yourself with the FAQs, the Posting Guidelines section, and especially the Index, all found at the top of the screen. The Index contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles that address the most common questions and concerns people write in about. Here is an article that I would like you to read before making any decision about the matter:

I'm Ready for SEX! (or am I?) I really want to do it.

Got questions?

[SugarCane29]

I'm 20 years old and still a virgin. Matter of fact, my boyfriend (of 2 years) and I decided to wait (for several reasons) until we got married to have sex and I couldn't be happier or more proud of my man, whom I hope and look forward to calling my husband.
(Just think of how horny we'll be after being together 4 or 5 or more years and finally getting to have sex! Isn't that what the honeymoon is supposed to be for, anyway?

[EvilEvilKitten]

Proud of ignorance?
4 or 5 years of no sex?

[lnt1103]

Whether or not you or anyone else agrees with it, EEK, some choose to make abstinence a part of their belief system. Holding true to one's belief system despite societal pressure to the contrary is worthy of pride.

[EvilEvilKitten]

And if that belief was the world is flat and the center of the universe...would that too be worthy of pride?

Some beliefs are worth all you can give to them - nurturing your child for example. Others...not so much.

Celibacy and abstinence serve no purpose. If carried out by all believers, you end up with no believers. Hense this one little loophole left open. A way to have your cake and eat it too.

[springfever]

Im 17 and virgin

[SugarCane29]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

Proud of ignorance?
4 or 5 years of no sex?

Choosing not to have sex isn't ignorance. Is a conscious choice I've been making since day one and you have no idea the struggles I've gone through to not have sex.
Any animal can have sex. It takes unbelievable courage of conviction and self-control to keep from having it, the likes of which I doubt you have ever known or wanted to have.
My boyfriend isn't a virgin, so he knows what he's missing. He said to me just a couple of months ago he thinks our relationship wouldn't be as great and awesome as it is if we had decided to just have sex now, instead of waiting.
I and we encounter so many people we know and total strangers who only spend 10 minutes with us, compliment how well we work together, communicate, how much our respect and love for each other shows through. It's incredible!

If you knew first-hand... I bet you might wait, too.

[SugarCane29]

Originally Posted by EvilEvilKitten

And if that belief was the world is flat and the center of the universe...would that too be worthy of pride?

Some beliefs are worth all you can give to them - nurturing your child for example. Others...not so much.

Celibacy and abstinence serve no purpose. If carried out by all believers, you end up with no believers. Hense this one little loophole left open. A way to have your cake and eat it too.

If monogamy during marriage, with abstinence before marriage were both practiced by every one, STD's would not be here.

I don't practice life-long abstinence. I'd go crazy, I get so horny sometimes (my bf and I have foreplay which takes care of that). If everyone did practice lifelong abstinence, that would be stupid because, yes, none of us would be here.

The monumental difference between me and the vast number of people who thought Columbus was an idiot is that I, like Columbus, know the world is round. What I am actually doing is preparing for my expedition so I am ready for where the ocean waters of my life lead me. Also, I know more than Columbus because when I 'land,' I'm going to know where I am instead of thinking I'm in Asia.

Thank God you were banned. You are not an asset to this forum. (To all those reading this, I know EvilEvilKitten can't read it. I just wanted to say that. ^_^)

[EvilEvilKitten]

If everyone pacticed safe sex there'd be no std's either.

Yes, any animal can have sex. Did you suppose you were a mineral or a vegetable (which have sex too btw)? Human beings are animals. Of course it is difficult to not have sex when you want to have sex. That is not the issue. The issue is what is the value in your position. None of you has rationally explained why being ignorant..by defnition all virgins are ignorant..is to be desired.

If I knew "how well we work together, communicate, how much our respect and love for each other shows through" was like first hand I'd wait too?? Sugarcane - don't you read, honeychild?

Yes, I am an asset becuse I am one of the few who is rational and experienced - been there and have done that. I have not been a virgin for a long time. I wasn't one when I married the best man on earth. I have been married to the same alpha male for 33 years now and after numerous military excursions, two careers, two kids, and two grandkids, we still adore each other. Yes, we know each other's flaws but they hardly matter. And yes, you can enjoy sex AND "how well we work together, communicate, how much our respect and love for each other shows through" simultaneously. The sex doesn't, necessarily, cancel the other out.

You two have barely begun life's adventure. I have been living life's adventure far longer than most on here and it has been one marvelous life so far, thank you very much!

I do not base my advice solely on myself. I pay attention to the latest research. I consult other persons. There is a huge body of literature on this subject. But I do not put up with nonsense, emotion based arguments, and canned claptrap. I am not doubting your right to be one if you wish.

What I am challenging is the reason you made that choice. You all just say "I decided.." which doesn't answer the question:

WHY

BTW I was banned in error.

[SugarCane29]

First off, I am sorry for the comment I made and my behavior in my comments were very inappropriate. I'm not saying this because of what you said about your relationship with your husband, your life, any of that. I'm saying this because I do feel guilty about being so blatantly rude and hurtful. It was my intention, when I came back to my posts, to delete them because of it, but I saw that you replied-you weren't in fact banned, except by accident.
I apologize for my behavior and hope you'll forgive me. I have a temper that I struggle to control and I'm trying to make changes that will help me keep from losing it and taking things so personally.

Edited in: (If you'd like a shortened list of why I'm waiting, look at the bottom. If it doesn't make sense, then maybe read the section regarding it. I added in a lot of personal stuff into my reasons that may or may not have been necessary to mention, but what I did mention helped fuel my already present fears and feelings about sex. I don't know how much it matters, too, but the friend I mentioned in reason 3, I was with her more than anyone else when she had her baby. Day after baby was born, she asked me to promise her I would wait until I was married to have sex. She's the second person I have promised that I would wait. The first was when I was 18.)

Why I'm waiting...
1) (I don't like being a "Bible-thumper." I would very seldom consider myself one, but my first and primary reason is related to my spiritual beliefs, so I have to say this.)
My spiritual beliefs are to follow God and his commands for my life to the best of my ability. One of those commands is having sex only within marriage. Furthermore (this next part is because I've experienced too many God-following individuals who know that God commands abstinence before marriage, but don't know why and I do know why), God commands abstinence before marriage and monogamy within marriage because, according to His design, whenever we have sex with someone, He binds us with that person on a level that is so strong, only the death of one or both spouses can break that bind. This is why traditional wedding vows for Christian, Catholic, etc ceremonies say "for as long as we both shall live" or "until we are parted by death" or something along those lines.. I believe that when I have sex with someone, I will be bound to them by God until one of us dies. As such, I want it to be with someone I plan on being with for a very, very long time.
2) Considering my religious background, I don't consider myself emotionally mature enough to, if I had sex with someone and he dumped me, I would know how to not become depressed and I would struggle with the loss of having given my virginity to someone who, as it turns out, didn't want to share his life with me.
3) No birth control, no condom in the universe can protect against pregnancy 100%. I absolutely do not want to be in my good friend's shoes. Friend, "I'm pregnant!" Her bf, "I want to break up and you will likely have to take me to court to get any money from me. I'll still hang out with you when I feel like it, even meet my baby maybe once a week, but I won't sign her birth certificate." (I don't know exactly what was said, but that's basically what happened and what is actually happening.) There actually was one time early on in my relationship that some semen potentially got on/in me even though there wasn't penis/vagina penetration (please don't ask for details, it's hard enough explaining this, not to mention my best friend laughed at me saying it's basically impossible to get pregnant unless the semen gets in the vagina, but i know better). We were very scared I was pregnant, I was especially scared that if I was, he would leave me even though we knew we wanted to be together for life from very early on. I even tried to suggest I could have the baby adopted, but he refused to let me think like that. Abortion wasn't even considered because neither of us believe in it, think it's an option. He was the one who consoled my worries about if I was, he was there for me 100%. He did such a good job of consoling me that by the time I took the pregnancy test and we saw that I wasn't, it was bittersweet. lol He got me feeling so at ease that I was a little disappointed I wasn't and somehow he understood my feelings.

I got lucky with him. Not every guy is so compassionate, so loving and so mature to say, "Hey! We don't know if you're going to have a baby, but if you are-whether or not we get married-I'm here to back you up because I participated in this every bit as much as you did!" I don't want to be faced with, "Can I take care of this baby alone or do I have to put him/her up for adoption?"
4) STD's. I know condoms protect against them, but I want the option of having sex without protection and without worrying about whether or not the guy I'm sleeping with has them, and if he says he doesn't, whether or not he's telling the truth. As I said before, I know my guy has had sex before, but I also know he's clean. He and his ex were tested before they got together. He got tested again sometime after we started dating. If the man I'm with I'm going to get the privilege to marry, damn it, I want my first time to be completely uninhibited by condoms and STD-worry-free. (Whether or not I'll still get it with him is another thing. When it comes down to it, I'd like my first couple years of marriage to be less likely of having kids present yet, so we'll probably do something... but, hey! At least it will be with someone who, if we decide to "forget" a condom, I know I won't regret it in the morning!)
5) Mind sound dumb, but I really do want the first person I have sex with to be the one I spend my life with. After getting married, I want to just spend a month at home with my new husband exploring how to have sex to reach orgasm (thankfully, I already do orgasm without sex, so even if I don't during sex for a while, we'll be ok), which positions are our favorites for different sensations, etc. Say if I did have sex with someone, we eventually learned all of each other's little quirks and turn-on spots, we broke up, I met someone new-I'd have to spend how much time learning this new person's quirks, turn-on spots, favorite positions, etc. To me, that sounds like a lot of work when, if I stayed with one person, we could have awesome sex for.... (looking for right words) .... a really long time. It's just a matter of keeping the romance alive, keep on flirting years and years after the wedding, experiment with new positions, maybe role-playing, etc. and not shutting each other out when the sex seems drab, but talking about ways to make it more exciting!

Sorry this was about the length of an essay.
Quick recap.
1) As a Christian, God commands abstinence before marriage because sex is a life-binding arrangement.
2) Not sure I could handle emotionally having sex if the guy left me. (I already feel I need counseling and to be tested for if I have bipolar disorder. Depression and suicide runs on the maternal side of my family, I experienced undiagnosed depression for 4 months when I was 15, but my controlling parents felt it best that any potential "emotional or psychological problems" not be on some permanent record somewhere.)
3) No protection/birth control is 100% effective. Don't want the possibility of facing being a single parent.
4) If my partner and I choose not to use condoms, I want to be STD worry-free.
5) A strong desire to have as few sexual partners as possible. Preferably one partner, in hopes of always having an ever-developing sex-life with that person, instead of having to start over with every new partner.

Edited in: Also, this isn't exactly a reason I'm waiting to have sex, but I do feel it's important to mention that, all those warnings on the pill, bc shots and patches, etc. My family has too many friends and relatives who have run into very note-worthy complications possibly due to bc including pregnancies followed by miscarriages. I just don't feel comfortable with the idea of taking something to artificially alter my body's hormones. Instead, I am looking into a diaphragm.