What Can I/We Do To Prepare For First Time Intercourse?

[dancingdoc2]

The following information and associated links will help prepare a couple for their first experience. Both the man and the woman should read this information whether both of you are virgins, or, that one of you has had prior experience and that this is the your first time with this partner.

HELP! S/He is more EXPERIENCED! To which I say:

Originally Posted by Sakoend

MY bf and i are planning to have sex some time in the summer and i just want to know what all do we need/do before we have sex for the first time (for both)

This is an excellent question that I do not believe gets asked enough; or, stated another way, that people give enough forethought to.

I plan to get on birth control

Please talk to your doctor in a few weeks and discuss options. Do you want the pill, patch, or another type? What type? If you are choosing the pill or patch, I recommend getting started fairly soon in order for your body to adjust. Also, there are many different contraceptive medications available and the first one may not be the ideal one for you.

he has condoms

Great! Does he know how to use them? Have him practice rolling them on and off. Also, purchasing a lubricant is very worthwhile, regardless of whether you produce copious amounts of mucus or not. It is important to spread it over the skin of the condom. Lubes are available over the counter in supermarket drug departments and pharmacies.

we're doing in a hotel (because we both still live with parents)

We are both 19

any thing else we both should do/need before sex.

YES! Knowledge is empowering. Please read some of the articles listed in the Index:

--BEGIN HERE--w/a Partial INDEX of Sex Info 101 Sex Ed. Topics
Here is your "laundry list" of articles the two of you should read:

A. I'm Ready for SEX! (or am I?) I really want to do it.
Please read the threads linked in the article, also.

B. Chapter Three: (Scroll down the thread)
INTERCOURSE / ORGASMS / and the gentle art of Making Out, FIRST

Frequently, and depending upon the nature of a poster's question, I recommend the person read Chapter Three, first, and Chapter One, second.

C. Chapter One:
INTERCOURSE / ORGASMS / and the gentle art of Humping

D. The Program
Your guide to wild rampant skin-on-skin full-body-contact sex.''
Pay particular attention to 1-5 & 10-12.

E. Body Worship How-To by EEK

F. General Information-

I know that when the time comes for this momentous act to occur that the two of you will probably be nervous as well as excited; moreover, in a hurry. The first two emotions are expected, the last one should be traded in for taking your time and enjoying and savoring every moment.

There are several reasons for having intercourse; first, might be just to get the deed done and out of the way so that virginity is not a problem; second, curiosity; third, sex for fun and pleasure; fourth, as an outward expression for the love a man and woman have for each other. Think about why you want to have first time intercourse, now vs. the future. It is not unusual for a girl to loose her virginity and then soon after stop having intercourse until she is older, wiser, and more mature. Think about this, not that this will necessarily be the case for you.

Plan on using three (3) methods of contraception:
1. The man must use a condom and protect his interests and future.
2. The woman must use the pill, patch, or other highly reliable contraceptive
3. As back up, she should also use a vaginal spermicide. Redundancy protects her interests and future!

Birth Control Failure Rates

Caution: Pill - Take only as directed


As a woman, what do you know about your hymen? Is it intact? Partially? Fully eroded away? I believe it is important for every woman to be as familiar with her Vulva {Labia Majora (large lips), Labia Minora (small lips) Urethra, Clitoris (Tip/Hood and Shaft), Vaginal Entrance, Hymen, Perineum, and, Anus), with any other part of her anatomy. If you are not, please take a mirror and a lamp and go on a "field trip" and explore yourself. Know where things are and what they look like. Inspect your hymen or what might be remaining of it. Things to look for if it is intact is how it is constructed. Does the membrane have any holes? If so, how many and how large? Is there a space between the membrane and the vaginal wall. If so, where?

These are important pieces of information to have when it comes time to position the penis in order to make penetration easier. Ideally, the tip of the penis should be positioned so that it will slide between the membrane and the vaginal wall. Alternately, if the membrane has a sufficiently large enough hole, the penis can be positioned against this opening. Either is better than just placing it randomly and probably pushing against the membrane itself in order to break it.**

Before attempting penetration-

Both of you should bathe and/or freshen up before becoming romantic.

Devote much of your love making session to making out in all of its forms and building each other's level of arousal, anticipation, excitement, and, sexual tension.

Ask for at least one orgasm before beginning intercourse. Why? Because should intercourse prove uncomfortable, it will likely squelch any ability to have an orgasm. So, have at least one during foreplay!

If you are pre-orgasmic and have never masturbated and have yet to learn how to have a climax and what it takes, then I highly recommend you spend part of the next several months learning. Do not expect him to give you an orgasm whether it be the very first time or not. Each person, male and female, is responsible for his/her own orgasms. All any of us can hope to accomplish is to help our partner achieve them. Now, having recommended this, it is also important for both of you to know and understand that an orgasm for a woman is neither a necessity or a requirement. Women can enjoy sex with or without an orgasm if there is emotional intimacy.

* Make certain to spread lubrication around the vaginal opening using her mucus and/or a lube. He can do this while fingering her. She can do it just before, also, if desired.
* Make certain to spread the lubricant over the entire surface of the condom. Do not use lubricated condoms. They do not work well for this purpose.
* Work on attaining a high level of arousal. It is better to devote plenty of time to this aspect of your love making session than to just rush to the finish line. Each of you will be much more receptive the more aroused you are.
* Use the "Cowgirl" or Woman Superior position the first couple of times.

Using this position places the woman in control-
+ She knows where P & V are so can easily and deftly bring the two together placing the tip of the penis where it will encounter the least resistance. Doing this herself saves her guy possible angst and embarrassment over fumbling around uncharted territory.
+ She governs the amount of pressure to apply (Do not stab, jab, or shove) and when.
+ She determines the speed and depth of penetration
+ She determines the speed of stroking
(Go the the site's Home Page to view illustrated animated views of this position, its variations, as well as many other positions.)

* Expect that there may be some bleeding. Place a hand towel under the woman's bottom to protect the bedding.
* Know that as "perfect" as the two of you want this experience to be, it most likely will not go off without a hitch or glitch. DO NOT make this an issue. Guys especially, get all bent out of shape when things do not go as hoped for. Their Fragile Male Ego takes a severe blow when they try for greatness and are let down by some little foible. Focus on pleasing each other whether intercourse happens or not, whether it goes off without a hitch or not. Making love is not what we do to each other; it is what we do with and for each other in partnership. Explore and learn together.

When the decision to use contraceptives is made DO use them religiously--every time--no exceptions or else what's the point?

[dancingdoc2]

** Preparing the Hymen-

Hymens come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. Generally they are a crescent shaped membrane that partially obstructs the vaginal opening, although not always. Some have one or more openings in them. Some are thicker than others. A few are completely attached all around the opening.

I believe it is a good idea for a woman who is contemplating having intercourse for the first time to prepare by stretching both the hymen and the vaginal opening beforehand. Doing so will help make both more pliable.

To do this, partially fill a bathtub with warm water (Sitz bath) and sit in it while the water helps to relax the skin and you. Insert a finger against the hymen and tug in one direction, holding the pressure for a few moments. Repeat. This works well if their is a space between the membrane and the vaginal wall. If there is a large opening in the membrane, try doing this and then working your way around the circle.

Plan to repeat this exercise several times over the next few days. At some point you should be able to insert two fingers while tugging.
Do this same exercise with the vaginal opening. Begin with a single finger and after a few days as the opening relaxes, you should be able to insert two fingers. The fingers can be from each hand or a single hand, working in opposition.

[Brandye]

Doc, you are missing the most important element. All women shoul dhave a complete gyn exam BEFORE becoming sexually active. We recommend at 16. Old enough to be developed mentally and physically that potential problems can be addressed. Young enough to still want to learn.

Incidentally, mothers are not allowed in the room when I do initial exams.

[sera300]

I prefer patients to have their first gyn exam at the onset of menses. Why? You are beginning with a good baseline of a routine exam [finding what is either normal or abnormal], getting the patient comfortable with their body, and with opening up for discussions in the future.

No parents are allowed in the room during any exams or during in my office while we discuss findings and cover basic information. This allows me to get an accurate assessment of their development, let them know our conversations are confidential, and they can call with questions as needed. I can also cover all basics of safety.

Later mom is brought in & I will discuss only what I found as all appears okay, the pap will be back in a week & you will have your results, and when I recommend a follow up appointment. None of the personal information is divulged to the parent if they asked about sex, birth control, etc. I do encourage Moms to talk with their daughters about what is happening with their bodies [if they appear knowledgeable and are open to communication with their daughters].

Often I will say; discussing topics are important since you may not approve of your daughters sexual behavior or body. However, lack of information can result in not just a unwanted pregnancy but can cost them their lives.

I do not do many gyn exams but will do them if I must.

[Brandye]

I do not do a pap at the first exam. Our NHS guidelines are 30 yo. I usually ignore that but the first internal is daunting enough without getting out a speculum. Whenever possible, I avoid the stirrups as well.

Like kids who were traumatized at the dentist and never go again (until their teeth fall out), too many women are traumatized at what should eb an educational and informative exam. I try to make it interesting and, possibly, relaxing.

Cannot argue with at the menses. Sixteen is the outside acceptable age for first gyn exam.

[jackcollins]

Thanks For the advice ,useful information .

[smilez2much]

My bf is a virgin... he has given me oral and i've given him oral but we've never had sex... i want to know what should i do for him... i've never been with someone who was inexperienced... i don't know what he likes or how to find out what he likes... i kno that he likes when i suck on his penis kinda hard but other than that i hav no idea where to start... help me please...

[bWg]

Check around on the forum, especially in this section. You'll find a plethora of information that should be more than enough to answer your question.

[dancingdoc2]

Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you enjoy participating. Please begin by familiarizing yourself with the FAQs, the Posting Guidelines section, and especially the Index, all found at the top of the main screen. The Index contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to information and provides answers to common questions and concerns.

Please read the articles and discuss the information. Explore and learn together. Then, learn to give each other feedback on how each of you is responding to each others caresses and for what you need now/next. Please keep in mind that making love is not what we do to each other; it is what we do with and for....

Did you read the article at the beginning of this thread?

I hope this is of help. After doing your reading assignment, please do not hesitate to ask questions.

[**innocent**]

... maybe someone has some advice for me? thanks!

Fist, I find it weird that moms should talk to their daughters... okay not "weird" bc i totally agree, but what about those girls out there who dont have a mom. The only reason i say that is, my mom left when i was 3. I have lived with my dad ever since. No step mom. so how do they convince their father (or father figure) to let them go to the Gyno.. they arent usually so ... open to the idea of this?

my boyfriend of 7 months and i have talked about having sex many times. our only problem is that i still am not comfotable with having sex. I was raped about... a yr and a half ago. hes being extremely patient with me, and i truly appreciate him doing that... but by now i feel like i should be able to have sex with him and not be afraid... any advice on how to get over my fear?